Had the house sold? Was she missing me? Was she about to sue me for alimony?
‘Work’s busy but nothing unusual there. How are you coping at your parents’?’
‘As well as can be expected.’
‘You’re doing great,’ she says. ‘I’m not sure I could do much more than a weekend at mine, so you’re doing well to have managed this far.’ A braver man would have chosen this moment to point out that technically I’m only here because of her but I say nothing. ‘It’s about the house,’ she continues, ‘I’ve just received the last of the estate agents’ valuations and the news isn’t good. They’ve all valued it at quite a lot less than we’d hoped and to top it all there are at least half a dozen comparable properties up for sale within throwing distance of ours. On the plus side, they’re all pretty sure they can get a sale but I think we’re talking months rather than weeks.’
‘So I’m stuck here indefinitely?’
‘Well, let’s not panic. We need to get the ball rolling. I’ve made the decision to put the house on with Millward and Lewis. I’ve got the contract here so I’ll sign it now and have it to you by first post. If you sign it and send it back straight away with a bit of luck we could be taking viewings by the end of the week.’
I feel my blood start to boil as I imagine an endless queue of monied young professional Londoners traipsing through my home, commenting about the ‘finish’ of my bloody kitchen and how they’re going to knock all the downstairs rooms together to make one huge ‘entertaining space’.
‘So, you’ll get the contract back to me asap?’
‘Of course.’
‘Oh, and they also need us to fill out the fixtures and fittings list. I’ve ticked what I think should stay and if you’re in agreement just sign your name at the bottom.’
‘What sort of things?’
‘All the usual suspects: curtains, carpets, light fittings and the like.’
‘What about the shed?’ The question had come out of nowhere but the more I thought about it the more I could see that it was never that far away.
‘I’ve ticked that it’s staying. That was right, wasn’t it? Sheds aren’t really the sorts of things people take with them.’
I picture my beloved shed and all of the things I never got to do inside it.
‘Whatever.’ It’s like my licence to be a fully fledged adult has been revoked. ‘I mean, what use has a guy like me got for a shed?’
Days left to turning forty: 163
11
It’s hard not to be impressed by my sister’s huge glass-fronted barn conversion. Surrounded on all sides by open countryside, it couldn’t have been more different from the house we grew up in and my heart swells with pride at how well my kid sister has done for herself.
As we pull up on the gravel drive the front door opens and out stream my sister and her family to greet us. Once we’re out of the car Dad starts fussing around my nephews while Mum makes a beeline for my brother-in-law, plucking baby Evie out of his arms and leaving me alone with Yvonne.
She hugs me tightly. ‘It’s good to see you, Matt.’
‘You too,’ I reply. ‘This is some place you’ve got here. It’s practically a castle.’
‘I still can’t believe how lucky we are. The garden’s so huge that Oli’s just bought himself one of those sit-on mowers. Whenever he’s on it he’s got a huge grin fixed to his face like a big kid. Dad’s a fan too.’
‘I think they’re fans of everything you do at the moment. They haven’t stopped talking about the kids or your house.’
She laughs and studies my face as though analysing me. ‘You sound a bit jealous. Afraid your place as number one child is being usurped?’
‘Me? Never. They’ll always love me more than you, Ed and Tony because I was their first! You guys were just an afterthought.’
Yvonne raises a mischievous eyebrow. ‘So is that why they’re always talking about moving out here?’
‘They’re just saying that,’ I
‘Work’s busy but nothing unusual there. How are you coping at your parents’?’
‘As well as can be expected.’
‘You’re doing great,’ she says. ‘I’m not sure I could do much more than a weekend at mine, so you’re doing well to have managed this far.’ A braver man would have chosen this moment to point out that technically I’m only here because of her but I say nothing. ‘It’s about the house,’ she continues, ‘I’ve just received the last of the estate agents’ valuations and the news isn’t good. They’ve all valued it at quite a lot less than we’d hoped and to top it all there are at least half a dozen comparable properties up for sale within throwing distance of ours. On the plus side, they’re all pretty sure they can get a sale but I think we’re talking months rather than weeks.’
‘So I’m stuck here indefinitely?’
‘Well, let’s not panic. We need to get the ball rolling. I’ve made the decision to put the house on with Millward and Lewis. I’ve got the contract here so I’ll sign it now and have it to you by first post. If you sign it and send it back straight away with a bit of luck we could be taking viewings by the end of the week.’
I feel my blood start to boil as I imagine an endless queue of monied young professional Londoners traipsing through my home, commenting about the ‘finish’ of my bloody kitchen and how they’re going to knock all the downstairs rooms together to make one huge ‘entertaining space’.
‘So, you’ll get the contract back to me asap?’
‘Of course.’
‘Oh, and they also need us to fill out the fixtures and fittings list. I’ve ticked what I think should stay and if you’re in agreement just sign your name at the bottom.’
‘What sort of things?’
‘All the usual suspects: curtains, carpets, light fittings and the like.’
‘What about the shed?’ The question had come out of nowhere but the more I thought about it the more I could see that it was never that far away.
‘I’ve ticked that it’s staying. That was right, wasn’t it? Sheds aren’t really the sorts of things people take with them.’
I picture my beloved shed and all of the things I never got to do inside it.
‘Whatever.’ It’s like my licence to be a fully fledged adult has been revoked. ‘I mean, what use has a guy like me got for a shed?’
Days left to turning forty: 163
11
It’s hard not to be impressed by my sister’s huge glass-fronted barn conversion. Surrounded on all sides by open countryside, it couldn’t have been more different from the house we grew up in and my heart swells with pride at how well my kid sister has done for herself.
As we pull up on the gravel drive the front door opens and out stream my sister and her family to greet us. Once we’re out of the car Dad starts fussing around my nephews while Mum makes a beeline for my brother-in-law, plucking baby Evie out of his arms and leaving me alone with Yvonne.
She hugs me tightly. ‘It’s good to see you, Matt.’
‘You too,’ I reply. ‘This is some place you’ve got here. It’s practically a castle.’
‘I still can’t believe how lucky we are. The garden’s so huge that Oli’s just bought himself one of those sit-on mowers. Whenever he’s on it he’s got a huge grin fixed to his face like a big kid. Dad’s a fan too.’
‘I think they’re fans of everything you do at the moment. They haven’t stopped talking about the kids or your house.’
She laughs and studies my face as though analysing me. ‘You sound a bit jealous. Afraid your place as number one child is being usurped?’
‘Me? Never. They’ll always love me more than you, Ed and Tony because I was their first! You guys were just an afterthought.’
Yvonne raises a mischievous eyebrow. ‘So is that why they’re always talking about moving out here?’
‘They’re just saying that,’ I
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