wish I had spoken up or said something to your father. I’d give anything if I could change the past. So would your father. He’s been eating himself alive with guilt from the time he got back from leaving you at the bus station. We went there, but the bus had already gone.”
“Yeah, well that’s water under the bridge now, ain’t it?” I could hear some of the bitterness and anger Mike had carried around for so long, surfacing in his voice. Although Mike was really trying to deal with the situation, the anger, bitterness, and hurt were right there, just below the surface.
“I understand how much we must have hurt you, Mike—”
He cut Madeline off before she could even finish. “You understand ?” His voice dripped with sarcasm. “Pardon me, Mom, but I really don’t think anyone can understand just what I felt or what I went through. Do you know what it’s like to be betrayed by those closest to you?”
“No, Mike, I don’t. But I do know the shame and guilt for betraying someone close and dependant on me.” That stopped Mike for a minute, but he spoke up again.
“What about him ?” There was a good amount of disgust in his voice when he said “him.” “Has he really changed? You said he feels guilty, so fuckin’ what? I’m not sure that guilty even begins to cover what he put me through. Even before he kicked me out, I was the one bein’ ridiculed by everyone in town. I was the one gettin’ the shit beat outta me regularly. I was the one thrown out on the streets because I asked for help. So what if he’s workin’ with PFLAG? So what if he feels bad? What he did to me, it’s illegal to do to a dog. Why should I even have anything to do with any of you? It’s not like you ever even tried to stop his abuse.”
Madeline was sobbing as she spoke up. “Mike, I am so sorry. There hasn’t been a minute since you left that I haven’t felt horrible and guilty and a total failure as a parent. Your father has changed. He’s spent almost all his time since you left trying to make sure that what happened to you doesn’t happen to anyone else—”
Mike cut in angrily. “Horrible and guilty? You said since I left. Well, I didn’t leave. I got thrown out. Fuck this shit. I don’t need any of you. Why do you have to stick up for him?”
“Don’t talk to her that way!” a new voice yelled over the phone. It must have been Guy.
“Fuck you, Guy. You’ve always had a roof over your head and three meals a day. You never had to go through what I did.”
I reached over and put my hand on his shoulder. “Easy there, cowboy.” He shook my hand off.
“I thought you were on my side. Don’t you even know how difficult this is for me? You and your perfect relationship with your father, you didn’t go through what I went through either.” He was red with anger, and a tear slipped down his cheek.
“Everything’s so easy for you, always the top cowboy, always the friend, always the popular one. Shit, Jeff, sometimes I think I’m just some charity project you took on.” He glared at me. I stared back at him, refusing to break eye contact. He finally looked away. I put my hand over his shoulder and rubbed the back of his neck.
I said to Madeline over the speakerphone, “Excuse us for a moment.” I turned off the speaker and looked at Mike.
“What?” He turned back to me and glared. I looked at him for a few seconds, and he broke eye contact again. In that instant, I stepped forward and took him in my arms. He stiffened at first, but then melded himself against me.
“You okay, Mike?”
“I’m really sorry, Jeffy. I do feel like a charity case you took on because you feel sorry for me.”
“Do I do anythin’ to make you feel that way?” He had buried his face in my shoulder at the crook of my neck. I just held him and rubbed his back.
After a few minutes, he finally responded.
“No, it’s just me. Why would someone like you ever want a damaged piece of trash like
“Yeah, well that’s water under the bridge now, ain’t it?” I could hear some of the bitterness and anger Mike had carried around for so long, surfacing in his voice. Although Mike was really trying to deal with the situation, the anger, bitterness, and hurt were right there, just below the surface.
“I understand how much we must have hurt you, Mike—”
He cut Madeline off before she could even finish. “You understand ?” His voice dripped with sarcasm. “Pardon me, Mom, but I really don’t think anyone can understand just what I felt or what I went through. Do you know what it’s like to be betrayed by those closest to you?”
“No, Mike, I don’t. But I do know the shame and guilt for betraying someone close and dependant on me.” That stopped Mike for a minute, but he spoke up again.
“What about him ?” There was a good amount of disgust in his voice when he said “him.” “Has he really changed? You said he feels guilty, so fuckin’ what? I’m not sure that guilty even begins to cover what he put me through. Even before he kicked me out, I was the one bein’ ridiculed by everyone in town. I was the one gettin’ the shit beat outta me regularly. I was the one thrown out on the streets because I asked for help. So what if he’s workin’ with PFLAG? So what if he feels bad? What he did to me, it’s illegal to do to a dog. Why should I even have anything to do with any of you? It’s not like you ever even tried to stop his abuse.”
Madeline was sobbing as she spoke up. “Mike, I am so sorry. There hasn’t been a minute since you left that I haven’t felt horrible and guilty and a total failure as a parent. Your father has changed. He’s spent almost all his time since you left trying to make sure that what happened to you doesn’t happen to anyone else—”
Mike cut in angrily. “Horrible and guilty? You said since I left. Well, I didn’t leave. I got thrown out. Fuck this shit. I don’t need any of you. Why do you have to stick up for him?”
“Don’t talk to her that way!” a new voice yelled over the phone. It must have been Guy.
“Fuck you, Guy. You’ve always had a roof over your head and three meals a day. You never had to go through what I did.”
I reached over and put my hand on his shoulder. “Easy there, cowboy.” He shook my hand off.
“I thought you were on my side. Don’t you even know how difficult this is for me? You and your perfect relationship with your father, you didn’t go through what I went through either.” He was red with anger, and a tear slipped down his cheek.
“Everything’s so easy for you, always the top cowboy, always the friend, always the popular one. Shit, Jeff, sometimes I think I’m just some charity project you took on.” He glared at me. I stared back at him, refusing to break eye contact. He finally looked away. I put my hand over his shoulder and rubbed the back of his neck.
I said to Madeline over the speakerphone, “Excuse us for a moment.” I turned off the speaker and looked at Mike.
“What?” He turned back to me and glared. I looked at him for a few seconds, and he broke eye contact again. In that instant, I stepped forward and took him in my arms. He stiffened at first, but then melded himself against me.
“You okay, Mike?”
“I’m really sorry, Jeffy. I do feel like a charity case you took on because you feel sorry for me.”
“Do I do anythin’ to make you feel that way?” He had buried his face in my shoulder at the crook of my neck. I just held him and rubbed his back.
After a few minutes, he finally responded.
“No, it’s just me. Why would someone like you ever want a damaged piece of trash like
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