Read Online The World Outside by Eva Wiseman - Free Book Online Page B

but before I could stop myself, I blurted out: “More than anything.”
    That opened the floodgates, and I told David everything. How much I loved music. How happy singing made me feel. How I wanted others to hear me sing and to feel the same happiness I felt. And then, to my shame, I began to cry.
    He listened without interrupting me, then fished a Kleenex out of his pocket and gave it to me. He waited until I’d wiped my eyes.
    “You should take voice lessons. You have an incredible gift,” he said seriously.
    “What do you mean?”
    He moved closer. “Just what I said. You should have lessons to help your voice reach its full potential.”
    “Girls like me don’t study singing. I’ve never even heard of anybody who did.”
    “But—”
    “You don’t understand, David.” I crumpled up the tissue and shoved it in my pocket. “The Rebbe says that we should dedicate ourselves to religious studies. That we shouldn’t waste our time on secular pursuits. And I must do what the Rebbe asks of me. He knows what’s best for me. For all of us.” I lowered my voice. “Mama and Papa believe that he might be the Messiah.”
    “What about you, Chanie? Do you think Rabbi Schneerson is the Messiah?”
    I wanted to be honest with him, even though it felt like a betrayal. “I’ve never thought much about it. He could be, I suppose.”
    His eyes widened. “Do you really believe that?”
    “I don’t know, David. And that’s the truth.” I surprised myself by beginning to cry again. “I should be happy devoting myself to Hashem! Why isn’t that enough for me? It’s enough for everybody else.”
    He handed me another tissue. “You don’t know that. Nobody knows what’s in another person’s heart. God gave you your gift. It’s your duty to use it.”
    Could David be right?
What he said made sense. But then I remembered Mama’s scowl whenever she heardme sing. And I knew Papa always went along with whatever she wanted.
    “Even if what you say is true, my parents will never allow me to study singing.”
    “Why not?”
    “Because it’s not the Torah or the Tanya.”
    “You’ll just have to convince them somehow to let you take voice lessons.”
    I shook my head. “I know them. They’ll say that studying singing is a waste of my time.”
    “So apply for a scholarship. Juilliard gives out scholarships. You could get one. You’re good enough.”
    “Juilliard?”
    He laughed. “I can’t believe you live in New York! Juilliard is the best music school in the whole country, and it’s only a subway ride away.”
    A woman glanced at us curiously as she passed our bench. I began to breathe easier when I saw that she was a stranger. But then Moishe started to wail.
    “He must be hungry,” I said as I jumped up. “I have to take him home. I didn’t realize it was getting so late.”
    “You go first. I’ll wait a few minutes before leaving.” David stood too. “Think about what I said, though. Let’s talk more about it.”
    “I can’t.”
    “Yes, you can, and you should. I’ll meet you hereat the same time next Sunday. I want to know what you decide.”
    “I can’t come,” I repeated, pushing Moishe’s wheelchair away from him as fast as I could.
    “I’ll be here, Chanie—next Sunday at four o’clock!” he cried after me. “Don’t forget!”
    And I didn’t. I couldn’t get him out of my mind. I fought the Evil Inclination with all my might, but I was constantly defeated by the memory of his blue eyes and his sweet smile. I tossed and turned at night, replaying his every word. Was it possible for me to get a scholarship to this music school he talked about? I kept turning the idea over and over in my head, telling myself that this could never happen. But the more I did this, the more I began to hope that my dream could become reality.
    The next Sunday afternoon, I told Mama that I had to go to Devorah Leah’s house to help her with our math assignment.
    “Why so close to dinner?” she