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Authors: Fiona Harper
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gold, to be hoarded when others spent them on you, or to be considered stolen if bestowed elsewhere. His absence hadn’t just been an inconvenience to Jennie, as he’d imagined. To her, it had been a gauge of his love.
She let out a long breath and relaxed back into the chair cushions again. ‘I left because I thought—’ she broke off to look back at him briefly ‘—that finding Becky again meant that you had decided.’
She didn’t finish the sentence, just looked in her lap.
That just didn’t make sense. Becky hadn’t even woken up the whole time he’d been there with her. Jennie couldn’t possibly think heactually … Any feelings he’d had for Becky had been those of sadness at a life wasted.
As far as he knew, he was the only person who’d ever given a damn about Becky, who had ever put her welfare first. Not even her family had given her that luxury. How could he have walked away and left her last moments to the hands of strangers?
Jennie was whispering now. ‘The longer you were away, the shorter the calls became, the more distant you were. I didn’t want to think it, but the old proverb’s right, Alex. Actions speak louder than words, and it was pretty clear where your loyalties lay. Even when she’d gone, it was her you wanted to be with.’
The rage he’d tucked neatly away surged up his throat, stinging as it went. How could she think that? Hadn’t the heady months they’d been together, all the promises they’d exchanged, been enough? Didn’t she know him at all?
She refused to meet his gaze. ‘I know we told each other we weren’t rushing into things, that we knew what we were doing, but I started to wonder…if maybe you realised you’d made a mistake, that I wasn’t the one you wanted.’
He closed his eyes. He’d hit the nail on the head. She really
didn’t
know him if shethought he was capable of being that fickle, if she thought he could make those promises one week and then take them back, like unwanted gifts, the next. He just wasn’t like that. And he had a wardrobe full of ghastly Christmas jumpers he never wore to prove the point.
But her reaction, while not particularly logical, had at least been honest. For days now he’d been worried about exactly the same thing. He’d wondered whether her departure was a sign that marrying him had been a whim, an impulse she’d regretted. He was relieved, he realised. Relieved that she’d left Paris because she’d been hurt, because she really
did
care, not because she didn’t give a hoot.
Just knowing that turned everything he’d been stewing over on its head. Something liquid and warm flowed inside him, something he thought had hardened into anger and disappointment. He wasn’t sure he wanted to feel it, but feel it he did, and he couldn’t help the next words that left his mouth.
‘That’s not true, Jennie. Of course I wanted you.’
He heard the little gasp in the back of her throat. She blinked furiously and then her lip wobbled. All her bravado drained away, leaving her looking young and very fragile. In his imagination he could see her leaving thehotel in Paris—large dark glasses covering her swollen pink eyes, refusing to look back as the taxi pulled away because it would be too painful.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said simply. ‘I didn’t realise you felt that way.’
Now the tears spilled over and coursed down her face, but she didn’t make a sound.
‘Thank you,’ she said in between sniffs, and went to fetch a tissue from a box on the small table. She sat back down and blew her nose loudly. ‘I appreciate you saying that—but it’s not enough. I need to know
why
, Alex. Why was she more important to you than I was?’
There. She’d said it, turned the fear that had been hiding round a corner in her heart into sounds and syllables. For a large chunk of her life, the people who mattered most to her had had more important things than her to tend to. She hadn’t been neglected, after all. She’d
She let out a long breath and relaxed back into the chair cushions again. ‘I left because I thought—’ she broke off to look back at him briefly ‘—that finding Becky again meant that you had decided.’
She didn’t finish the sentence, just looked in her lap.
That just didn’t make sense. Becky hadn’t even woken up the whole time he’d been there with her. Jennie couldn’t possibly think heactually … Any feelings he’d had for Becky had been those of sadness at a life wasted.
As far as he knew, he was the only person who’d ever given a damn about Becky, who had ever put her welfare first. Not even her family had given her that luxury. How could he have walked away and left her last moments to the hands of strangers?
Jennie was whispering now. ‘The longer you were away, the shorter the calls became, the more distant you were. I didn’t want to think it, but the old proverb’s right, Alex. Actions speak louder than words, and it was pretty clear where your loyalties lay. Even when she’d gone, it was her you wanted to be with.’
The rage he’d tucked neatly away surged up his throat, stinging as it went. How could she think that? Hadn’t the heady months they’d been together, all the promises they’d exchanged, been enough? Didn’t she know him at all?
She refused to meet his gaze. ‘I know we told each other we weren’t rushing into things, that we knew what we were doing, but I started to wonder…if maybe you realised you’d made a mistake, that I wasn’t the one you wanted.’
He closed his eyes. He’d hit the nail on the head. She really
didn’t
know him if shethought he was capable of being that fickle, if she thought he could make those promises one week and then take them back, like unwanted gifts, the next. He just wasn’t like that. And he had a wardrobe full of ghastly Christmas jumpers he never wore to prove the point.
But her reaction, while not particularly logical, had at least been honest. For days now he’d been worried about exactly the same thing. He’d wondered whether her departure was a sign that marrying him had been a whim, an impulse she’d regretted. He was relieved, he realised. Relieved that she’d left Paris because she’d been hurt, because she really
did
care, not because she didn’t give a hoot.
Just knowing that turned everything he’d been stewing over on its head. Something liquid and warm flowed inside him, something he thought had hardened into anger and disappointment. He wasn’t sure he wanted to feel it, but feel it he did, and he couldn’t help the next words that left his mouth.
‘That’s not true, Jennie. Of course I wanted you.’
He heard the little gasp in the back of her throat. She blinked furiously and then her lip wobbled. All her bravado drained away, leaving her looking young and very fragile. In his imagination he could see her leaving thehotel in Paris—large dark glasses covering her swollen pink eyes, refusing to look back as the taxi pulled away because it would be too painful.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said simply. ‘I didn’t realise you felt that way.’
Now the tears spilled over and coursed down her face, but she didn’t make a sound.
‘Thank you,’ she said in between sniffs, and went to fetch a tissue from a box on the small table. She sat back down and blew her nose loudly. ‘I appreciate you saying that—but it’s not enough. I need to know
why
, Alex. Why was she more important to you than I was?’
There. She’d said it, turned the fear that had been hiding round a corner in her heart into sounds and syllables. For a large chunk of her life, the people who mattered most to her had had more important things than her to tend to. She hadn’t been neglected, after all. She’d
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