seeing me again. But I have to know how Evieâs doing, and after trying the hospital andCole, this is the only thing I can think of besides going to her house.
âYou again?â a sharp voice says behind me, and I turn around to find Jenica.
âHow is she?â
Jenica sighs. âYou canât keep doing this.â
âI donât have a choice.â
âYou could choose to leave us alone.â
âThatâs not an option.â
âYou know my parents hate you, right? Theyâre never going to let you see her.â I open my mouth to protest, but she keeps talking. âThey think you got Evie hooked on drugs. They wanted to press charges, but she convinced them not to.â
My heart jumps. Evie was thinking about me. Talking about me. Defending me. I still exist.
âWe smoked a little pot, thatâs all,â I say, only partly lying. âWe drank a little.â She was drunk when I left her that afternoon, but that was all her doing. I left her at home, where she was safe. I didnât know she would go back to the beach. I didnât know sheâd go swimming.
Jenica blinks and says nothing, and Iâm not sure if she believes me, if sheâs convinced of my innocence.
âDid you tell her to call me?â
âShe couldnât even if she wanted to. She got sent straight to rehab as soon as she got released from the hospital. The only people sheâs allowed to call are my parents.â
âRehab?â I say. âFor smoking pot and drinking?â
Jenica stares at me for a long time and I canât quite read the look on her face. âYou donât know?â she finally says, and her face softens with a wave of emotion. It could be compassion. It could be pity.
âI donât know what?â
âOh, wow.â
âI donât know what ?â
What else didnât Evie tell me? Is there anything real about the girl I fell in love with?
âShe had a ton of opiates in her system when you brought her to the ER,â Jenica says.
âWhat?â I say. âOpiates? What are you talking about?â I wonder for a moment if weâre talking about the same person, if thereâs another Evie who goes to North Berkeley High who has a sister named Jenica.
âShe had a problem with pain pills after she got out of the hospital the last time, but we thought she was over it. She promised. God, we were so stupid.â
Iâm trying to wrap my head around this timeline. Evie was on pills after she got out of the hospital, before she met me. That means she must have been on pills the whole time we were together.
I cannot feel my body. I am incapable of feeling. If I feel just a little, the floodgates will open and Iâll be destroyed. Did Evie tell me the truth about anything?
âWow, you really didnât know,â Jenica says. âI actually feel sorry for you. Well, get in line. Yours is not the first heart sheâs broken. You know Evie had a boyfriend when she started seeingyou, right? And she was stringing you both along?â
I donât say anything. My mind is stopped, frozen. It cannot process this nightmare of information.
âHis name is Will. Theyâd been together for two years. He stayed by her side the whole time she had cancer. He came to visit her in the hospital almost every day.â Jenica is agitated, angry. Her voice is shaking. âWhatâd you do? Get her high? Share some of your drugs with her?â
I donât want to hear this. I canât. âI need to talk to her,â I say.
âShe doesnât want to talk to you.â
Sheâs lying. She has to be lying. âThere has to be a way for her to call me.â
âDude, Iâm serious. She doesnât want to talk to you. I donât want to talk to you. Itâs over. Give up. Leave us alone.â
I grab her arm as she starts walking away. I need something, anything, solid in my
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