Read Online Totally Joe by James Howe - Free Book Online Page A

forgot to say before is that during my wedding obsession year I insisted that my mother buy all the bridal magazines at the supermarket checkout. She was, like, “But honey, you don’t know how to read yet.” Hello, who
reads
bridal magazines? Of course, when I get married there isn’t going to be a bride, although it might be fun to ask Jeff to strap on some soccer balls and be my maid of honor.
    I wonder if Colin wants to get married someday, too.
    (I just remembered what Kevin and Jimmy said about Bert and Ernie getting married and about that being so sick it made them want to puke and all.) (They’re the ones who are sick.) (Kevin and Jimmy, I mean.) (Totally.)
    LIFE LESSON : There should be a magazine called
Grooms
.

K IS NOT FOR
KISSING
    OH. MY. GOD. YOU ARE SO NOT GOING TO BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED on Monday! Okay, remember how in J I said I was worried that Kevin and Jimmy were going to tell everybody they saw Colin and me holding hands? Well, guess what. It was a whole lot worse! By the end of third period it was all over school that Colin and I had been seen kissing!
    I mean, hello.
Kissing?!
    Third period happened to be art, which is one of three classes Colin and I have together. We were coming from English (which we also have together) when we heard all this giggling and laughing and “They did
not!”
and “They did
sol”
coming from the art room. The minute they saw us, everybody went, “Shh, shh, shh,” and turned their heads away, acting like we weren’t there. Some of the girls were still giggling, though, and some of the boys were making kissy noises and punching each other on theshoulder. Kevin and Jimmy aren’t even in our art class, but I was, like, one thousand percent sure they were behind whatever was going on.
    I looked across the room at Bobby, who rolled his eyes and shook his head, which didn’t tell me anything. I was all set to go over and ask him what was up, when Mr. Minelli came in and told everybody to get to their tables and take out their sketchbooks.
    Ordinarily, I am very happy that Colin and I sit next to each other in art. Mr. Minelli lets the class talk in low voices while we work, and Colin and I have this goofy thing we do where he’s Moonet, the famous cow artist, and I’m Pigasso, who draws three-eyed pigs playing guitars. We have other goofy routines, too, and we’re always making each other laugh and then bumping elbows to make each other stop. Sometimes, I think we do it just as an excuse to bump elbows. But no way were we bumping elbows on Monday. We weren’t even talking to each other!
    When the bell rang, Colin grabbed his backpack, mumbled something about having to meet up with Drew, and was out the door before I was even out of my seat. I turned to Kelsey, who sits on the other side of me, and said, “Okay, what is going on?”
    Her hair was hanging over her face, so I wasn’t sure I heard right at first, but when I asked her a second time, I got it: “Everybody says you and Colin were kissing.”
    â€œWhat?
That’s ridiculous!”
    I expected her to say, “I know,” but instead she said, “Well, what if you were? It’s nobody’s business.”
    Bobby came around from the other side of the table then, and the three of us kept talking while we walked to history. It turned out that seeing us holding hands wasn’t good enough for Kevin and Jimmy (a.k.a. The Twin Faces of Evil). No, they had to tell the whole school they’d seen us
kissing
. When I reminded Bobby and Kelsey that they’d been with Colin and me the whole time, so they knew it wasn’t true, Bobby said that Kevin said it happened when we were standing by ourselves waiting to cross the street and no one was looking.
    â€œLook, Joe,” he said. “I don’t care if you and Colin kissed. It’s not a big deal, okay? It’s just so unfair that Kevin and