Read Online Waiting for Morning by Karen Kingsbury - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Karen Kingsbury
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son.”
Hannah was furious. “Good for him! Before Saturday afternoon I was married with a daughter . But he killed them, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get him behind bars. When I’m finished with him, he’ll wish he’d killed me, too.”
“Ma’am …” Sgt. Miller hesitated. “I saw the Christian fish on your door the other day—”
“What of it?”
Another pause. “I’m a believer, too; that’s all. I’ve been praying for you.”
“Don’t bother.” It was all she could do not to spit the words at him. “I have all the prayers I can handle right now.”
“Mrs. Ryan, I’m not trying to interfere. It’s just that in these situations it’s so easy to lose perspective and turn away …”
When she answered, she didn’t even try to temper the coldness in her tone. “I’m sure you mean well, Sgt. Miller, but you’re just like every other Christian right now. ‘It must be God’s will.’ ‘They’re home in heaven now.’ ‘God still loves you.’ ‘The Lord has a plan—’ ”
A wave of emotion choked off her words, and she had to swallow hard before she could continue. “I don’t want to hear it. Do you understand? Brian Wesley, age twenty-eight, married with one son, just destroyed my life! He took everything from me and left me with nothing, not even hope. He murdered my husband and daughter, and so help me God, I’ll never forgive him as long as I live. Am I being clear? I don’t want to hear a list of platitudes or Bible verses right now. I don’t want sympathyor textbook answers. I want my family back.… And since I can’t have that, I just want Brian Wesley to pay for what he’s done.”
Jenny lay still, her eyes closed. Her head felt heavy and it was difficult to form thoughts. She knew that the woman she could hear ranting and shouting hateful things was her mother, but when Jenny heard her say those things about not wanting prayers or platitudes, she began to think perhaps the woman was an imposter.
Jenny opened her eyes slowly, waiting for the room to stop spinning. She squinted at the figure by her bed. “Mom?”
Her mother glanced at her. Jenny saw she was on the phone. “Hold on—” she covered the receiver and whispered impatiently—“What is it, Jenny? I’m on a business call.”
Jenny stared at her, her mind a blank. Why was Mom angry with her? Dread swept over her as she realized the truth: the accident had been her fault and her mother knew it. “Forget it.”
Her mother frowned, her hand still covering the phone. “Don’t be like that, Jenny. I’m sorry, okay? This is an important call. I’m talking to the police officer.” She sighed impatiently. “Did you need something? A drink? What?”
Jenny felt like a piece of her heart had been sliced off. She squeezed her eyes so her mother wouldn’t see her cry. “I said forget it.” She rolled over, turning her back to her mother.
Please, please, talk to me … help me … I’m so scared …
But her mother didn’t notice. Instead, she resumed her phone conversation. “Okay, I’m back. What I’m trying to say is …”
Tears streamed down Jenny’s face as her mother continued to rant at the police officer. What had happened? Why wasn’t her mother worried about her, sorry for her? How could a phone call be more important than what she was feeling?
It’s because it was Alicia and not me who died . Mom had always loved Alicia more. Jenny wished with all her heart that she could trade places with Alicia. That she could take Alicia’s spot in heaven with Daddy and give Alicia back to Mom.
Jenny drew her knees into a fetal position. Then, while her mother continued to yell at the officer, she wept into her pillow, whispering the only words she could think of. “Why, God? Why? … If she doesn’t love me, why did you leave me here with her?”
Hannah hung up, her rage so potent it was almost a physical presence. But there was nothing there to vent it on. It seeped through
Hannah was furious. “Good for him! Before Saturday afternoon I was married with a daughter . But he killed them, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get him behind bars. When I’m finished with him, he’ll wish he’d killed me, too.”
“Ma’am …” Sgt. Miller hesitated. “I saw the Christian fish on your door the other day—”
“What of it?”
Another pause. “I’m a believer, too; that’s all. I’ve been praying for you.”
“Don’t bother.” It was all she could do not to spit the words at him. “I have all the prayers I can handle right now.”
“Mrs. Ryan, I’m not trying to interfere. It’s just that in these situations it’s so easy to lose perspective and turn away …”
When she answered, she didn’t even try to temper the coldness in her tone. “I’m sure you mean well, Sgt. Miller, but you’re just like every other Christian right now. ‘It must be God’s will.’ ‘They’re home in heaven now.’ ‘God still loves you.’ ‘The Lord has a plan—’ ”
A wave of emotion choked off her words, and she had to swallow hard before she could continue. “I don’t want to hear it. Do you understand? Brian Wesley, age twenty-eight, married with one son, just destroyed my life! He took everything from me and left me with nothing, not even hope. He murdered my husband and daughter, and so help me God, I’ll never forgive him as long as I live. Am I being clear? I don’t want to hear a list of platitudes or Bible verses right now. I don’t want sympathyor textbook answers. I want my family back.… And since I can’t have that, I just want Brian Wesley to pay for what he’s done.”
Jenny lay still, her eyes closed. Her head felt heavy and it was difficult to form thoughts. She knew that the woman she could hear ranting and shouting hateful things was her mother, but when Jenny heard her say those things about not wanting prayers or platitudes, she began to think perhaps the woman was an imposter.
Jenny opened her eyes slowly, waiting for the room to stop spinning. She squinted at the figure by her bed. “Mom?”
Her mother glanced at her. Jenny saw she was on the phone. “Hold on—” she covered the receiver and whispered impatiently—“What is it, Jenny? I’m on a business call.”
Jenny stared at her, her mind a blank. Why was Mom angry with her? Dread swept over her as she realized the truth: the accident had been her fault and her mother knew it. “Forget it.”
Her mother frowned, her hand still covering the phone. “Don’t be like that, Jenny. I’m sorry, okay? This is an important call. I’m talking to the police officer.” She sighed impatiently. “Did you need something? A drink? What?”
Jenny felt like a piece of her heart had been sliced off. She squeezed her eyes so her mother wouldn’t see her cry. “I said forget it.” She rolled over, turning her back to her mother.
Please, please, talk to me … help me … I’m so scared …
But her mother didn’t notice. Instead, she resumed her phone conversation. “Okay, I’m back. What I’m trying to say is …”
Tears streamed down Jenny’s face as her mother continued to rant at the police officer. What had happened? Why wasn’t her mother worried about her, sorry for her? How could a phone call be more important than what she was feeling?
It’s because it was Alicia and not me who died . Mom had always loved Alicia more. Jenny wished with all her heart that she could trade places with Alicia. That she could take Alicia’s spot in heaven with Daddy and give Alicia back to Mom.
Jenny drew her knees into a fetal position. Then, while her mother continued to yell at the officer, she wept into her pillow, whispering the only words she could think of. “Why, God? Why? … If she doesn’t love me, why did you leave me here with her?”
Hannah hung up, her rage so potent it was almost a physical presence. But there was nothing there to vent it on. It seeped through
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