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Authors: Marcie Bridges
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he met my family , I thought to myself. Maybe that will help me feel better about things.
“Would you like to come to church with me this Sunday?” I asked him on Friday afternoon. “Well, with my family, I mean.”
“That sounds fun. What time should I be there?”
“We leave the house at 9, and don’t be late because Daddy is very strict about the timing,” I explained.
Micah began riding the city bus to my house each Sunday morning, making sure he was there well before the 9 o’clock deadline. My family really liked him right away, and we became closer as the weeks went on. I was running out of reasons why we shouldn’t be an official couple.
During the last week of September, I told him I would be his girlfriend. His smile seemed to reach from ear to ear, and he kissed me, but there was no spark, no excitement. I felt a twinge in the pit of my stomach as Brendan’s face flashed across my mind. No matter how much I wanted to feel starry-eyed about Micah, Brendan still held my heart. Kissing someone else made me want to cry all over again.
I did my best to focus on this new relationship I was building, trying not to let the past cloud the new memories I was making. It wasn’t easy but by the time Halloween came around Micah and I were as any new couple should be – having fun at the football games and going to church parties. We even attended the Homecoming Dance with my friend Vicki and her boyfriend. Things were going so well, I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And of course it did just that.
Micah and I were watching a traditional Thanksgiving Day football game when the phone rang. I hopped up and ran to the kitchen, telling the guys to keep watching the TV.
“Happy Thanksgiving.” The voice on the other end was achingly familiar. I swallowed hard.
“Hi. Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“I, ah, I just wanted to see if you were doing okay.”
I bit hard on my lip. I wanted to scream at him, and I wanted to cry. Instead I kept my voice steady while I answered.
“Everything is great. Absolutely great.” I thought of Micah sitting in the other room. “Really.”
“I’m glad.” He sounded sincere, but at the same time, there was that almost intimate quality to his voice that drew me back, threatened to seduce me.
“Well, listen, I’ve got to go.” I wanted to ask how he was doing, where he was, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to know. “I’ve got, um, company.”
“Okay. Take care.” He didn’t hang up, and I had to force myself to speak again.
“You, too. Bye.” I ended the call, but the turmoil it caused within me was just beginning.
I went back to where Micah was sitting on the couch, and he asked where I’d been. I sighed and tried to smile, grabbing his hand and pulling him up with me.
“We need to talk. C’mon.”
I led him up the steps to my bedroom and continued to hold his hand while he sat down. I was already in tears, the guilt and shame spilling over. I knew that it was time to tell him everything about Brendan; even if he didn’t need to hear it, I needed to say it.
I felt so relieved, getting all of the emotion and constant worry off my shoulders. Micah sat and listened, never letting go of my hand. When I was finished, he asked if Brendan was out of my life for good.
“I think so. Well, I thought so, until he called today. I mean, he’s still in Florida living with the two guys he left me for, so yeah, I guess.”
Micah nodded. “Okay. That’s good because you’re with me now, and I want it to stay that way.”
“Really?” I was so relieved. “I didn’t think you would want to still be my boyfriend after you knew about him. I mean, I was practically engaged to a gay man, for God’s sake! But I’m not going to question you, I’m just going to be happy about it.”
I gave him a hug and kiss, shaking my head as I thought about how lucky I was to have another chance at loving someone. I was
“Would you like to come to church with me this Sunday?” I asked him on Friday afternoon. “Well, with my family, I mean.”
“That sounds fun. What time should I be there?”
“We leave the house at 9, and don’t be late because Daddy is very strict about the timing,” I explained.
Micah began riding the city bus to my house each Sunday morning, making sure he was there well before the 9 o’clock deadline. My family really liked him right away, and we became closer as the weeks went on. I was running out of reasons why we shouldn’t be an official couple.
During the last week of September, I told him I would be his girlfriend. His smile seemed to reach from ear to ear, and he kissed me, but there was no spark, no excitement. I felt a twinge in the pit of my stomach as Brendan’s face flashed across my mind. No matter how much I wanted to feel starry-eyed about Micah, Brendan still held my heart. Kissing someone else made me want to cry all over again.
I did my best to focus on this new relationship I was building, trying not to let the past cloud the new memories I was making. It wasn’t easy but by the time Halloween came around Micah and I were as any new couple should be – having fun at the football games and going to church parties. We even attended the Homecoming Dance with my friend Vicki and her boyfriend. Things were going so well, I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And of course it did just that.
Micah and I were watching a traditional Thanksgiving Day football game when the phone rang. I hopped up and ran to the kitchen, telling the guys to keep watching the TV.
“Happy Thanksgiving.” The voice on the other end was achingly familiar. I swallowed hard.
“Hi. Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“I, ah, I just wanted to see if you were doing okay.”
I bit hard on my lip. I wanted to scream at him, and I wanted to cry. Instead I kept my voice steady while I answered.
“Everything is great. Absolutely great.” I thought of Micah sitting in the other room. “Really.”
“I’m glad.” He sounded sincere, but at the same time, there was that almost intimate quality to his voice that drew me back, threatened to seduce me.
“Well, listen, I’ve got to go.” I wanted to ask how he was doing, where he was, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to know. “I’ve got, um, company.”
“Okay. Take care.” He didn’t hang up, and I had to force myself to speak again.
“You, too. Bye.” I ended the call, but the turmoil it caused within me was just beginning.
I went back to where Micah was sitting on the couch, and he asked where I’d been. I sighed and tried to smile, grabbing his hand and pulling him up with me.
“We need to talk. C’mon.”
I led him up the steps to my bedroom and continued to hold his hand while he sat down. I was already in tears, the guilt and shame spilling over. I knew that it was time to tell him everything about Brendan; even if he didn’t need to hear it, I needed to say it.
I felt so relieved, getting all of the emotion and constant worry off my shoulders. Micah sat and listened, never letting go of my hand. When I was finished, he asked if Brendan was out of my life for good.
“I think so. Well, I thought so, until he called today. I mean, he’s still in Florida living with the two guys he left me for, so yeah, I guess.”
Micah nodded. “Okay. That’s good because you’re with me now, and I want it to stay that way.”
“Really?” I was so relieved. “I didn’t think you would want to still be my boyfriend after you knew about him. I mean, I was practically engaged to a gay man, for God’s sake! But I’m not going to question you, I’m just going to be happy about it.”
I gave him a hug and kiss, shaking my head as I thought about how lucky I was to have another chance at loving someone. I was
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