(or phone . . . yes, it was probably a phone) had a very shaky hand. There were two guys in the frame. One of them was sitting on the edge of a bed. The other one was kneeling in front of him, head buried in his crotch. It was pretty bloody obvious what was going on. The face and torso of the guy on the bed had been obscured somehow – like some kind of special effect or something.He hadn’t been blacked out completely, but his face and body were a mass of pixels. Like they do on TV when they’re trying to hide someone’s identity.
The other guy (or rather
boy
) hadn’t been afforded the same pixellation treatment. I’d have known him anywhere. Even if I hadn’t recognized the so-called ‘lucky’ shirt, the sight of the back of his head was enough, despite the fact that I hadn’t seen him doing
that
before. But I didn’t think many people would have known it was him . . . not until they finished and he turned towards the camera, wiping his mouth. He didn’t seem to realize he was being filmed.
Just in case there was any doubt left in anyone’s mind, the frame froze on his face and the image stayed up there for a few good seconds. His hair was messed up where the other guy had been clutching his head, and he was smiling. The smile was so typically
him
that it caused an actual, physical pain in my heart.
Kai.
I slammed the lid of my laptop down, legged it down the stairs and out the front door. Made it to Kai’s in far less than four minutes and twenty-three seconds. Louise answered the door, looking a lot better than the last time I’d seen her. She didn’t even bother saying hi,which was fine with me. I rushed past her and up the stairs to Kai’s room.
The room was dark and at first I thought he wasn’t there. But then I saw his bare feet poking out from under the desk. He was tucked up under there like a hibernating animal. ‘Kai? It’s only me. Are you going to come out?’ I said gently, as if he
was
a small animal I was trying to coax out of its hiding place.
No response.
I sat down on the floor in front of him. ‘Kai? Talk to me. Please?’
Still nothing.
‘You’re kind of scaring me. Please say something.’
He cleared his throat. His voice sounded rusty. ‘You watched it then?’
‘Yeah, I watched it. But it’s OK, Kai. It’s nothing to be . . . ashamed of.’
‘You think? Why don’t you take a look at my inbox?’
His laptop was on the bed. I opened the lid and listened to it whirr to life. The screen was filled with unopened emails. I clicked on one at random and immediately wished I hadn’t. Words jumped out at me from the screen: i hope you die of AIDS you fuckin homo.
I didn’t recognize any of the email addresses – theywere clearly fakes. People had gone out of their way to set up new accounts so they could do this without getting caught.
God, how many people has that link been sent to?
I clicked on another message: Always thought you loookd queer as fuck. Looked lik you was enjoying that, u little bitch.
‘How many are there now? There were seventeen the last time I looked.’
Twenty-nine. There were twenty-nine messages. ‘Oh, Kai, I’m sorry! Who would do something like this? I mean,
why
would anyone do something like this?’
Kai laughed. ‘You don’t need an excuse to out a fag, do you? They probably thought they were doing a public service or something.’
‘When . . . when did you get the email?’
‘The video was in my inbox by the time I got home from school. Whoever this Captain Outrage is, he sent it to me first.’
I scrolled back and found the original email. The subject line read: READY FOR SOME FUN AND GAMES?
‘OK, let’s think about this rationally. Kai, are you going to come out from there?’
‘I . . . I can’t.’
‘What do you mean, you can’t?’
‘I don’t want you to see me.’
‘Don’t be stupid, Kai. This is
me
. . . Can I at least put the light on?’
‘I’d rather you didn’t.’ His voice sounded so hopeless,
The other guy (or rather
boy
) hadn’t been afforded the same pixellation treatment. I’d have known him anywhere. Even if I hadn’t recognized the so-called ‘lucky’ shirt, the sight of the back of his head was enough, despite the fact that I hadn’t seen him doing
that
before. But I didn’t think many people would have known it was him . . . not until they finished and he turned towards the camera, wiping his mouth. He didn’t seem to realize he was being filmed.
Just in case there was any doubt left in anyone’s mind, the frame froze on his face and the image stayed up there for a few good seconds. His hair was messed up where the other guy had been clutching his head, and he was smiling. The smile was so typically
him
that it caused an actual, physical pain in my heart.
Kai.
I slammed the lid of my laptop down, legged it down the stairs and out the front door. Made it to Kai’s in far less than four minutes and twenty-three seconds. Louise answered the door, looking a lot better than the last time I’d seen her. She didn’t even bother saying hi,which was fine with me. I rushed past her and up the stairs to Kai’s room.
The room was dark and at first I thought he wasn’t there. But then I saw his bare feet poking out from under the desk. He was tucked up under there like a hibernating animal. ‘Kai? It’s only me. Are you going to come out?’ I said gently, as if he
was
a small animal I was trying to coax out of its hiding place.
No response.
I sat down on the floor in front of him. ‘Kai? Talk to me. Please?’
Still nothing.
‘You’re kind of scaring me. Please say something.’
He cleared his throat. His voice sounded rusty. ‘You watched it then?’
‘Yeah, I watched it. But it’s OK, Kai. It’s nothing to be . . . ashamed of.’
‘You think? Why don’t you take a look at my inbox?’
His laptop was on the bed. I opened the lid and listened to it whirr to life. The screen was filled with unopened emails. I clicked on one at random and immediately wished I hadn’t. Words jumped out at me from the screen: i hope you die of AIDS you fuckin homo.
I didn’t recognize any of the email addresses – theywere clearly fakes. People had gone out of their way to set up new accounts so they could do this without getting caught.
God, how many people has that link been sent to?
I clicked on another message: Always thought you loookd queer as fuck. Looked lik you was enjoying that, u little bitch.
‘How many are there now? There were seventeen the last time I looked.’
Twenty-nine. There were twenty-nine messages. ‘Oh, Kai, I’m sorry! Who would do something like this? I mean,
why
would anyone do something like this?’
Kai laughed. ‘You don’t need an excuse to out a fag, do you? They probably thought they were doing a public service or something.’
‘When . . . when did you get the email?’
‘The video was in my inbox by the time I got home from school. Whoever this Captain Outrage is, he sent it to me first.’
I scrolled back and found the original email. The subject line read: READY FOR SOME FUN AND GAMES?
‘OK, let’s think about this rationally. Kai, are you going to come out from there?’
‘I . . . I can’t.’
‘What do you mean, you can’t?’
‘I don’t want you to see me.’
‘Don’t be stupid, Kai. This is
me
. . . Can I at least put the light on?’
‘I’d rather you didn’t.’ His voice sounded so hopeless,
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