Read Online Therapy by Kathryn Perez - Free Book Online Page A

be happy, you know? It was my fault, after all, that Genevieve died. If I’d been there on time, it would’ve never happened. I don’t want her to see me as the person responsible for my sister’s death. I want her to see me as the son they’re proud of.”
    He presses a kiss to the tips of two fingers before reaching down and placing them on top of the headstone. “I miss her every day,” he whispers. My heart cracks right in half for him.
    “So you see, I can’t stand by and let someone bully you, cut you down, just because they have some twisted superiority complex. Just because someone is different doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy of others’ respect. She was different, socially awkward, and odd, but she was a person. A sweet girl who didn’t deserve for others to look down on her, tease her, or make fun of her and neither do you. Just think, if only one of those kids would’ve stepped up and said something, made a stand against their friends, this could’ve been avoided. But they did nothing. They just stood by and let it happen, which makes them all equally guilty. I won’t be that person. I can’t be.” He shakes his head back and forth in disgust.
    All of the pieces of the puzzle that are Jace Collins begin to fall into place for me. I’ve been so conflicted by his kindness. I’m not sure why he just now noticed how horrible those girls always are to me, but I understand why he feels so strongly about it. Seeing me physically hurt probably brought it all to the surface for him.
    I want to ask him a million questions, but I don’t because I know how badly I’d hate for someone to pick me apart if I was in his shoes. Why people do the things they do, or act the way they act, almost never lies on the surface. It’s always hidden behind fears, anxiety, or a lack of understanding.
    I know for me it’s unknown. I have no idea why I feel the way I do, or why I think the way I think. It’s the biggest part of the problem for me. Sometimes I feel that if I had a real reason, I could find a solution.
    Jace had a traumatic event occur in his life that has matured him faster than most people our age. He had to deal with a tragedy that most could never imagine. It makes my problems feel so very small, insignificant. Okay, so my Mom drinks, and my Dad acts as if I don’t exist, but I’ve never had to face what Jace has had to face.
    It makes me all the more at odds with my emotions and daily bouts of depression and anxiety. My mood swings of highs and lows, the desperation for acceptance and love; the feelings are so extreme, so strong within my mind that I literally feel like I am on auto-pilot at least half the time, without any control over my emotions at all. The rest of the time, I am completely shut down and numb.
    That’s why I cut. I control that pain, own it. I can start it or stop it on my own terms. The thoughts that reel through my mind daily like a bad show rerun never stop; they replay day after day. It’s a constant struggle, one that I really have no explanation for. That’s what frustrates me the most—I seriously doubt that having absentee parents could cause such deep-seated pain in a person. Who knows? I’m not a psychiatrist or anything. Maybe I need one of those, although the thought of divulging the deepest, darkest parts of me to anyone scares the hell out of me.
    “I’m so sorry that happened to your sister, to your family, but you can’t blame yourself.”
    I try to stay calm and fight back my tears over his loss.
    “It wasn’t you that chased her. You didn’t do this, those bullying kids did.” I try to relieve some of his guilt, though I’m pretty sure that’s easier said than done. Even so, I have to say something and this is what I feel strongest about. He needs to know he didn’t do anything wrong. I know my words probably give him little comfort, but I want him to know I’m here for him.
    “I know. I spent hours in therapy learning how to say ‘It’s not