Read Online This Isn't What It Looks Like by Pseudonymous Bosch - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Pseudonymous Bosch
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HIRED US, THE T EAM OF E MERGENCY A GENTS, S PECIALISTS, AND E NGINEERS—MORE POPULARLY KNOWN BY OUR ACRONYM, T.E.A.S.E. —TO CONDUCT THIS DRILL IN ORDER TO ENSURE THAT YOU ARE PREPARED FOR
A GENUINE EMERGENCY. ALTHOUGH THIS IS ONLY A DRILL, YOUR FULL COOPERATION AND PARTICIPATION ARE IMPORTANT FOR YOUR OWN PROTECTION
AND THE PROTECTION OF OTHERS. ALSO, IT IS NECESSARY IF WE ARE GOING TO BE COMPENSATED FOR OUR WORK. (PSEUDONYMOUS BOSCH, THAT
CHEAP @$%@#%$&!!, REFUSES TO PAY US IN ADVANCE.)
YOUR RESPONSE TO THE DRILL WILL BE TIMED AND COMPARED TO OTHER READERS’ RESPONSES. THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY.
HUMILIATION OF PERCEIVED LOSERS IS NOT OUR INTENTION—ONLY A PERK.
REMEMBER OUR SLOGAN: IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED, YOU’LL NEVER HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE.
READY?
HERE IS THE SCENARIO FOR THE DRILL AS SUPPLIED TO US BY THE AUTHOR OF THIS BOOK. WE TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ITS LIKELIHOOD
OR VERACITY. BY PARTICIPATING, YOU AGREE NOTTO HOLD T.E.A.S.E. RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INJURIES INCURRED WHEN YOU RESPOND TO THE FOLLOWING EMERGENCY:
YOU ARE ON THE SCHOOL BUS. YOUR BEST FRIEND IS HOME SICK AND YOU HAVE THE SEAT TO YOURSELF. YOU ARE QUIETLY READING A BOOK—
THIS
BOOK, THE BOOK IN YOUR HANDS NOW, ALTHOUGH NO ONE ON YOUR BUS WOULD KNOW IT BECAUSE YOU HAVE, OF COURSE, DISGUISED THE BOOK
AS DISCUSSED EARLIER.
IF YOU MUST READ A SECRET SERIES BOOK IN PUBLIC, EVEN SOMEPLACE SAFE AND FAMILIAR-SEEMING, LIKE A SCHOOL BUS, IT IS BEST TO
GLANCE UPWARD EVERY ONE OR TWO MINUTES TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE NOT BEING OBSERVED BY ANY POTENTIAL MIDNIGHT SUN MEMBERS. SADLY,
YOU HAVE GOTTEN A LITTLE OVERINVOLVED IN THE STORY (SHAME ON YOU!) AND YOU HAVEN’T LOOKED UP IN MORE THAN TEN MINUTES.
NOW IMAGINE THIS: SUDDENLY REALIZING YOUR ERROR, YOU LIFT YOUR HEAD AND GLANCE OUT THE WINDOW. RUBBING YOUR EYES AND SHIELDING THEM FROM THE
SUN, YOU DON’T AT FIRST SEE ANYTHING AMISS.
GRADUALLY, YOU REALIZE THE BUS IS STOPPED AT A CROWDED INTERSECTION. THE POWER IS OUT AND THE TRAFFIC SIGNALS ARE REPEATEDLY
BLINKING RED. A TRAFFIC COP IS STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE INTERSECTION, DIRECTING TRAFFIC. WAIT A SECOND, SHE—WELL, OF
COURSE, SHE’S WEARING WHITE GLOVES! IT’S PART OF HER UNIFORM. PERFECTLY NATURAL. NO CAUSE FOR ALARM. NONETHELESS, YOU CAN’T
HELP EXPERIENCING A SMALL SHIVER.
SURVEYING THE STREETSCAPE FURTHER, YOU ARE SURPRISED TO SEE A MANHOLE COVER OPEN AND FLIP OVER ONTO THE ASPHALT. A CONSTRUCTION
WORKER IN A YELLOW HARDHAT AND AN ORANGE JUMPSUIT CLIMBS OUT FROM UNDER THESTREET. HE IS ALSO WEARING WHITE GLOVES. PROBABLY THEY ARE WORK GLOVES, YOU THINK. BUT STRANGE THAT THEY ARE WHITE. NOT VERY
PRACTICAL FOR CONSTRUCTION. WELL, THAT’S HIS PROBLEM. NO REASON TO PANIC.
AT FIRST YOU THINK IT’S A TRICK OF THE LIGHT, BUT THE MAN SITTING AT THE BUS STOP ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE STREET ALSO APPEARS
TO BE WEARING WHITE GLOVES. ON SECOND INSPECTION, YOU CONFIRM THAT, YES, HE IS, IN FACT, WEARING WHITE GLOVES. BUT WHY? GIVEN
THE BLACK SUIT AND THE MUSIC STAND LEANING AGAINST THE BENCH NEXT TO HIM, MAYBE HE IS AN ORCHESTRA CONDUCTOR? CONDUCTORS WEAR
GLOVES. THERE IS NO REAL EVIDENCE HE IS A MEMBER OF THE MIDNIGHT SUN, AFTER ALL.
AND YET. COMMON SENSE TELLS YOU: TWO PEOPLE WEARING GLOVES MIGHT BE A COINCIDENCE, THREE PEOPLE IS CAUSE FOR CONCERN.
YOUR CONCERN HEIGHTENS WHEN A MARCHING BAND SUDDENLY EMERGES FROM BEHIND A LINE OF CARS AND STARTS CROSSING THE INTERSECTION
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR SCHOOL BUS. THERE ARE OVER A HUNDRED BAND MEMBERS—TRUMPETERS, TUBA PLAYERS, DRUMMERS, THE WORKS—ALL
IN RED UNIFORMS DECORATED WITH GOLD BRAID.
AND ALL WEARING WHITE GLOVES.
YOU LOOK AT THEIR FACES, HOPING FOR A SIGN THAT THEY ARE A REAL MARCHING BAND—MAYBE A HIGH SCHOOL MARCHING BAND—AND NOT AN
ARMY OF EVIL ALCHEMISTS. BUT THEIR EYES ARE COLD. AND THEIR SKIN, WHILE YOUTHFUL, IS PALE AND ALMOST TOO TAUT. IN YOUR IMAGINATION,
THEY TRANSFORM FROM A HANDSOME, HEALTHY MARCHING BAND TO A BAND OF
A GENUINE EMERGENCY. ALTHOUGH THIS IS ONLY A DRILL, YOUR FULL COOPERATION AND PARTICIPATION ARE IMPORTANT FOR YOUR OWN PROTECTION
AND THE PROTECTION OF OTHERS. ALSO, IT IS NECESSARY IF WE ARE GOING TO BE COMPENSATED FOR OUR WORK. (PSEUDONYMOUS BOSCH, THAT
CHEAP @$%@#%$&!!, REFUSES TO PAY US IN ADVANCE.)
YOUR RESPONSE TO THE DRILL WILL BE TIMED AND COMPARED TO OTHER READERS’ RESPONSES. THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY.
HUMILIATION OF PERCEIVED LOSERS IS NOT OUR INTENTION—ONLY A PERK.
REMEMBER OUR SLOGAN: IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED, YOU’LL NEVER HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE.
READY?
HERE IS THE SCENARIO FOR THE DRILL AS SUPPLIED TO US BY THE AUTHOR OF THIS BOOK. WE TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ITS LIKELIHOOD
OR VERACITY. BY PARTICIPATING, YOU AGREE NOTTO HOLD T.E.A.S.E. RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INJURIES INCURRED WHEN YOU RESPOND TO THE FOLLOWING EMERGENCY:
YOU ARE ON THE SCHOOL BUS. YOUR BEST FRIEND IS HOME SICK AND YOU HAVE THE SEAT TO YOURSELF. YOU ARE QUIETLY READING A BOOK—
THIS
BOOK, THE BOOK IN YOUR HANDS NOW, ALTHOUGH NO ONE ON YOUR BUS WOULD KNOW IT BECAUSE YOU HAVE, OF COURSE, DISGUISED THE BOOK
AS DISCUSSED EARLIER.
IF YOU MUST READ A SECRET SERIES BOOK IN PUBLIC, EVEN SOMEPLACE SAFE AND FAMILIAR-SEEMING, LIKE A SCHOOL BUS, IT IS BEST TO
GLANCE UPWARD EVERY ONE OR TWO MINUTES TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE NOT BEING OBSERVED BY ANY POTENTIAL MIDNIGHT SUN MEMBERS. SADLY,
YOU HAVE GOTTEN A LITTLE OVERINVOLVED IN THE STORY (SHAME ON YOU!) AND YOU HAVEN’T LOOKED UP IN MORE THAN TEN MINUTES.
NOW IMAGINE THIS: SUDDENLY REALIZING YOUR ERROR, YOU LIFT YOUR HEAD AND GLANCE OUT THE WINDOW. RUBBING YOUR EYES AND SHIELDING THEM FROM THE
SUN, YOU DON’T AT FIRST SEE ANYTHING AMISS.
GRADUALLY, YOU REALIZE THE BUS IS STOPPED AT A CROWDED INTERSECTION. THE POWER IS OUT AND THE TRAFFIC SIGNALS ARE REPEATEDLY
BLINKING RED. A TRAFFIC COP IS STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE INTERSECTION, DIRECTING TRAFFIC. WAIT A SECOND, SHE—WELL, OF
COURSE, SHE’S WEARING WHITE GLOVES! IT’S PART OF HER UNIFORM. PERFECTLY NATURAL. NO CAUSE FOR ALARM. NONETHELESS, YOU CAN’T
HELP EXPERIENCING A SMALL SHIVER.
SURVEYING THE STREETSCAPE FURTHER, YOU ARE SURPRISED TO SEE A MANHOLE COVER OPEN AND FLIP OVER ONTO THE ASPHALT. A CONSTRUCTION
WORKER IN A YELLOW HARDHAT AND AN ORANGE JUMPSUIT CLIMBS OUT FROM UNDER THESTREET. HE IS ALSO WEARING WHITE GLOVES. PROBABLY THEY ARE WORK GLOVES, YOU THINK. BUT STRANGE THAT THEY ARE WHITE. NOT VERY
PRACTICAL FOR CONSTRUCTION. WELL, THAT’S HIS PROBLEM. NO REASON TO PANIC.
AT FIRST YOU THINK IT’S A TRICK OF THE LIGHT, BUT THE MAN SITTING AT THE BUS STOP ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE STREET ALSO APPEARS
TO BE WEARING WHITE GLOVES. ON SECOND INSPECTION, YOU CONFIRM THAT, YES, HE IS, IN FACT, WEARING WHITE GLOVES. BUT WHY? GIVEN
THE BLACK SUIT AND THE MUSIC STAND LEANING AGAINST THE BENCH NEXT TO HIM, MAYBE HE IS AN ORCHESTRA CONDUCTOR? CONDUCTORS WEAR
GLOVES. THERE IS NO REAL EVIDENCE HE IS A MEMBER OF THE MIDNIGHT SUN, AFTER ALL.
AND YET. COMMON SENSE TELLS YOU: TWO PEOPLE WEARING GLOVES MIGHT BE A COINCIDENCE, THREE PEOPLE IS CAUSE FOR CONCERN.
YOUR CONCERN HEIGHTENS WHEN A MARCHING BAND SUDDENLY EMERGES FROM BEHIND A LINE OF CARS AND STARTS CROSSING THE INTERSECTION
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR SCHOOL BUS. THERE ARE OVER A HUNDRED BAND MEMBERS—TRUMPETERS, TUBA PLAYERS, DRUMMERS, THE WORKS—ALL
IN RED UNIFORMS DECORATED WITH GOLD BRAID.
AND ALL WEARING WHITE GLOVES.
YOU LOOK AT THEIR FACES, HOPING FOR A SIGN THAT THEY ARE A REAL MARCHING BAND—MAYBE A HIGH SCHOOL MARCHING BAND—AND NOT AN
ARMY OF EVIL ALCHEMISTS. BUT THEIR EYES ARE COLD. AND THEIR SKIN, WHILE YOUTHFUL, IS PALE AND ALMOST TOO TAUT. IN YOUR IMAGINATION,
THEY TRANSFORM FROM A HANDSOME, HEALTHY MARCHING BAND TO A BAND OF
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