cheeks were flushed and Courtney could only describe his look as freshly emptied. She’d seen the look in bed more times than she could count. There were plenty of times in the last few months when she’d seen the look several times in one day. Beyond his freshly emptied look, Brad had also showered. Maybe he wanted to scrub himself clean after slipping out of the house early that morning — without a note — but maybe he wanted to clean the guilt and evidence from his body.
Courtney sat beside Brad on the plane, wondering what he had done in between the time she hung up with him, and when she saw him running toward the gate — wondering if she was right in her suspicions.
She hated that Brad might be lying to her, but more than that she hoped he was OK. If he was cheating on her, as much she loathed to believe that he was, it wasn’t exactly his fault, and she didn’t really blame him. What bothered her most was that he felt like he couldn’t be honest with her, probably because he was afraid of what she would do. Truth was, the only thing she would do was stay by his side until the two of them figured things out.
Courtney wanted to trust him, but gun to head she was sure he was back to cheating. She’d felt it for a few days, almost like a switch had been flicked from OFF to ON. At first his sudden distance seemed more emotional than physical, like he wasn’t all there while the two of them were making love — or dancing in the sheets, doing the deed, dipping the wick, plugging the hole, poking the whiskers, probing the membrane, or any of the other idiot things Brad called it. She could tell when he was truly with her and when he wasn’t. The last couple of days, it seemed like he wasn’t, and if she were being honest with herself, which wasn’t always easy to do, Courtney would bet every cent in her 401K that he’d found a coed to fuck at Saint Ursula.
He just seemed guilty, making his little jokes and acting coy, not answering any question outright — she assumed because he didn’t want to lie — and using humor to navigate through them. Courtney didn’t want to accuse him of anything, not until she knew for certain, and even then it would only be so they could figure out what to do next. Maybe she could finally get him to reach out to Division.
Despite her certainty, Courtney had to be careful, because there was a chance she was wrong, and if she was, then accused him anyway, she could be doing tremendous damage to a relationship they’d been working so hard to build together.
She continued to watch him as he slept. He seemed so peaceful, as if all the things that bothered him when his eyes were open faded to vapor when they weren’t. He looked almost like a different man. The face of the man almost snoring in the seat beside her would probably tell her everything. That was the Brad she loved most. The other Brad was OK, bending the truth like a bitch over the back of the sofa. If she knew the other Brad, and years as partners and one as a couple said that she did, then he swung by a strip club — probably Pole Position — before coming to the airport.
That she could get over, the lies were much harder.
Courtney’s emotional brain was injured, damaged even, but her logical brain had a voice, too, and it loudly declared that Brad had little if any choice. Men were prisoners to impulse already, add in the Red Breath that physically altered the molecules in her man’s blood, and she couldn’t very well hold him accountable for his behavior, at least not any more than she could blame him for going bald if he were in the middle of chemo.
Courtney’s face twitched into a smile as she looked over at Brad and noticed his cock twitching in his pants. She almost laughed. She had no idea what he was like before the Red Breath since the two of them only got together after Willow Monroe, but Brad admitted that his dick was definitely much bigger than it had been before. When he
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