Read Online Undead and Unreturnable by MaryJanice Davidson - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: MaryJanice Davidson
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said, I will be starting a newsletter. It will be online and only viewable to vampires who have the appropriate passwords, etcetera."
"You're not worried about someone hacking into it?"
She smiled thinly. "No."
"Right. Okay, go on."
"I would like you to contribute to it, my queen."
"Contribute… you mean, like write something for it?"
"Yes, ma'am. Every month."
"But… come on, Marjie —"
"Marjorie." Sinclair and Marj corrected me simultaneously.
"—you must have a million people who can do this for you."
"That is not the issue, my queen. As you of course have discovered yourself, many of our kind are having, ah, difficulty accepting your new… position."
"That was supertactful ."
Another tiny smile. "Thank you, my queen. I feel, and many of my counterparts concur, that this would be a way for the community to get to know you. Perhaps come to appreciate the… finer qualities that aren't, ah, immediately apparent."
"Wow." I was shaking my head in total admiration. "You should work for the United Nations. Seriously. I mean, when
he
tries that stuff, I just get pissed."
Ole Marjie inclined her head modestly. Sinclair gave me a look but still didn't comment.
"What would you want me to write?"
"Oh, whatever you wish. Neighborhood observations, essays on the eternal struggle between man vs. vampire, the pros and cons of keeping sheep—"
"I've got it!"
"Ah, the sheep issue. I admit, it can be controversial—"
"Shut up about the sheep, Marj ." Sinclair winced, but I didn't give much of a shit. "No, I'm going to do a Dear Betsy letter. What's the one thing I've wished I could have since I woke up dead?"
"A sheep?"
"Marjorie, enough! No, I wished there was someone I could ask about vampire stuff and I'd get the straight shit in return. Not political shit, not 'oh, it's okay if you kill people as long as you're aligned with so-and-so' stuff.
Real
stuff. It'll be a 'Dear Betsy' column. Ann Landers for vampires!" As Jess would say, " Oooooooh !" I could hardly sit still, I was so excited!
Sinclair was rubbing his eyes. Marjorie looked at him for help and, correctly guessing none was forthcoming, looked back at me. "Ah… my queen, I admit I had a more, ah,
scholarly
approach in mind…"
"Then boy, did you come to the wrong house. I didn't even finish college."
"Oh."
"I bet you did, though."
"I have fourteen Ph.D.s."
"Geek, huh?" Ack ! Fourteen! No wonder I got her mixed up with a robot. "Anyway, back to me. When do you need my first column?"
"Ah… whenever you wish. The newsletter will be published on your schedule, of course, and—"
"I'll have it for you by the end of the week. There's not a moment to lose! Just think, there's new vampires walking around right this second who don't have a clue how to act!"
"And you will infect them all."
"What?"
"I said, it sounds like we'll have a ball. I shall go back to the library at once and… prepare."
"Great!" I jumped up. Sinclair slowly stood, like an old, old man. Marjorie stood the same way; it was weird. They both looked crushed and knowing at the same time.
He kissed her hand again. "Thank you."
"My king, I only do my duty."
"For coming by."
"Sir, I am your servant."
"Yeah, thanks," I butted in, because I had the weird feeling they weren't talking about what I thought they were talking about. "Send me your e-mail address, and I'll zap the column over to you in the next few days. I'm [email protected]."
Was that a shudder? Naw . My imagination was working overtime. And speaking of overtime, I could hear Marc park his shitbox car and come bounding up the walk. How he kept his energy after fifteen hours on his feet in the E.R. was beyond me.
He popped the front door open and spotted us in the entryway. He covered the distance between us with half of one of his characteristic long lopes,
"You're not worried about someone hacking into it?"
She smiled thinly. "No."
"Right. Okay, go on."
"I would like you to contribute to it, my queen."
"Contribute… you mean, like write something for it?"
"Yes, ma'am. Every month."
"But… come on, Marjie —"
"Marjorie." Sinclair and Marj corrected me simultaneously.
"—you must have a million people who can do this for you."
"That is not the issue, my queen. As you of course have discovered yourself, many of our kind are having, ah, difficulty accepting your new… position."
"That was supertactful ."
Another tiny smile. "Thank you, my queen. I feel, and many of my counterparts concur, that this would be a way for the community to get to know you. Perhaps come to appreciate the… finer qualities that aren't, ah, immediately apparent."
"Wow." I was shaking my head in total admiration. "You should work for the United Nations. Seriously. I mean, when
he
tries that stuff, I just get pissed."
Ole Marjie inclined her head modestly. Sinclair gave me a look but still didn't comment.
"What would you want me to write?"
"Oh, whatever you wish. Neighborhood observations, essays on the eternal struggle between man vs. vampire, the pros and cons of keeping sheep—"
"I've got it!"
"Ah, the sheep issue. I admit, it can be controversial—"
"Shut up about the sheep, Marj ." Sinclair winced, but I didn't give much of a shit. "No, I'm going to do a Dear Betsy letter. What's the one thing I've wished I could have since I woke up dead?"
"A sheep?"
"Marjorie, enough! No, I wished there was someone I could ask about vampire stuff and I'd get the straight shit in return. Not political shit, not 'oh, it's okay if you kill people as long as you're aligned with so-and-so' stuff.
Real
stuff. It'll be a 'Dear Betsy' column. Ann Landers for vampires!" As Jess would say, " Oooooooh !" I could hardly sit still, I was so excited!
Sinclair was rubbing his eyes. Marjorie looked at him for help and, correctly guessing none was forthcoming, looked back at me. "Ah… my queen, I admit I had a more, ah,
scholarly
approach in mind…"
"Then boy, did you come to the wrong house. I didn't even finish college."
"Oh."
"I bet you did, though."
"I have fourteen Ph.D.s."
"Geek, huh?" Ack ! Fourteen! No wonder I got her mixed up with a robot. "Anyway, back to me. When do you need my first column?"
"Ah… whenever you wish. The newsletter will be published on your schedule, of course, and—"
"I'll have it for you by the end of the week. There's not a moment to lose! Just think, there's new vampires walking around right this second who don't have a clue how to act!"
"And you will infect them all."
"What?"
"I said, it sounds like we'll have a ball. I shall go back to the library at once and… prepare."
"Great!" I jumped up. Sinclair slowly stood, like an old, old man. Marjorie stood the same way; it was weird. They both looked crushed and knowing at the same time.
He kissed her hand again. "Thank you."
"My king, I only do my duty."
"For coming by."
"Sir, I am your servant."
"Yeah, thanks," I butted in, because I had the weird feeling they weren't talking about what I thought they were talking about. "Send me your e-mail address, and I'll zap the column over to you in the next few days. I'm [email protected]."
Was that a shudder? Naw . My imagination was working overtime. And speaking of overtime, I could hear Marc park his shitbox car and come bounding up the walk. How he kept his energy after fifteen hours on his feet in the E.R. was beyond me.
He popped the front door open and spotted us in the entryway. He covered the distance between us with half of one of his characteristic long lopes,
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