Read Online This Is What I Want by Craig Lancaster - Free Book Online Page A

not the way she could. When she allowed herself to think of them, in those moments when she wasn’t preoccupied by the day-to-day of being a wife and a mother and an auxiliary member, she had her own lamentations. Why was life stacked in such a way that she’d had to make binding decisions—where to live, whom to marry, whether to subjugate her own aspirations to those of Sam—before she had any way of knowing what she wanted? It seemed a cruel stroke that a willingness to wrestle with those questions came only after youth had been expended.
    She would not answer his question. She could not.
    “I think Squalid Love is your best book yet,” she said.
    The server swung by and went to top off Raleigh’s cup. He pressed a finger against the mug, about a half inch from the top. “Leave me some doctoring room, OK?”
    The woman—girl, really; she couldn’t be much more than eighteen, nineteen, Patricia figured—giggled and then complied with the request, leaving them to their conversation.
    Raleigh dropped in the cream and sugar and twirled the spoon through the muddied coffee as he looked back at Patricia. “The place has changed,” he said. “All these new stores and hotels swamping the fields I used to wander into with my BB gun.”
    Patricia met his smile with her own. “It doesn’t seem so sudden if you’re here every day,” she said, and then she wondered if he’d hear a slight in that, so she made haste with an addition. “You got the better deal.”
    A fresh approach by the server jerked Patricia’s head up, but the young woman had another target.
    “You’re Raleigh Ridgeley. I wasn’t sure—I mean, you look bigger, I mean taller, than in your photo, but that’s dumb because the photo is small,” she said. “What I mean is, you’re Raleigh Ridgeley.”
    “Guilty,” he said, and Patricia noted that as if on cue the server flushed a hearty pink.
    The young woman kept going now, zeroed in on Raleigh and oblivious to Patricia. “I had to read West of My Heart in college,” she said. “Listen to me—had to. It sounds like I didn’t want to. I did. I knew you were from around here. Anyway, I loved it. Do you mind if I sit down?” The sentences tumbled out a half beat too fast, collapsing into each other.
    Raleigh gestured to the chair opposite him. “Please.” Patricia scooted her own chair over to make room.
    The server folded herself into the seat and put the coffeepot on the table in front of her. Patricia watched as Raleigh smiled at the girl, and she wondered how often he had to deal with impositions such as this.
    “What’s your name?” he asked.
    “Skyler Fitch.”
    “Pleased to meet you.” He extended a hand over the table, and she giggled again as she met his grip. “So you had to read it in college. Where was this?”
    “Minot State.”
    “When did you graduate?”
    She placed her hands on her legs below the table and shrugged her shoulders. Nervous, Patricia noted. Nervous and pleased.
    “I haven’t graduated yet. I mean, I’ve dropped out. Not permanently, I have plans. I mean, I’m not going to work here forever. I don’t want you to think I’m dumb or something.”
    “Of course not,” he said.
    “It’s just that my husband is making bank in the oil fields, and we’ve been saving up for a house and, I don’t know. I just thought I’d help us out, you know?”
    “Sure.”
    “I wish I had my book here! I’d get you to sign it.” She made a pouty face, and now Patricia wanted to throttle her. “I mean, wow, Raleigh Ridgeley.”
    Raleigh leaned forward, giving himself room to retrieve his wallet from his back pocket. He extracted two business cards and passed them across the table.
    “How about I send you signed copies of all of the books?” he said.
    “Would you do that?”
    “Absolutely. Just write your mailing address and your email address on one of those cards, and I’ll get the books out to you. I have some things to do for the next few days, but