Read Online Thread of Innocence (Joe Tyler Mystery #4) by Jeff Shelby - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Jeff Shelby
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it seriously. But that had honestly been my first reaction.
“My next reaction was wow,” I said. “We're pregnant.”
She nodded slowly. “We.”
I took a step so I was out of the doorway and back in the bedroom. “Yeah. I thought of it as we. I was stunned. I mean, it was one time. I couldn't believe we'd...done it perfectly for the first time in sixteen years.”
She laughed and shook her head.
“I'm really not trying to be funny,” I said. “But you told me and it hit me like a bag of cement. It was the last thing I was expecting you to say. And then you told me I didn't have to worry about it, that you weren't telling me so I'd be involved or whatever the hell you said. So I assumed you didn't give a shit about my opinion.”
The smile faded and she nodded again. “I was caught off guard, too. But I knew. I'd felt like crap and I knew what the test was going to tell me before I even took it. So I was angry at...I don't know. Everything. And I didn't want you to think that it was your responsibility or whatever. But I obviously had to tell you.”
“Which brings us back to where we started,” I said. “So you want my opinion?”
She hesitated, ran a hand through her hair again. “Yes.”
“I think having a baby right now would be about the worst thing anyone could think of doing, given all the circumstances,” I said. “Our unsettled relationship, Elizabeth's coming home, all the shit we're still going to have to deal with. Having a baby seems like dropping a match in a house filled with kerosene. For us, anyway.”
Her mouth tightened into a firm line, but she didn't say anything.
“But I also know that we'd talked about having a second child for years. And that our marriage blew up because some motherfucker took our daughter from us,” I said. “And we thought we lost her. We got her back, but we thought we lost her. Every single child is a gift. Every single one. And the fact that we conceived one in the middle of all of this...” My voice trailed off for a moment, but I cleared my throat and continued. “Maybe that was a message that we were getting a second chance at a bunch of things. You know I don't believe in all that religious rhetoric or think anyone should tell a woman whether or not she can have an abortion. Fuck all of those people and their soapboxes. But do I think we should have this baby?” I nodded my head. “Yeah. Strike the fucking match. Bring it on.”
Lauren watched me for a moment, then laid her hands flat on her thighs, her legs stretched out in front of her. “Wow. Okay.”
“You said you wanted to know where I stood,” I said, leaning up against the wall. “And I swear, Lauren. If you disagree and don't want to, I won't fight you for a single second. I'll do anything you need me to do.”
She chewed on her upper lip for a second. “I didn't know you'd feel so strongly.”
“I'm just being honest.”
She nodded, a small smile creeping onto her face. “Thank you. For being honest. For being you and cutting to the chase.” She paused and I watched her as she fingered the comforter beneath her. “And I guess we'll be having a baby.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
She smoothed the fabric beneath her fingers. “Not for a second have I not wanted to have it,” she said. “For exactly the reasons you said. Second chances. Gifts. All of that. I've thought about those things all week, staying awake at night, working them all through my head. And I agree with you. On all of it. I want to have the baby.”
I smiled. “Okay.”
“ Okay.” She shook her head like she couldn't believe it. “I guess we're going to have a baby.”
THIRTEEN
I slept in Lauren's room.
Not in a sexual or romantic way, but after we'd both admitted that we wanted to have the baby, I'd gone to the bed and hugged her. I'd wrapped my arms around her and she'd snuggled in to me and we'd both fallen asleep. I woke in the middle of the night, the seeds of panic
“My next reaction was wow,” I said. “We're pregnant.”
She nodded slowly. “We.”
I took a step so I was out of the doorway and back in the bedroom. “Yeah. I thought of it as we. I was stunned. I mean, it was one time. I couldn't believe we'd...done it perfectly for the first time in sixteen years.”
She laughed and shook her head.
“I'm really not trying to be funny,” I said. “But you told me and it hit me like a bag of cement. It was the last thing I was expecting you to say. And then you told me I didn't have to worry about it, that you weren't telling me so I'd be involved or whatever the hell you said. So I assumed you didn't give a shit about my opinion.”
The smile faded and she nodded again. “I was caught off guard, too. But I knew. I'd felt like crap and I knew what the test was going to tell me before I even took it. So I was angry at...I don't know. Everything. And I didn't want you to think that it was your responsibility or whatever. But I obviously had to tell you.”
“Which brings us back to where we started,” I said. “So you want my opinion?”
She hesitated, ran a hand through her hair again. “Yes.”
“I think having a baby right now would be about the worst thing anyone could think of doing, given all the circumstances,” I said. “Our unsettled relationship, Elizabeth's coming home, all the shit we're still going to have to deal with. Having a baby seems like dropping a match in a house filled with kerosene. For us, anyway.”
Her mouth tightened into a firm line, but she didn't say anything.
“But I also know that we'd talked about having a second child for years. And that our marriage blew up because some motherfucker took our daughter from us,” I said. “And we thought we lost her. We got her back, but we thought we lost her. Every single child is a gift. Every single one. And the fact that we conceived one in the middle of all of this...” My voice trailed off for a moment, but I cleared my throat and continued. “Maybe that was a message that we were getting a second chance at a bunch of things. You know I don't believe in all that religious rhetoric or think anyone should tell a woman whether or not she can have an abortion. Fuck all of those people and their soapboxes. But do I think we should have this baby?” I nodded my head. “Yeah. Strike the fucking match. Bring it on.”
Lauren watched me for a moment, then laid her hands flat on her thighs, her legs stretched out in front of her. “Wow. Okay.”
“You said you wanted to know where I stood,” I said, leaning up against the wall. “And I swear, Lauren. If you disagree and don't want to, I won't fight you for a single second. I'll do anything you need me to do.”
She chewed on her upper lip for a second. “I didn't know you'd feel so strongly.”
“I'm just being honest.”
She nodded, a small smile creeping onto her face. “Thank you. For being honest. For being you and cutting to the chase.” She paused and I watched her as she fingered the comforter beneath her. “And I guess we'll be having a baby.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
She smoothed the fabric beneath her fingers. “Not for a second have I not wanted to have it,” she said. “For exactly the reasons you said. Second chances. Gifts. All of that. I've thought about those things all week, staying awake at night, working them all through my head. And I agree with you. On all of it. I want to have the baby.”
I smiled. “Okay.”
“ Okay.” She shook her head like she couldn't believe it. “I guess we're going to have a baby.”
THIRTEEN
I slept in Lauren's room.
Not in a sexual or romantic way, but after we'd both admitted that we wanted to have the baby, I'd gone to the bed and hugged her. I'd wrapped my arms around her and she'd snuggled in to me and we'd both fallen asleep. I woke in the middle of the night, the seeds of panic
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