Read Online The Weight of Shadows by Alison Strobel - Free Book Online Page A

bright eyes and perma-smile that their relationship had given her were gone. This was who she really was. And when Rick found out, he would be gone.
    “I’m so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid ,” she muttered, the words hissed through clenched teeth. Her sins scrolled like film credits through her mind, reminding her of reality. She should have known better than to think anyone’s love could change who she really was.
    Kim sat on the edge of her bed, fists clenched on her knees, head bowed by the weight of guilt and anger that were stronger than they had ever been. And now they were compounded by fear—fear of losing Rick, fear of her secret being discovered. Her stomach roiled, her chest squeezed. You’re going to lose it all. Rick, security, peace—all of it, gone. She felt like she was suffocating, like she would explode. She didn’t know what to do. She needed a release, to let out the pressure of her self-loathing before she went crazy.
    Her eyes landed on her desk and the paring knife she’d used to slice an apple the night before. She snatched it up and swiped it across her fingers before she could think about it.
    It was like slashing a tire. The intensity of her emotions slowly deflated as blood welled up from the cuts. She panted, drawing ragged breaths as though she’d run a mile. And over it all, sweet relief.
    She sank onto the bed again, hand open and trembling in front of her, and stared at the wounds. The buzz in her head dissipated until all she heard was her own breathing and the birds singing in the May morning sunshine. It was a miracle. Why hadn’t she done this before? After all these years she had a way to ease her pain.
    Though now she had a new problem. Her fingers were bloody, the sting was intensifying, and she had to be at work in half an hour. How was she going to do hair with her hand like this?
    Knowing her own medicine cabinet was empty of bandages, she ran to Corrie’s bathroom and discovered three boxes of them in various sizes. She pulled four from the standard-size box and fumbled them out of their paper packaging. Once they were all in place, she brought the wrappers to her own bathroom trash can, then went to the kitchen to fix breakfast.
    Sitting calmly and eating her bowl of cornflakes just seemed wrong. Everything felt surreal, like she’d woken up in an alternate universe. Her hand pulsed with each heartbeat, the dull pain re minding her of her transgression. What will I tell everyone? And how am I going to wash hair? She concocted a story to explain her injury as she ate and resigned herself to asking one of the other girls to do the shampooing for her clients.
    When she arrived at the salon a little before ten, she saw a vase of roses on the table. A small white envelope was propped against it, her named scrawled in purple pen. She opened the envelope and slid out the small card that read, “Happy anniversary to my Kim. See you tonight. Love, Rick.” She pocketed the card and fingered one of the rose’s velvety pink petals. I don’t deserve him.
    “What’s the occasion?” Rumiko asked as she passed by. “I saw the delivery guy drop them off.”
    “Our three-month anniversary.” She smiled a little. “He’s so sweet.”
    “Wow, three months already? You in it for the long haul, you think?”
    “I don’t know. But I don’t want to jinx it by even thinking about where it might go, or how long it will last. I’m just going to enjoy it while—”
    Rumiko grasped Kim’s wrist. “Kim, your fingers! What did you do?”
    Kim made a noise of irritation, gently pulling her hand away and curling her fingers in to hide the bloody bandages. “I’m such an idiot. I fumbled a knife and grabbed the blade instead of the handle when it was falling.”
    Rumiko tsked. “You poor thing. You alright?”
    “Yeah, it’s fine, not even that deep.”
    “Well that’s good.”
    Kim took one more sniff of the roses. “I need to get my station in order. See you