Two Peasants and a President

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Authors: Frederick Aldrich
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intentionally missed the Philippine warship by more than two hundred yards.  They claim that old WWII destroyer that we turned over to the Philippines somehow managed to blow itself up.”
    “We think the plan was to scare the hell out of everyone without taking the blame.  They’ve upped the ante as far as the South China Sea is co n cerned , and they’ll likely get away with it.  But they don‘t know that one of our Virginia class boats was listening.”
    “Sounds like a gift, Mr. President.” 
    “Yeah, but there’s a rattlesnake in the gift box, Stuart.  The Chinese have made it abundantly clear what they want in return for continued buying of our treasuries.  Refraining from anything more than cursory complaints about their activities in the South China Sea is high on the list.  My request to up the debt ceiling again will be moot if we can’t borrow the money.  And without them it’ll be virtually impossible.  Besides, I’d rather not advertise the fact that Virginia class subs can come and go right under their noses.”
    “So we leave the box closed for now, Mr. President.”
    “We’ve got one thing going for us, Stuart, Filipino fishermen who were nearby that night claim they heard two shots.  They say a couple of minutes elapsed between that and the explosions that sank the ship.  This leaves the Chinese virtually untouched; it’s just what they were looking for and I believe it’s precisely how they planned it.  They were simply warning anyone who enters what they claim as their waters while denying they sank anyone’s ship.”
    “Sounds a bit too tidy to be Washington, Mr. President.  What if somebody leaks that a torpedo sank the destroyer?” asked Shumer . 
    “I’ve been assured that the ocean there is far to deep to prove anything.  The Chinese are nothing, if not thorough.”
    “Then why do I think you didn’t come all the way here to tell me that, Mr. President?”
    The president flashed the smile that so many love, and laughed.  “You’ve been around politics too long, my friend.  You can smell the skunk when it’s still in the next county.”
    “Any chance the skunk’s name is Baines?”
    The president chuckled.  “He’s using the Philippine thing to stir up more support for tariffs and it ’ s working.  If your job left the country and you’re angry, China is an easy target for that anger.  But it’s not China that has to deal with the anger, it’s me.  I’ve got to have China in my corner, but you and I both know that China only does somethi ng for one of two reasons: One – It’ s in their best interest.  Two – They’re forced to.  And we are in no position to force them to do anything.  The problem is, more and more people out there are starting to feel like their government is kissing Chinese ass, and Baines is fanning the flames.”
    “Do I hear the dust bin rattling?” asked Shumer . 
    “ That you do, my friend, that you do.  And nobody knows better how to handle dirt than the Boston Sanitation Department.  Our friend Baines had an ugly divorce; it cost him his wife, his girlfriend and a half a million bucks.  But everybody who wanted to already beat him up on that score.  Presumably he’s a lonely, horny ex-Marine.  Aside from that, he doesn’t appear to have any major vulnerabilities that I know of.”
    “And I presume it would be far more convenient for us if he had a vulnerability,” said Shumer . 
    “We’re way beyond convenient here, Stuart.  The entire expansion of government that we’ve worked so hard for is in jeopardy.  I don’t have to tell you how it works.  Boston was built on a simple system.  I do you a favor, like giving you a job, and you owe me.  And the currency of repayment is your vote.  The fact that the Democrats have controlled Boston for decades is testament to how well it works.  We’re making the system work in Was h ington too.  But the lifeblood of the system is money, and unless we

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