Read Online Tigers on the Beach by Doug MacLeod - Free Book Online Page B

use moisturiser. But it’s not so bad.’
    Sam walks into the living room. She isn’t wearing tights. Instead she has tight blue jeans and a red top, accessorised with red socks, red belt and red hair. Maybe she has red briefs? I stop thinking about this, in case I turn into Ben Beacham, the sex maniac of Samsara High.
    â€˜Let me get you something,’ says Rose, leaving the room.
    I tell Sam about Grandma and the possum trap. Sam doesn’t approve because she thinks that possums are cute and part of nature. Mind you, Sam doesn’t have to sweep up two kilos of their crap every morning.
Eternal Winter
starts at Flanders in half an hour, so we need to leave. Rose returns and hands me a zip-lock bag full of home-made chocolate biscuits in case we starve during the movie.
    â€˜Mum, you shouldn’t use zip-lock bags,’ says Sam. ‘They’re bad for the environment.’
    â€˜Nonsense,’ says Rose. ‘You can use them again and again.’ Sam says that somewhere in the world there is probably a huge island made from zip-lock bags and it will be there forever. Rose waves aside such environmental concerns. She wants to drive us to the cinema. Sam says it’ll be more eco-friendly for us to ride our bikes. Rose says she saw a story on the news about train surfing.
    â€˜Kids climb onto the tops of trains then stand upright and surf them from station to station,’ says Rose. ‘What is wrong with kids today?’
    â€˜I blame video games,’ I say.
    â€˜How very true,’ says Rose.
    â€˜Adam is an assistant manager,’ says Sam, to reassure her mother than I am too burdened with responsibility to be a train surfer. Rose looks impressed.
    â€˜Please be home in three hours,’ Rose says. ‘You’ll look after Sam, won’t you?’
    â€˜With my life,’ I say.
    Rose smiles. ‘It’s nice to see you again, Adam. I’m glad your face is better. You’re almost handsome.’
    Is it good for the mother of your girlfriend to describe you as ‘almost handsome’? I really wish that Grandpa was still around because he was the one who always answered questions like this.
    When we get to Flanders we lock up our bikes, even though it’s a low-crime area and thefts are rare. The only thief I know is Tony Palin, a kid from school who is so notorious that even Cash Converters has stopped buying stuff from him. The police haven’t arrested him yet, even though his parents keep reporting him.
    The two movies playing are
Eternal Winter
and a comedy called
Up the Duff.
I’ve heard that
Up the Duff
is funny and I wouldn’t mind seeing it myself.
Eternal Winter
is playing in the smaller cinema. This is fine by me. We’ll probably be the only two people in the audience. We decide to eat Rose’s home-made biscuits, rather than buy overpriced popcorn. Sam’s mother, I learn, is an amazing cook as well as a nurse.
    I hear someone call out. It’s Ben Beacham. He’s with Michaela Debeljak, a girl he fancies. She’s fairly pretty, with dyed blonde hair, but not my type. I prefer girls who look intelligent. Michaela looks as though she’d have difficulty finishing a quiz in
OK!
magazine. For example:
Please write the next two numbers in this sequence:
    1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, _ , _.
    Which of these characters is not one of Snow White’s seven dwarfs?
    1. Doc
3. Dopey
2. Sleepy
4. Scooby-Doo
    I introduce Sam to Ben and Michaela.
    â€˜Nice to meet you,’ says Sam.
    Ben Beacham is already perving at the top that Sam is wearing. Michaela Debeljak is also wearing a tight red top. She’s very proud of her boobs. She thinks it’s
hilarious
that she and Sam are wearing the same colour.
    â€˜This movie is supposed to be pretty funny,’ says Ben.
    â€˜We’re seeing
Eternal Winter,
’ I say.
    â€˜It’s meant to be good,’ Sam says. ‘Two guys in my wind ensemble