Read Online Three Ex Presidents and James Franco by John Buchanan - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: John Buchanan
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can live happily with whoever we like. But the only reason you believe this is because you're in love with a straight man. The idea that he could just turn around and take you, be with you, without embarrassment or discomfort. That’s what you want."
"The idea of Brandon really bugs you doesn't it?"
"Yeah, maybe it does." Jake conceded. "But what bugs me more is the fact that you haven't come to terms with yourself. Get over it, being gay means you will only end up being with a gay man. We're all shades of grey, sure. But Brandon is such a dark shade he might as well be called black and you're such a bright shade you might as well be called white."
"I can't help who I'm in love with."
"Then you haven't figured out who you are. This bisexual nonsense is a sex scale. It’s who you would or could have sex with. But sex is all it is. If you had a scale of who you could or would fall in love with, that’s just a handful of people. That's the difference between gay and straight. Love, not sex.
"Your friend Brandon knows it. He can have sex with you. Though seeing as you spend your time with me, I doubt he does it anymore. But he knows he can't fall in love with you.
"So if you ask me,” Jake continued. “What’s my problem with the shades of grey? What’s my problem with everyone being bisexual? The problem is that it means sex and nothing else. In another world, in another time, maybe anyone could fall in love with anyone. But not here. Not in our lifetimes."
Jake had become quite animated, the car swerved a couple of times as he was speaking, but he adjusted it, albeit without lowering his tone or calming any.
We continued on in silence for a while. I knew I should say something in my own defence. Jake had been waiting to say this to me for quite a while. However, as violent as his rant had been by the end, I could only accept that there was some reason to it. I wondered if I was placing barriers before myself, preventing me from connecting with someone new. Someone like Jake.
The cogs and wheels in my brain were whirling. I realised that it was possible I didn't gravitate towards Jake because he educated me. It could well be because I liked him. All I needed to do was let myself open to that possibility. That my affection for him could transform into something even stronger than what I felt for Brandon. I thought these things and thought that this could be what irritated Jake the most.
I thought these things and turned to look at Jake. He was grey, scowling at the road ahead of him. Smoking deep, deep drags. As I continued to look at him, he didn't turn to catch my stare, just drove on in silence.
At that moment I realised something else. The speech, the outburst, may have been the truth. It was, however, also the end. Looking at him I knew he had decided that my education was over.
In the past, in the time of Lincoln, men may have had sexual feeling towards other men, feelings they didn't recognise. Now, in the 21st century, with that problem overcome, a boy sat in a car speeding down a freeway, contemplating the next step. I did not know how to say what I felt. Something seemed broken and I didn't know what to do.
33. It was late when we arrived at the motel beside the prison. Jake booked us two separate rooms. When I awoke the next day he had left. There was a note under my door saying to hang around he would be back tomorrow. I took it easy that day, watching TV, drinking coffee, reading the papers. The headline of the local newspaper read: Home of Buchanan now Gay Tourist Attraction.
Eric -
"The idea of Brandon really bugs you doesn't it?"
"Yeah, maybe it does." Jake conceded. "But what bugs me more is the fact that you haven't come to terms with yourself. Get over it, being gay means you will only end up being with a gay man. We're all shades of grey, sure. But Brandon is such a dark shade he might as well be called black and you're such a bright shade you might as well be called white."
"I can't help who I'm in love with."
"Then you haven't figured out who you are. This bisexual nonsense is a sex scale. It’s who you would or could have sex with. But sex is all it is. If you had a scale of who you could or would fall in love with, that’s just a handful of people. That's the difference between gay and straight. Love, not sex.
"Your friend Brandon knows it. He can have sex with you. Though seeing as you spend your time with me, I doubt he does it anymore. But he knows he can't fall in love with you.
"So if you ask me,” Jake continued. “What’s my problem with the shades of grey? What’s my problem with everyone being bisexual? The problem is that it means sex and nothing else. In another world, in another time, maybe anyone could fall in love with anyone. But not here. Not in our lifetimes."
Jake had become quite animated, the car swerved a couple of times as he was speaking, but he adjusted it, albeit without lowering his tone or calming any.
We continued on in silence for a while. I knew I should say something in my own defence. Jake had been waiting to say this to me for quite a while. However, as violent as his rant had been by the end, I could only accept that there was some reason to it. I wondered if I was placing barriers before myself, preventing me from connecting with someone new. Someone like Jake.
The cogs and wheels in my brain were whirling. I realised that it was possible I didn't gravitate towards Jake because he educated me. It could well be because I liked him. All I needed to do was let myself open to that possibility. That my affection for him could transform into something even stronger than what I felt for Brandon. I thought these things and thought that this could be what irritated Jake the most.
I thought these things and turned to look at Jake. He was grey, scowling at the road ahead of him. Smoking deep, deep drags. As I continued to look at him, he didn't turn to catch my stare, just drove on in silence.
At that moment I realised something else. The speech, the outburst, may have been the truth. It was, however, also the end. Looking at him I knew he had decided that my education was over.
In the past, in the time of Lincoln, men may have had sexual feeling towards other men, feelings they didn't recognise. Now, in the 21st century, with that problem overcome, a boy sat in a car speeding down a freeway, contemplating the next step. I did not know how to say what I felt. Something seemed broken and I didn't know what to do.
33. It was late when we arrived at the motel beside the prison. Jake booked us two separate rooms. When I awoke the next day he had left. There was a note under my door saying to hang around he would be back tomorrow. I took it easy that day, watching TV, drinking coffee, reading the papers. The headline of the local newspaper read: Home of Buchanan now Gay Tourist Attraction.
Eric -
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