Read Online Toil & Trouble: A Know Not Why Halloween (Mis)adventure by Hannah Johnson - Free Book Online Page B

supposed to wave the chainsaw around like it’s a
foam finger at a football game, but it’s hard not to. Surely some
chainsaw murderers must be jaunty folk, right?
     
    Nick snaps the picture. Howie takes a look at it.
     
    Wow. They are a ... non-enthusiastic bunch.
     
    A few minutes after he sends it to her, Amber texts
back, That is the saddest group of monsters I’ve ever seen. What
is Kristy supposed to be, a sexy roll of toilet paper? That doesn’t
really strike me as her style ...
     
    Howie texts back an abridged version of the Saga of
Tyler Fabray and The Sexy Mummy.
     
    Amber never answers.
     
    You know it’s bad when even Amber can’t come up with
something elegantly disdainful to say.
     
     
    +
     
     
    At six o’clock, they run through their list of
assigned duties.
     
    Kristy will stand guard at the cash register;
ideally, parents will be motivated to do a bit of light Halloweeny
shopping in the midst of the horror shows, although Howie is a
little doubtful as to how well that will go. Usually shopping
doesn’t happen in the dark. Unless you’re at Abercrombie.
     
    Howie, Arthur, and Cora will wander the shelfy maze
of terror. So will Amber, Mitch, and Cliff, once they all get off
work and show up.
     
    There’s a bit of a pickle when it comes to figuring
out who will take care of the upstairs shindig.
     
    And so Howie does what every mighty and fearsome man
might do upon encountering an insurmountable obstacle:
     
    He calls his mom for help.
     
    He also shoots off a text to the only other person he
can think of who hasn’t already gotten roped into this pit of
crazy: Mitch’s gigantic Rabelaisian teddy bear of a roommate,
Rudy.
     
    Desperate times, yo.
     
     
    +
     
     
    Mom hustles on over right away. Partly because she’s
an outstanding human being, and partly because Howie knows she is
just dying to witness all the idiocy. It is probably unhealthy to
be this delighted by watching your child make a fool of
himself.
     
    Rudy opts for a more dramatic entrance.
     
    Or maybe that’s just his natural thunder.
     
    Upstairs in Arthur’s office, Howie can hear the ol’ Rudester on his way. The stairs shake with every one of his
godlike footsteps.
     
    “Oh my,” Mom says, distracted from teasing Howie
about his super cool blood freckles.
     
    Rudy stands in the doorway, towering over everyone,
dressed in a pretty splendid bat costume.
     
    Not Batman.
     
    Just a bat.
     
    “’Sup,” he says.
     
    “Thank you for coming at the last minute. Are you
sure you’re up for the task?” Arthur asks Rudy.
     
    “No worries, sad hobo,” Rudy says, nonchalantly
waving his arms. His bat wing sleeves flutter. “Kids love me. We
get each other. We’re on the same level, see.”
     
    “Well, I can believe that,” Arthur admits. “Er,
you’ll be keeping an eye on things with Howie’s mother Miranda,
then.”
     
    “What up, Howbell’s mom,” Rudy says.
     
    “What up, Mitch’s roommate,” Mom replies gamely.
     
    “Ha ha! Nice one,” Rudy says. “You ready for
this?”
     
    Mom nods, pretty epically. “Oh yeah.”
     
    “Can you handle it?” Howie whispers, doing one last
mommy check before he heads downstairs. “What do you think?”
     
    “I think it’s a good thing I’m with David,” Mom
replies deviously, “because otherwise you might have gotten a new
stepdaddy tonight.”
     
    “You are a disgusting person,” Howie tells his
mother, with greatest love and respect, and then books it
downstairs.
     
     
    +
     
     
    At seven o’clock, the crowd has arrived.
     
    Arthur looks out the window at them.
     
    They all stand outside in the parking lot: at least
two dozen costumed-up kids and their parents. Tyler Fabray stands
in front of everyone, dressed like a pirate, exuding the sort of
swagger that suggests the store is his own personal ship.
     
    Or something.
     
    Arthur isn’t currently in the mood to master
metaphor.
     
    At the back of the crowd stands Annie