Read Online Trust the Focus by Megan Erickson - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Megan Erickson
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me—”
“I’m going for a walk.”
I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t stand there in this tiny space next to him, feeling the hurt on his face in my own heart. I grabbed my phone, threw open the door, and walked out.
I didn’t go far. I meandered among the trucks and listened to CB radios cackle and hoped Landry locked the door behind me because it was getting late and this was fucking Nowhere, Kansas.
And to top off my day, my phone rang.
Mom.
“Hey.” My voice sounded irritated and raspy as hell. Dread settled in my gut. I should have let it go to voice mail. I was in no mood to deal with Sheila Akron.
“Hello, Justin.”
I didn’t speak.
“How’s your trip going?”
Horrible.
“Fine.”
“Did you read the e-mails I sent you?”
No.
“Yes.”
There was a pause, probably where she expected me to comment on the e-mails, but since I only clicked them as read and didn’t actually
read
them, I couldn’t comment.
Finally, when the silence stretched into awkwardness, she cleared her throat. “I guess we’ll discuss them when you’re back.”
“Great plan.” My voice snapped out sharper than I intended.
Another pause, then, “Where are you now?”
“Uh, someplace in Kansas. We’re going to the Monument Rocks natural area next. Looks pretty cool. If you want to follow along, Landry has that blog up. I e-mailed you the link, right?”
She cleared her throat. “Yes, you did.”
Her voice sounded funny. “Okay. Uh, are you following it? Do you like it?”
“Are you sure you want him doing that blog? I mean . . .” Her voice trailed off.
“What?”
“Well, it’s just, Landry can’t help being Landry and I don’t want other people to think . . . that you’re like him.”
I tried to pretend the words didn’t hurt, that the cut she made wasn’t painful, but I could imagine my blood dripping on the faded asphalt in the moonlight. I gritted my teeth and ignored the growing puddle. “Like him? You mean a good person?”
A heavy sigh. “You know what I mean.”
I was tired, oh so tired, the weight of my life and my lie sitting on my chest, constricting my breathing. The sheep’s clothing I wore had grown hot, itchy, and way too tight. I wanted to slough it off, reveal my wolf’s fangs.
“You know, Mom? I do know what you mean but I’m still going to need you to say the word before you pass judgment on him.”
“Don’t start with me, Justin. You have responsibilities soon and I want to make sure you’re living up to them.”
“How is this not living up to my responsibilities? What are you even talking about?”
She sucked in a breath. “I think you know what I’m talking about.”
Did I?
“Don’t lose sight of your goals because of things that are shiny just because they’re different.” Each word was sharp and pointy like a spike to my frontal lobe.
I almost laughed. Landry wasn’t shiny because he was different. He was shiny all on his own, and because he was just like me.
More than anything, I wanted to say “Fuck you,” but I didn’t, I couldn’t. So all I said was, “Yes, Mom.”
“Be safe, and I’ll call again soon. And study those e-mails.”
We said our good-byes and hung up. Then I trudged back to Sally. My head pounded and my back ached and my body vibrated with restrained anger. The hot lava of my blood simmered below my skin, the bubbles popping and itching, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I blew. And I was scared of what or who would be caught in the blast.
Chapter Six
When I reached Sally, Landry was outside, his phone clutched in his hand, pacing in front of the RV.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
He whirled, complete and utter relief all over his face.
“I was worried about you.”
“Why?”
“That’s a dumb question, Justin. You’re completely on edge and off-balance. I was worried you’d . . . I don’t know . . .”
“What Landry? What the hell would I do? I just wanted a walk. To be
“I’m going for a walk.”
I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t stand there in this tiny space next to him, feeling the hurt on his face in my own heart. I grabbed my phone, threw open the door, and walked out.
I didn’t go far. I meandered among the trucks and listened to CB radios cackle and hoped Landry locked the door behind me because it was getting late and this was fucking Nowhere, Kansas.
And to top off my day, my phone rang.
Mom.
“Hey.” My voice sounded irritated and raspy as hell. Dread settled in my gut. I should have let it go to voice mail. I was in no mood to deal with Sheila Akron.
“Hello, Justin.”
I didn’t speak.
“How’s your trip going?”
Horrible.
“Fine.”
“Did you read the e-mails I sent you?”
No.
“Yes.”
There was a pause, probably where she expected me to comment on the e-mails, but since I only clicked them as read and didn’t actually
read
them, I couldn’t comment.
Finally, when the silence stretched into awkwardness, she cleared her throat. “I guess we’ll discuss them when you’re back.”
“Great plan.” My voice snapped out sharper than I intended.
Another pause, then, “Where are you now?”
“Uh, someplace in Kansas. We’re going to the Monument Rocks natural area next. Looks pretty cool. If you want to follow along, Landry has that blog up. I e-mailed you the link, right?”
She cleared her throat. “Yes, you did.”
Her voice sounded funny. “Okay. Uh, are you following it? Do you like it?”
“Are you sure you want him doing that blog? I mean . . .” Her voice trailed off.
“What?”
“Well, it’s just, Landry can’t help being Landry and I don’t want other people to think . . . that you’re like him.”
I tried to pretend the words didn’t hurt, that the cut she made wasn’t painful, but I could imagine my blood dripping on the faded asphalt in the moonlight. I gritted my teeth and ignored the growing puddle. “Like him? You mean a good person?”
A heavy sigh. “You know what I mean.”
I was tired, oh so tired, the weight of my life and my lie sitting on my chest, constricting my breathing. The sheep’s clothing I wore had grown hot, itchy, and way too tight. I wanted to slough it off, reveal my wolf’s fangs.
“You know, Mom? I do know what you mean but I’m still going to need you to say the word before you pass judgment on him.”
“Don’t start with me, Justin. You have responsibilities soon and I want to make sure you’re living up to them.”
“How is this not living up to my responsibilities? What are you even talking about?”
She sucked in a breath. “I think you know what I’m talking about.”
Did I?
“Don’t lose sight of your goals because of things that are shiny just because they’re different.” Each word was sharp and pointy like a spike to my frontal lobe.
I almost laughed. Landry wasn’t shiny because he was different. He was shiny all on his own, and because he was just like me.
More than anything, I wanted to say “Fuck you,” but I didn’t, I couldn’t. So all I said was, “Yes, Mom.”
“Be safe, and I’ll call again soon. And study those e-mails.”
We said our good-byes and hung up. Then I trudged back to Sally. My head pounded and my back ached and my body vibrated with restrained anger. The hot lava of my blood simmered below my skin, the bubbles popping and itching, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I blew. And I was scared of what or who would be caught in the blast.
Chapter Six
When I reached Sally, Landry was outside, his phone clutched in his hand, pacing in front of the RV.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
He whirled, complete and utter relief all over his face.
“I was worried about you.”
“Why?”
“That’s a dumb question, Justin. You’re completely on edge and off-balance. I was worried you’d . . . I don’t know . . .”
“What Landry? What the hell would I do? I just wanted a walk. To be
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