Read Online Tongue by Kyung-Ran Jo - Free Book Online Page A

expectation and curiosity toward the other person this way first, not in bed. There are many instances when the opposite is true, too. When you eat together, your relationship deepens or takes a step back—it’s either one or the other. Eating together, having sex—he and I are used to both, and we also know how to bring it up to the next level.
    I eat by myself. I gulp down two pieces of the sandwich. I’m full. I’m satisfied, but not completely. Sharing something and feeling satisfaction from it—now I can’t seem to recall how much joy that used to give me.
    “Why don’t you just take a bite?” Is the sandwich too boring to stimulate his appetite? He doesn’t even look at it.
    “I told you I don’t want to. Why do you keep doing this?”
    “Why do you think I keep doing this?”
    “It’s over, okay, so please stop.”
    “Over? What’s over? You’re not being rational right now. Any day now you’re going to come back and beg, saying you were wrong.”
    “That’s just not going to happen. And I wish you’d stop going around talking about Se-yeon.”
    I don’t know what he’s talking about.
    “I mean, you two liked each other back then. Why would you do something like that?”
    “I’ve never said anything about her to anyone.”
    “Okay. I guess it’s Mun-ju, then?”
    “Stop it. All you do is worry about Se-yeon, right? Have you bothered to ask me how I’ve been doing since you got here?”
    “If you keep doing that, you really make me out to be the bad guy.”
    I can’t speak.
    “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, but I can’t do anything, okay?”
    “You can come back. I told you I understand.”
    “It’s not you I want to live with anymore, it’s Se-yeon. How many times do I have to keep telling you this?”
    “You told me you loved me with that mouth of yours. Don’t you remember? Did you forget all of that?”
    “Yeah, I did back then. It’s all in the past, though.”
    “Come back to me.”
    He doesn’t say anything.
    I lay a hand gently on his arm, near his left elbow. No matter how much you kick off the covers in bed you always have a corner of it covering your stomach—just like that, we’d always been linked together, by one leg, one arm, one hand. “I’ll wait.”
    He pushes my hand away coldly. “It hurts me, too, to think about us ending up like this.”
    “It’s not hurt—you probably feel guilty.”
    He’s silent.
    “Isn’t that right?”
    “I think in the future I should just visit with Paulie in the yard.”
    I’m shocked.
    If I bake a cake, I think I’ll make it in the shape not of my body, but hers, Se-yeon’s. Giggling, watching you shiver in disgust, I would pierce the chocolate eyes with a fork and eat them. You would ask, very seriously, How did it taste? How’s that? And since you’ll be curious about its taste, we can eat the entire cake, from the ankles. How’s that?
    He’s not standing in front of me anymore. I rush out to the front door. He turns around, pausing as he slides his feet into his shoes. “Look in the mirror,” he says to me, his voice softening with pity for me for the first time.
    “You, you’re about to leave the person you love the most, okay? So think about it just one more time.”
    “I’m really sick and tired of that kind of talk.”
    I’m stunned into silence again.
    The door closes.
    If I turn around, I’d be able to see him one more time, walking across the yard, kindly but sadly hugging Paulie, whispering, See you soon. I’d loved the shadow he casts, as sturdy as that of a grove of trees in the sun. I’m so worked up that all I can do is crumple onto the shoes stacked in the foyer. I’m not sure what this heavy thing is, pressing down on my shoulders—hunger, powerlessness, Paulie. Okay. Goodbye, just for now. Even if I have everything, you leaving like that—it’s like losing everything. Bye. Even when you’re with her, you will have to think about me from time to time. I’ll continue to piece