didn't look at the stage but at Georgiana.
She was in one of the best boxes in the
house, at an enviable proximity to the stage. Cecily and Dorothea
were on either side of her. John saw that Cecily had become a woman
of eighteen, and that Dotty was still a child at fourteen, with her
round cheeks, blonde curls and dimples. He loved these girls, who
had been present during his courtship of their sister. Cecily had
carried notes between them, and Dotty had never been able to keep
herself from hanging onto his arm or holding his hand to tease
Georgiana, who was not a child and could not touch him whenever she
wanted to. He loved them, and yet he had not stopped to think of
how he would frighten them when he had, in fury, climbed the steps
of Halford House on his horse.
There was someone else with them in the box,
a woman. Hugh was absent: perhaps he was still nursing the scar on
his face.
The welt from the whip lash on Georgiana's
shoulder was covered and might be starting to fade, just as the
mark of the gash on his cheek. The memories of that day, however,
were vivid. He could still see how she had looked in his bed, he
could still feel her skin, and her lips.
Many lorgnettes and opera glasses were being
turned on the Countess of Halford with the peculiar freedom
Londoners employed to watch each other. People stared openly so
they could admire or envy her beauty, and copy her finery.
He could not stop looking at her either,
because of the different quality she had acquired in his
absence: the womanliness of her expression and her shape, the soft
bosom which rose and fell with the music as she looked towards the
stage, seeming to feel so much. The diamonds around her face
and neck at this moment did not shine more brightly than a tear at
the corner of her eye, as she listened to the words being sung.
Lascia ch'io pianga
Mia cruda sorte,
E che sospiri la libertà ！
Let me weep for my cruel fate, and sigh after
freedom!
John had needed to possess Georgiana, to
secure the happiness she would bring to him, but now he longed to
devote himself to her until joy returned to her eyes, and her
sadness was entirely gone -- a sadness that yet made her
irresistible.
She is preparing herself to let her life
go to waste, he thought , just so that others may
thrive.
I won't let it happen! He had had
enough of being a shadow, and left the box, starting to make his
way to the exit. He would not follow her like some helpless thing,
he would give her happiness and security, and her sisters too --
enough of the useless longing!
Just as he turned a corner with a scowl of
determination on his face, he found himself face to face with
Cecily and Dorothea.
Both girls gasped and stared at him in
horror.
"No!" Dotty cried, like a child who was about
to be hurt.
His face showed grief at the fright he
was causing them. Cecily must have seen his distress, as she
touched his sleeve and asked, "Oh, John, why?"
He realized that Georgiana would scarcely
have told them what had happened afterwards. They could not know
the immensity of his repentance, or the intensity of his love.
"I am sorry, Cecily. I lost my head. I asked
her forgiveness, and she has given it!"
Cecily's eyes were soft, as she knew that
John could not, at times, control his rage, and that losing
Georgiana to Hugh would have driven him half mad. It was a story of
impossible love, one that awakened her deepest sympathy, and made
her suffer with them.
But Dotty was looking at him with a terrible
frown, and tears in her eyes.
"You don't forgive me, Dotty?" John
asked.
"She has the kindest heart in the world, how
could you? How could you?"
John reached out slowly, as if trying to
touch a wild deer, and pinched Dotty's earlobe with tenderness, as
he used to do when they had known each other before. The tears
spilled out of her eyes, tears of stubbornness, pity for her
sister, and love for John.
"If you only knew!" the girl said.
"What?" he asked sharply. "If I
She was in one of the best boxes in the
house, at an enviable proximity to the stage. Cecily and Dorothea
were on either side of her. John saw that Cecily had become a woman
of eighteen, and that Dotty was still a child at fourteen, with her
round cheeks, blonde curls and dimples. He loved these girls, who
had been present during his courtship of their sister. Cecily had
carried notes between them, and Dotty had never been able to keep
herself from hanging onto his arm or holding his hand to tease
Georgiana, who was not a child and could not touch him whenever she
wanted to. He loved them, and yet he had not stopped to think of
how he would frighten them when he had, in fury, climbed the steps
of Halford House on his horse.
There was someone else with them in the box,
a woman. Hugh was absent: perhaps he was still nursing the scar on
his face.
The welt from the whip lash on Georgiana's
shoulder was covered and might be starting to fade, just as the
mark of the gash on his cheek. The memories of that day, however,
were vivid. He could still see how she had looked in his bed, he
could still feel her skin, and her lips.
Many lorgnettes and opera glasses were being
turned on the Countess of Halford with the peculiar freedom
Londoners employed to watch each other. People stared openly so
they could admire or envy her beauty, and copy her finery.
He could not stop looking at her either,
because of the different quality she had acquired in his
absence: the womanliness of her expression and her shape, the soft
bosom which rose and fell with the music as she looked towards the
stage, seeming to feel so much. The diamonds around her face
and neck at this moment did not shine more brightly than a tear at
the corner of her eye, as she listened to the words being sung.
Lascia ch'io pianga
Mia cruda sorte,
E che sospiri la libertà ！
Let me weep for my cruel fate, and sigh after
freedom!
John had needed to possess Georgiana, to
secure the happiness she would bring to him, but now he longed to
devote himself to her until joy returned to her eyes, and her
sadness was entirely gone -- a sadness that yet made her
irresistible.
She is preparing herself to let her life
go to waste, he thought , just so that others may
thrive.
I won't let it happen! He had had
enough of being a shadow, and left the box, starting to make his
way to the exit. He would not follow her like some helpless thing,
he would give her happiness and security, and her sisters too --
enough of the useless longing!
Just as he turned a corner with a scowl of
determination on his face, he found himself face to face with
Cecily and Dorothea.
Both girls gasped and stared at him in
horror.
"No!" Dotty cried, like a child who was about
to be hurt.
His face showed grief at the fright he
was causing them. Cecily must have seen his distress, as she
touched his sleeve and asked, "Oh, John, why?"
He realized that Georgiana would scarcely
have told them what had happened afterwards. They could not know
the immensity of his repentance, or the intensity of his love.
"I am sorry, Cecily. I lost my head. I asked
her forgiveness, and she has given it!"
Cecily's eyes were soft, as she knew that
John could not, at times, control his rage, and that losing
Georgiana to Hugh would have driven him half mad. It was a story of
impossible love, one that awakened her deepest sympathy, and made
her suffer with them.
But Dotty was looking at him with a terrible
frown, and tears in her eyes.
"You don't forgive me, Dotty?" John
asked.
"She has the kindest heart in the world, how
could you? How could you?"
John reached out slowly, as if trying to
touch a wild deer, and pinched Dotty's earlobe with tenderness, as
he used to do when they had known each other before. The tears
spilled out of her eyes, tears of stubbornness, pity for her
sister, and love for John.
"If you only knew!" the girl said.
"What?" he asked sharply. "If I
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