Read Online The Woman of Rome by Alberto Moravia - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Alberto Moravia
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Gino won’t marry you, and he’ll ditch you.”
“He won’t. He said he’d marry me.”
“He won’t marry you — he’ll have some fun with you, but he won’t give you even a pin, penniless as he is, and then he’ll leave you.”
“Is that what you’re glad about?”
“Of course! Because now I’m quite sure you won’t marry each other.”
“But what does it matter to you?” I exclaimed, hurt and irritated.
“If he wanted to marry you, he wouldn’t have made love to you,” she said suddenly. “I was engaged to your father for two years, and until a few months before we were married, he only gave me a kiss or two — he’ll have a good time with you and then ditch you, you can count on it! And I’m glad he’ll leave you, because if he married you, you’d be ruined.”
I could not help admitting to myself that some of the things Mother was saying were true, and my eyes filled with tears.
“I know what it is,” I said. “You don’t ever want me to have a family; you’d rather see me begin to lead a life like Angelina’s!”Angelina was a girl in our neighborhood who had openly begun to be a prostitute after two or three broken engagements.
“I want you to be comfortably off,” she replied gruffly. And when she had picked up the plates, she took them into the kitchen to wash them up. When I was alone, I began to think over her words at some length. I compared them with Gino’s promises and behavior, and I did not feel that Mother could possibly be right. But her certainty, her calm, the cheerful way in which she looked ahead, disquieted me. Meanwhile she was washing up the plates in the kitchen. Then I heard her put them on the dresser and go into her bedroom. After a while I went to join her in bed, feeling tired and dispirited.
Next day I wondered whether I ought to mention Mother’s doubts to Gino; but after much hesitation I decided not to. The truth of the matter was, I was so afraid that Gino would leave me, as Mother had insinuated, that I dared not mention her opinion to him in case I put the idea into his head. For the first time I realized that by giving herself to a man, a woman places herself in his hands and no longer has any means of forcing him to behave as she wishes. But I was still convinced that Gino would keep his promise, and his behavior, as soon as I met him, strengthened me in this conviction.
Certainly I was looking forward to his many attentions and caresses, but I was afraid he would not mention marriage or would only speak of it in a general way. Instead, as soon as the car stopped in the usual avenue, Gino told me he had fixed the date for the wedding in five months’ time, not a day longer. I was so delighted that I could not help bursting out, as though Mother’s ideas had been my own, “Do you know what I thought? I thought that after what happened yesterday, you would leave me.”
“What the … !” he said with an offended look. “Do you take me for a brute?”
“No, but I know lots of men act like that.”
“You know,” he continued, without noticing my reply, “I could have been offended by what you thought about me? What idea do you thave of me? Is this how you love me?”
“I do love you,” I said ingenuously. “But I was afraid you wouldn’t love me anymore.”
“Have I shown you in any way so far that I don’t love you?”
“No — but you never know.”
“Look,” he said suddenly, “you’ve put me into such a bad mood that I’m going to take you straight to the studio.” And he made as if to start the car up at once.
Terrified, I threw my arms round his neck and begged him not to. “No, Gino, what’s come over you? I was only talking — forget it.” I pleaded.
“When you say such things, it means you think them — and if you think them, it means you aren’t in love.”
“But I do love you.”
“I don’t love you, though!” he said sarcastically. “I’ve only been playing with you, as you say, with
“He won’t. He said he’d marry me.”
“He won’t marry you — he’ll have some fun with you, but he won’t give you even a pin, penniless as he is, and then he’ll leave you.”
“Is that what you’re glad about?”
“Of course! Because now I’m quite sure you won’t marry each other.”
“But what does it matter to you?” I exclaimed, hurt and irritated.
“If he wanted to marry you, he wouldn’t have made love to you,” she said suddenly. “I was engaged to your father for two years, and until a few months before we were married, he only gave me a kiss or two — he’ll have a good time with you and then ditch you, you can count on it! And I’m glad he’ll leave you, because if he married you, you’d be ruined.”
I could not help admitting to myself that some of the things Mother was saying were true, and my eyes filled with tears.
“I know what it is,” I said. “You don’t ever want me to have a family; you’d rather see me begin to lead a life like Angelina’s!”Angelina was a girl in our neighborhood who had openly begun to be a prostitute after two or three broken engagements.
“I want you to be comfortably off,” she replied gruffly. And when she had picked up the plates, she took them into the kitchen to wash them up. When I was alone, I began to think over her words at some length. I compared them with Gino’s promises and behavior, and I did not feel that Mother could possibly be right. But her certainty, her calm, the cheerful way in which she looked ahead, disquieted me. Meanwhile she was washing up the plates in the kitchen. Then I heard her put them on the dresser and go into her bedroom. After a while I went to join her in bed, feeling tired and dispirited.
Next day I wondered whether I ought to mention Mother’s doubts to Gino; but after much hesitation I decided not to. The truth of the matter was, I was so afraid that Gino would leave me, as Mother had insinuated, that I dared not mention her opinion to him in case I put the idea into his head. For the first time I realized that by giving herself to a man, a woman places herself in his hands and no longer has any means of forcing him to behave as she wishes. But I was still convinced that Gino would keep his promise, and his behavior, as soon as I met him, strengthened me in this conviction.
Certainly I was looking forward to his many attentions and caresses, but I was afraid he would not mention marriage or would only speak of it in a general way. Instead, as soon as the car stopped in the usual avenue, Gino told me he had fixed the date for the wedding in five months’ time, not a day longer. I was so delighted that I could not help bursting out, as though Mother’s ideas had been my own, “Do you know what I thought? I thought that after what happened yesterday, you would leave me.”
“What the … !” he said with an offended look. “Do you take me for a brute?”
“No, but I know lots of men act like that.”
“You know,” he continued, without noticing my reply, “I could have been offended by what you thought about me? What idea do you thave of me? Is this how you love me?”
“I do love you,” I said ingenuously. “But I was afraid you wouldn’t love me anymore.”
“Have I shown you in any way so far that I don’t love you?”
“No — but you never know.”
“Look,” he said suddenly, “you’ve put me into such a bad mood that I’m going to take you straight to the studio.” And he made as if to start the car up at once.
Terrified, I threw my arms round his neck and begged him not to. “No, Gino, what’s come over you? I was only talking — forget it.” I pleaded.
“When you say such things, it means you think them — and if you think them, it means you aren’t in love.”
“But I do love you.”
“I don’t love you, though!” he said sarcastically. “I’ve only been playing with you, as you say, with
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