should have trusted her own instincts when Lady Dearing had tried to convince her to take part in this masquerade. She should have known better than to think she had the looks or the skill to lure Julian into dalliance.
She caught herself on another sob. Why was she being so foolish? Perhaps she was just tired, and a little overwrought from the pent-up strain of trying to play such a foreign role.
Perhaps it was the thought of what she’d have to do tomorrow.
She’d have to ask Julian to release her from their bargain.
A hot tear spilled out onto her cheek. Julian would be very angry. She dreaded that, of course. However, he would eventually forgive her. And wouldn’t it be worth bearing his anger, to keep him from ruining his life?
Another tear rolled down, and another, and another. What was wrong with her, that she couldn’t hold them back? She couldn’t stop thinking of Julian, of how he had looked as he pulled away from her, blurting out polite apologies. Not wanting her.
But she had wanted him . It was mad, it was ludicrous, but when he’d finally taken her in his arms, her heart had leaped inside her. She’d forgotten her scheme entirely in anticipation of her first real kiss. Then he’d pulled away.
Her tears stilled suddenly. As the truth finally dawned on her, she drew her cloak around her against a sudden chill that had nothing to do with the warm June night.
She knew now why she had been so apprehensive about marrying Julian, and why she’d felt so restless and confused for the past few months. In her heart she had feared she would fall in love with him, and now it had happened. The devil of it was that there was nothing she could do to make him love her back.
Chapter Seven
Harry’s heart was heavy the next morning, as she made her way back home from Nurse’s cottage. Lady Dearing’s coach had left her off there at about three o’clock. Luckily, Nurse’s sight was not what it once was, so she hadn’t noticed that Harry’s eyes were red-rimmed from crying during the long coach ride. Nurse had just cheerfully insisted on undressing her and tucking her into Nurse’s own bed. This morning, she had helped Harry wash and dry her hair and dress in clothes Harry had left there to change into after the ball.
In her old dress and bonnet, Harry knew she looked quite her dowdy, spinsterish self again. She suspected Cinderella had felt just the same way the day after the ball. Except that Harry knew her prince was coming to see her, and that she was going to refuse his suit for all time.
Today, she would ask Julian to cancel the wager. With any luck, he would be so angry that he would stay away long enough for her to learn to hide her feelings from him.
She resolutely mastered the impulse to cry again. It would not do to behave like a watering-pot when Julian arrived, or he might suspect her secret. She could at least keep her pride intact.
The path from Nurse’s cottage took her through a small wood and ended at the grounds behind her father’s house. Harry sighed. The house seemed comforting, quiet and sleepy in the mellow morning sunshine. She could see Aunt Claudia sitting in the garden, but decided against joining her. It would be best if she spent a little time alone, rehearsing what she would say to Julian.
Under cover of several large rhododendron bushes, she passed by her aunt and entered the house by a back entrance. Safely in her room, she sat down at her dressing-table to remove her hat. Her dejection gave way to shock when she looked in the mirror.
Botheration! Streaks of black still showed clearly against her soft brown locks. Nurse’s eyes being what they were, she kept no mirror, so neither of them had noticed that they hadn’t done a thorough job washing out the dye.
Harry stared at her reflection for a few dazed seconds, then slapped the bonnet back onto her head. Just in time, for at that moment, Martha, the maid who waited on both her and Aunt Claudia, entered the
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