Read Online Turds in the Punch Bowl (A Story of No Ordinary Friendship) by Jen Ashton - Free Book Online Page B
Book: Turds in the Punch Bowl (A Story of No Ordinary Friendship) by Jen Ashton
Read Free Book Online
Authors: Jen Ashton
Ads: Link
The last thing I needed at that moment was Joe getting a hard on. I would’ve puked.
Michele was loving every moment of it. So much so that she actually made conversation with the pimps and asked me if I had any female condoms. She wanted to have sex with that woman, even after all the men that had just visited her vagina. And she probably would have if it weren’t for what happened next. It was the single most disgusting thing I have ever witnessed in person. Video is different. I would like to put a disclaimer on that. When you watch a porno, it’s not real. It’s real enough to get you off, but not real enough to make you sit and think about what’s really going on. Seeing things first hand, though, bring a whole new element of the senses. You can almost smell the germs. It’s different. Trust me.
Needless to say, after I watched a man stick his penis in her butt, then her mouth, and then her butt again. I was queasy. But when we watched her kiss her pimp with that mouth moments later, I launched Michele across the room and I was out of there faster than you can say ATM. Ass to mouth, not automated teller machine.
I wanted to call it a night at that point, but we found an orgy with a midget. I had never seen a midget in action, so it didn’t take much for Joe to convince me to stay. Joe loves midgets. He is borderline obsessed with them. He once dated a girl only because she had a brother who was a midget. Joe did endless research on whether the midget gene might be dormant in her DNA. He was convinced that if he got her pregnant, one day he could have a midget of his very own.
This midget was a girl. I’m not technically sure she was a certifiable midget, but she was a miniature version of Snookie. She was clearly intoxicated and seemed to have a bottomless vagina. That fascinated me. I agreed it could be a good show and so the three of us crammed into a small, dark viewing room with forty or so other men. Only a screen separated us from the midget show, so we could hear everything. Every moan, every squeal, every gurgle.
I looked around to notice that every male in the viewing room had his hand in his pants and was playing a quick game of pocket pool. I started to feel gross. Someone tried to touch me in the dark. I grabbed Joe and slid through the crowd toward a sofa. We climbed up on the back of it and sat high above the sea of Yankees. The show didn’t disappoint. The midget and her friend took on several black men with humungous dongs. I was sure she would bottom out at some point, but she was a champ.
Just when she and her chocolate partner were about to climax, some dick in the crowd got too excited and leaned on the light switch. Suddenly, the dark viewing room full of jacking johns was lit up like high noon. They hurriedly removed their grips on their willies and froze, standing in fear like deer in the headlights. No one made a peep. It was the most uncomfortable silence I have ever heard. No one knew what to do. They were all caught. Even the jerk who turned on the light by accident caught himself off guard and was too stunned to realize he had done so. Awkwardness filled the air.
Leave it to Joe to break the silence. You can always count on him for a good laugh, even at his own expense. Out of the blue, Joe rose to his feet with the fear of God in his eyes and his mouth dropped wide open. He pointed into the crowd at some random guy in slow motion and yelled, “ Dad?!!! ”
Everyone broke into laughter and someone finally found the light switch. Though everyone else opted to resume the show, Joe’s joke was our cue to call it a night.
JACKASSES IN THE DESERT
One spring afternoon, Joe and I decided to go hiking. We weren’t avid hikers and definitely didn’t know our way around the terrain. But, we had heard of a waterfall just off the Red Rock Loop that appeared after the rain and before the desert summer arrived. All someone had to say was waterfall and we were sold. Flowing water in
Michele was loving every moment of it. So much so that she actually made conversation with the pimps and asked me if I had any female condoms. She wanted to have sex with that woman, even after all the men that had just visited her vagina. And she probably would have if it weren’t for what happened next. It was the single most disgusting thing I have ever witnessed in person. Video is different. I would like to put a disclaimer on that. When you watch a porno, it’s not real. It’s real enough to get you off, but not real enough to make you sit and think about what’s really going on. Seeing things first hand, though, bring a whole new element of the senses. You can almost smell the germs. It’s different. Trust me.
Needless to say, after I watched a man stick his penis in her butt, then her mouth, and then her butt again. I was queasy. But when we watched her kiss her pimp with that mouth moments later, I launched Michele across the room and I was out of there faster than you can say ATM. Ass to mouth, not automated teller machine.
I wanted to call it a night at that point, but we found an orgy with a midget. I had never seen a midget in action, so it didn’t take much for Joe to convince me to stay. Joe loves midgets. He is borderline obsessed with them. He once dated a girl only because she had a brother who was a midget. Joe did endless research on whether the midget gene might be dormant in her DNA. He was convinced that if he got her pregnant, one day he could have a midget of his very own.
This midget was a girl. I’m not technically sure she was a certifiable midget, but she was a miniature version of Snookie. She was clearly intoxicated and seemed to have a bottomless vagina. That fascinated me. I agreed it could be a good show and so the three of us crammed into a small, dark viewing room with forty or so other men. Only a screen separated us from the midget show, so we could hear everything. Every moan, every squeal, every gurgle.
I looked around to notice that every male in the viewing room had his hand in his pants and was playing a quick game of pocket pool. I started to feel gross. Someone tried to touch me in the dark. I grabbed Joe and slid through the crowd toward a sofa. We climbed up on the back of it and sat high above the sea of Yankees. The show didn’t disappoint. The midget and her friend took on several black men with humungous dongs. I was sure she would bottom out at some point, but she was a champ.
Just when she and her chocolate partner were about to climax, some dick in the crowd got too excited and leaned on the light switch. Suddenly, the dark viewing room full of jacking johns was lit up like high noon. They hurriedly removed their grips on their willies and froze, standing in fear like deer in the headlights. No one made a peep. It was the most uncomfortable silence I have ever heard. No one knew what to do. They were all caught. Even the jerk who turned on the light by accident caught himself off guard and was too stunned to realize he had done so. Awkwardness filled the air.
Leave it to Joe to break the silence. You can always count on him for a good laugh, even at his own expense. Out of the blue, Joe rose to his feet with the fear of God in his eyes and his mouth dropped wide open. He pointed into the crowd at some random guy in slow motion and yelled, “ Dad?!!! ”
Everyone broke into laughter and someone finally found the light switch. Though everyone else opted to resume the show, Joe’s joke was our cue to call it a night.
JACKASSES IN THE DESERT
One spring afternoon, Joe and I decided to go hiking. We weren’t avid hikers and definitely didn’t know our way around the terrain. But, we had heard of a waterfall just off the Red Rock Loop that appeared after the rain and before the desert summer arrived. All someone had to say was waterfall and we were sold. Flowing water in
Similar Books
