Read Online Turn to Darkness (Offspring 5.6) by Jaime Rush - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Jaime Rush
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understand.”
“Then help me to.”
He wanted to help her, because he’d lost someone to despair. To grief. No, she’d never take her own life. She’d killed parts of her soul, though. He was right; she hadn’t gotten over it. But not for the reasons he probably thought.
She looked up, past him, tears blurring her eyes. “I shut down that part of myself. The only guy I’d ever been with was one of the guys who . . . who raped me.” She forced it out so Greer wouldn’t think she was hiding from the word. “Frankie got high after we’d had sex, and then his two friends came over and got high with him. They were stoned out of their minds, and then they started looking at me like I was a piece of meat.
“They were talking about all having ‘a taste of me,’ and Frankie didn’t stop them. Instead, he said how I could make his friends happy, couldn’t I? They were good guys, did ‘things’ for him. Whatever those things were. I flat out told him no. I didn’t love him, but I thought he liked me enough not to offer me like he owned me. I tried to leave, but he grabbed me, held me down.”
“God, Shea.” His hands grasped her shoulders, tightened on them.
“Somehow seeing me fight them incited him, and he joined in.”
He brushed away a tear she didn’t even know had fallen. “Sick fu—” He held the word back. “If he wasn’t already dead, I’d want to kill him. And then you went to the police and they didn’t believe you?”
“I got the impression the officer thought I was exaggerating. Because I’d had consensual sex with one of them, and there were drugs in the picture, he figured we all had some drunken fun and then I regretted it. He basically told me I wouldn’t have much of a chance of proving it, and I knew he was right.”
“I wish I’d known earlier. Then I would have understood—”
“But I didn’t want anyone to know, don’t you get that?” She pulled away, wrapping her arms around herself.
“Shea, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It happened to you. You were an innocent victim.”
She wished she could feel that way. Bad enough that he knew about the rape. She wasn’t going to get into the rest of it. “Maybe I do need a human touch. Maybe when I look at you, some part of me wants to feel you. When you touched me just now, that was the first time anyone’s touched me since then. It was good, yes, but then I felt . . .”
“Memories?” he asked simply.
She nodded, because she didn’t want to say, No, shame. I felt shame. That if you knew everything, you’d look at me differently.
He slid his hand down her arm. “I want to change that. When I touch you, I want you to feel safe. Cherished. Eventually aroused.” His fingers stroked the skin of her forearm, where she’d pushed back her sleeves. “I’d like to do that for you. And for me.”
“Why? Why would you do that for me? Why me?”
He seemed puzzled by the question. “Why not you?”
Anger surged, a familiar and comforting friend. “Things were perfectly fine before you walked in on me. We were friends, nothing more.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “Shea, I caught you watching me sometimes in the mirror, when you didn’t know I could see you. You had a longing in your eyes, a hunger. Until then, yeah, I saw you like a friend, one of the guys, sort of. But that got me thinking. Then I saw how gorgeous you are under all those baggy clothes. You got under my skin.”
“Just because you saw me naked. Come on, I’m not that gorgeous. Besides, you see naked women all the time.”
“Shea, don’t you get it? It’s not that I saw you naked. It’s that I saw you naked.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “That makes no sense.”
“You, Shea. A girl I care about, who I know is sweet and strong and a little bit mysterious.”
“I’m not sweet, okay. And now you know why I keep to myself, so I’m not mysterious.”
“I don’t know everything.” He gave her a challenging
“Then help me to.”
He wanted to help her, because he’d lost someone to despair. To grief. No, she’d never take her own life. She’d killed parts of her soul, though. He was right; she hadn’t gotten over it. But not for the reasons he probably thought.
She looked up, past him, tears blurring her eyes. “I shut down that part of myself. The only guy I’d ever been with was one of the guys who . . . who raped me.” She forced it out so Greer wouldn’t think she was hiding from the word. “Frankie got high after we’d had sex, and then his two friends came over and got high with him. They were stoned out of their minds, and then they started looking at me like I was a piece of meat.
“They were talking about all having ‘a taste of me,’ and Frankie didn’t stop them. Instead, he said how I could make his friends happy, couldn’t I? They were good guys, did ‘things’ for him. Whatever those things were. I flat out told him no. I didn’t love him, but I thought he liked me enough not to offer me like he owned me. I tried to leave, but he grabbed me, held me down.”
“God, Shea.” His hands grasped her shoulders, tightened on them.
“Somehow seeing me fight them incited him, and he joined in.”
He brushed away a tear she didn’t even know had fallen. “Sick fu—” He held the word back. “If he wasn’t already dead, I’d want to kill him. And then you went to the police and they didn’t believe you?”
“I got the impression the officer thought I was exaggerating. Because I’d had consensual sex with one of them, and there were drugs in the picture, he figured we all had some drunken fun and then I regretted it. He basically told me I wouldn’t have much of a chance of proving it, and I knew he was right.”
“I wish I’d known earlier. Then I would have understood—”
“But I didn’t want anyone to know, don’t you get that?” She pulled away, wrapping her arms around herself.
“Shea, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It happened to you. You were an innocent victim.”
She wished she could feel that way. Bad enough that he knew about the rape. She wasn’t going to get into the rest of it. “Maybe I do need a human touch. Maybe when I look at you, some part of me wants to feel you. When you touched me just now, that was the first time anyone’s touched me since then. It was good, yes, but then I felt . . .”
“Memories?” he asked simply.
She nodded, because she didn’t want to say, No, shame. I felt shame. That if you knew everything, you’d look at me differently.
He slid his hand down her arm. “I want to change that. When I touch you, I want you to feel safe. Cherished. Eventually aroused.” His fingers stroked the skin of her forearm, where she’d pushed back her sleeves. “I’d like to do that for you. And for me.”
“Why? Why would you do that for me? Why me?”
He seemed puzzled by the question. “Why not you?”
Anger surged, a familiar and comforting friend. “Things were perfectly fine before you walked in on me. We were friends, nothing more.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “Shea, I caught you watching me sometimes in the mirror, when you didn’t know I could see you. You had a longing in your eyes, a hunger. Until then, yeah, I saw you like a friend, one of the guys, sort of. But that got me thinking. Then I saw how gorgeous you are under all those baggy clothes. You got under my skin.”
“Just because you saw me naked. Come on, I’m not that gorgeous. Besides, you see naked women all the time.”
“Shea, don’t you get it? It’s not that I saw you naked. It’s that I saw you naked.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “That makes no sense.”
“You, Shea. A girl I care about, who I know is sweet and strong and a little bit mysterious.”
“I’m not sweet, okay. And now you know why I keep to myself, so I’m not mysterious.”
“I don’t know everything.” He gave her a challenging
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