Read Online Walking on Eggshells: Discovering Strength and Courage Amid Chaos by Lyssa Chapman - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Lyssa Chapman
Ads: Link
wore long sleeves for a month or so after that.
I am still a little amazed that Beth allowed a man with a drug problem and three troubled kids into her home. She must have been quite overwhelmed! Despite Dad’s continual womanizing, Barbara, Tucker, and I had no doubt that Dad loved us more than any girlfriend, but I got the feeling that that idea did not sit too well with Beth. I believe that back then she might have been insecure about the relationship Dad shared with us. For example, Dad always wanted us to go to movies or out to dinner with him, but Beth preferred to have one of her girlfriends watch us when they went out. As far back as I can remember, other than getting high or working, Dad never went anywhere without us—until Beth.
I’m not sure how it began, but at about this time someone started supplying Dad with drugs again. He was not using as often as before, but after the drug use started Dad and Beth began fighting—something that still happens every day. The two of them screamed loudly at each other, and Dad was at times violent toward Beth. I remember him calling her a slurry of names, everything from A to Z. The fights were horrific and showed Dad in a lightI had never seen. He and Beth even broke a number of household objects as they argued for what seemed like hours.
In one instance we were packing our stuff to move back into a motel when Beth angrily tried to open a screen door, but instead smashed her hand through the glass part of the door. There was blood everywhere, and rather than going to a motel, Dad went with Beth to a hospital. Beth still has the scar from that fiasco.
At other times Dad and Beth fought over pills. Specifically, they’d fight over the fact that Beth would not let Dad have any. One time he threw something out of their bedroom and into the hall. In the process the light cover in the hall shattered. I poked my head out of my room to see what was going on, saw hundreds of shards of glass on the floor, and retreated into my room.
It must have been hard on Cecily to see her mom fighting like this. She was barely more than a toddler and had gone, overnight, from being the only child in the home to having three siblings. She and I often played house, and I remember teaching her how to spell her name. No matter how bad things were, I always loved Cecily. However, I did become jealous of the attention Beth gave her, and that made me confused, even though I understood that Beth was Cecily’s “real” mom and we were the “step” children. There was a lot of jealousy going on and a lot of egos to massage in that house.
The many crowns, trophies, and sashes in Cecily’s room fascinated me. She had won them all in beauty pageants and I soon began competing, too. I especially loved that when I was onstage Beth sometimes called me beautiful, and several times she evencried. To me, her tears meant love and acceptance, and I needed lots of both. I was so surprised when I won first runner- up in the state competition, which put me in line to go to the nationals.
I know a lot of people do not approve of pageants for little girls. JonBenét Ramsey, the little girl whose murder, to date, has not been solved, was on the circuit with us during this time and was in Cecily’s age group. Cecily even placed above her a few times. But pageants gave me a hefty dose of validation. I loved practicing my dance for the talent portion, and the attention Beth showered on me when I was getting ready was wonderful. I am very happy that I had the opportunity to compete, even if it was just for a short time.
★
Between pageants, Beth was constantly on Dad about his drug use. And rightly so. While he wasn’t using as much or as often as he had been in Hawai’i, any amount was too much. Plus, Ginny called regularly from Hawai’i, and Dad and Beth fought a lot about that. After one fight, Dad told us to pack up, and we moved back to the Motel 6. There were so many back-and-forth moves that I lost
I am still a little amazed that Beth allowed a man with a drug problem and three troubled kids into her home. She must have been quite overwhelmed! Despite Dad’s continual womanizing, Barbara, Tucker, and I had no doubt that Dad loved us more than any girlfriend, but I got the feeling that that idea did not sit too well with Beth. I believe that back then she might have been insecure about the relationship Dad shared with us. For example, Dad always wanted us to go to movies or out to dinner with him, but Beth preferred to have one of her girlfriends watch us when they went out. As far back as I can remember, other than getting high or working, Dad never went anywhere without us—until Beth.
I’m not sure how it began, but at about this time someone started supplying Dad with drugs again. He was not using as often as before, but after the drug use started Dad and Beth began fighting—something that still happens every day. The two of them screamed loudly at each other, and Dad was at times violent toward Beth. I remember him calling her a slurry of names, everything from A to Z. The fights were horrific and showed Dad in a lightI had never seen. He and Beth even broke a number of household objects as they argued for what seemed like hours.
In one instance we were packing our stuff to move back into a motel when Beth angrily tried to open a screen door, but instead smashed her hand through the glass part of the door. There was blood everywhere, and rather than going to a motel, Dad went with Beth to a hospital. Beth still has the scar from that fiasco.
At other times Dad and Beth fought over pills. Specifically, they’d fight over the fact that Beth would not let Dad have any. One time he threw something out of their bedroom and into the hall. In the process the light cover in the hall shattered. I poked my head out of my room to see what was going on, saw hundreds of shards of glass on the floor, and retreated into my room.
It must have been hard on Cecily to see her mom fighting like this. She was barely more than a toddler and had gone, overnight, from being the only child in the home to having three siblings. She and I often played house, and I remember teaching her how to spell her name. No matter how bad things were, I always loved Cecily. However, I did become jealous of the attention Beth gave her, and that made me confused, even though I understood that Beth was Cecily’s “real” mom and we were the “step” children. There was a lot of jealousy going on and a lot of egos to massage in that house.
The many crowns, trophies, and sashes in Cecily’s room fascinated me. She had won them all in beauty pageants and I soon began competing, too. I especially loved that when I was onstage Beth sometimes called me beautiful, and several times she evencried. To me, her tears meant love and acceptance, and I needed lots of both. I was so surprised when I won first runner- up in the state competition, which put me in line to go to the nationals.
I know a lot of people do not approve of pageants for little girls. JonBenét Ramsey, the little girl whose murder, to date, has not been solved, was on the circuit with us during this time and was in Cecily’s age group. Cecily even placed above her a few times. But pageants gave me a hefty dose of validation. I loved practicing my dance for the talent portion, and the attention Beth showered on me when I was getting ready was wonderful. I am very happy that I had the opportunity to compete, even if it was just for a short time.
★
Between pageants, Beth was constantly on Dad about his drug use. And rightly so. While he wasn’t using as much or as often as he had been in Hawai’i, any amount was too much. Plus, Ginny called regularly from Hawai’i, and Dad and Beth fought a lot about that. After one fight, Dad told us to pack up, and we moved back to the Motel 6. There were so many back-and-forth moves that I lost
Similar Books
