worry and anger eating me alive from the inside. “This, what Marcus did? It’s just bruises. I’ll get over these. It’s the stuff you can’t see—the things that happen when you least expect them that hurt the most.”
She walks away from me, down the hall toward her room. I’m left standing near the front door, wondering if she just sucker punched me for leaving her alone all those months ago. And wondering if this is all somehow my fault.
~
“Dude, you have to let it go. You both made your choices; now you have to live with them.”
I nod at Tanner from the front seat, but I don’t say anything. Griff’s driving, having made the valid point that of the three of us, he’s the one with the car least likely to break down. I love Betty, but she’s inconsistent on a good day, and Tanner’s GTO can be heard in the next state over. We’d likely get cited for a noise violation before we ever even got to Marcus. So, we’re in Griff’s classic Bronco. He’s at the wheel, and Tanner is leaning over the center console from the back while I ride shotgun.
When I got home, they were both waiting for me. Griff’s a junior, and Tanner’s a freshman at Oregon State; neither lives at home anymore, but Rachel texted both of them and here they are. I haven’t really ever said much about Rachel—only the one time with Tanner, when I couldn’t come to terms with what I’d done or why I’d walked. When I got into the car, I didn’t even know what I was doing until the words were spilling out.
We’re almost to the parking lot where we know Marcus waits and makes deals with people who stop by. Tanner’s the one to remind me that the past can’t be changed—only survived.
“You still with Lauren?”
I look over at Griff, the quietest of us all, the steadiest, the most introspective, and I nod.
“Do you care about her?”
I nod again, because it’s true. I do care about Lauren—that’s the kicker. She’s the one I went after, the one I saw and wanted right away without really understanding why—a shiny new package I saw and instantly wanted because it was new. Rachel’s always just been Rachel. She’s the girl I tell everything to because she’s not just a girl—she’s the one person I can’t live without, and that makes her different. Until eight months ago, it made her off limits. Now, it doesn’t matter what’s there, because her life is complicated and we’re in no position to deal with what I want.
“You can’t compare them. Tanner’s right—you can’t change what you and Rae did. You hooked up, neither of you manned up and talked about it. You both went on with your lives, and you’re now here in a place where none of it matters. The only thing you can control is how you treat Lauren. If you don’t want to be with her, you break up with her. If you like her, go with it. You’re seventeen, Tripp. Try to remember that.”
“Preach it, G money,” Tanner says and claps him on the shoulder.
I smile despite myself. I don’t feel seventeen, but I know they’re both right. We can’t change what we did. Rachel’s my best friend. Lauren’s my girlfriend. Whatever Rachel and I did once feels so long ago. Now, her life isn’t about me, or even her. It’s about the baby. I need to put my shit aside and be her friend—be there for her in a way I wasn’t sure I could after we spent that night together. It means beating some fear into the guy she had the bad call to hook up with so he knows he isn’t allowed to look at her, let alone fucking touch her.
We don’t talk again until we’re pulling into a parking space near the water downtown. Across the street is a Riverwalk with restaurants and bars that are starting to pick up for their nightly rush. The bridge leading over the river onto the thirty-four is moving with a slow and steady line of cars—people making their way from Corvallis to the interstate or one of its neighboring towns. I look around the parking lot of the old
She walks away from me, down the hall toward her room. I’m left standing near the front door, wondering if she just sucker punched me for leaving her alone all those months ago. And wondering if this is all somehow my fault.
~
“Dude, you have to let it go. You both made your choices; now you have to live with them.”
I nod at Tanner from the front seat, but I don’t say anything. Griff’s driving, having made the valid point that of the three of us, he’s the one with the car least likely to break down. I love Betty, but she’s inconsistent on a good day, and Tanner’s GTO can be heard in the next state over. We’d likely get cited for a noise violation before we ever even got to Marcus. So, we’re in Griff’s classic Bronco. He’s at the wheel, and Tanner is leaning over the center console from the back while I ride shotgun.
When I got home, they were both waiting for me. Griff’s a junior, and Tanner’s a freshman at Oregon State; neither lives at home anymore, but Rachel texted both of them and here they are. I haven’t really ever said much about Rachel—only the one time with Tanner, when I couldn’t come to terms with what I’d done or why I’d walked. When I got into the car, I didn’t even know what I was doing until the words were spilling out.
We’re almost to the parking lot where we know Marcus waits and makes deals with people who stop by. Tanner’s the one to remind me that the past can’t be changed—only survived.
“You still with Lauren?”
I look over at Griff, the quietest of us all, the steadiest, the most introspective, and I nod.
“Do you care about her?”
I nod again, because it’s true. I do care about Lauren—that’s the kicker. She’s the one I went after, the one I saw and wanted right away without really understanding why—a shiny new package I saw and instantly wanted because it was new. Rachel’s always just been Rachel. She’s the girl I tell everything to because she’s not just a girl—she’s the one person I can’t live without, and that makes her different. Until eight months ago, it made her off limits. Now, it doesn’t matter what’s there, because her life is complicated and we’re in no position to deal with what I want.
“You can’t compare them. Tanner’s right—you can’t change what you and Rae did. You hooked up, neither of you manned up and talked about it. You both went on with your lives, and you’re now here in a place where none of it matters. The only thing you can control is how you treat Lauren. If you don’t want to be with her, you break up with her. If you like her, go with it. You’re seventeen, Tripp. Try to remember that.”
“Preach it, G money,” Tanner says and claps him on the shoulder.
I smile despite myself. I don’t feel seventeen, but I know they’re both right. We can’t change what we did. Rachel’s my best friend. Lauren’s my girlfriend. Whatever Rachel and I did once feels so long ago. Now, her life isn’t about me, or even her. It’s about the baby. I need to put my shit aside and be her friend—be there for her in a way I wasn’t sure I could after we spent that night together. It means beating some fear into the guy she had the bad call to hook up with so he knows he isn’t allowed to look at her, let alone fucking touch her.
We don’t talk again until we’re pulling into a parking space near the water downtown. Across the street is a Riverwalk with restaurants and bars that are starting to pick up for their nightly rush. The bridge leading over the river onto the thirty-four is moving with a slow and steady line of cars—people making their way from Corvallis to the interstate or one of its neighboring towns. I look around the parking lot of the old
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