Read Online The Wedding Gift by Kathleen McKenna - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Kathleen McKenna
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people who are
doing the drinking do, if you can believe it? And now me and
Leeann, we have to go write us a paper about it, and I don’t know,
but it seems to me we should be sober when we do it, don’t you
think so, Leeann? ”
Oh, that’s my Jessie! Her
mama looked fit to spit nails and I was having such a hard time
holding back my laughs that I thought I might have already peed a
little, and I needed to save it all up for the test because I
didn’t want to mess it up and make Jessie go and have to steal
another one for me.
After we got upstairs to
the bathroom and I shoved down my jeans to pee and Jessie stood
guard, I asked why she always had to go after her mama like that,
but when she answered me I knew I should have just kept
quiet.
Jessie said in a real hard
voice “ Oh fuck her and the horse she rode
in on. ”
See, that was Jessie too;
she could be real hard if you crossed her, and both me and Mark
knew when it was good for us to shut up, so that's what I
did.
It was real hard to pee
with Jessie standing there glaring at me like the deadly wrath of
God, but I managed it, and then, just for fun, I chased her out of
the bathroom and into her bedroom waving my pee stick at her. She
hollered at me and threatened to punch out all my teeth, and then
we sat on the edge of her bed and waited for three minutes which,
let me tell you, can seem like three days if you are anxious, which
I purely was, I don’t have to tell you.
It didn’t even take three
whole minutes, though That old line turned my favorite color
lavender, and then Pepto Bismol pink, and there was no way to see
it any different.
Of course then, when I
needed Jessie to be mean and funny to snap me out of my shock, well
instead she got real quiet, the contrary thing, and sat there
looking at me like we had found out I had cancer and two days to
live or something. I smiled at her a little to start us
talking.
“ Well hey, Jess, I guess
you’ll be Auntie Jessie now, huh? So if it turns pink, does that
mean a girl, you think? You know, I guess if it is a girl, I’ll
call her Jessie Lavender after you and my favorite color; what d'ya
think? ”
Oh that got her started all
right.
“ Leeann, I swear to God,
that you are the stupidest bitch to ever fall off the turnip wagon.
Honest to God, you are dumber than a box of hair. How in the name
of anything could you let that fat, ugly-ass old man make you
pregnant? ”
Well I was real relieved to
see Jessie snapped back to herself like this, but I was a little
mad too, ‘cause George is not fat. To be strictly honest, I could
see a day where not too far in the future that might well be the
situation, but right now he was just stocky, and twenty seven is
not old … it's just older.
So I told Jessie as much,
but she just shrugged like she didn’t care and said
“ Whatever..Hell, Leeann, what are we gonna
do now? ”
I have to tell you that
just her saying “ we ” relieved me so much that I threw my head into her lap and
started bawling like I was my niece, Tallulah, with a skinned knee,
and, Jessie, she can be so good - she just patted my head and told
me we would figure it out, and that “ Hell,
yeah, we would figure it out right this second of the
day. ”
I always worried when
Jessie said “ Hell, yeah ”, as it usually meant doing something crazy, like letting the
llamas from the agricultural farm into someone’s house for fun. And
that time was no exception. She made me call George right then on
his cell phone and tell him to meet us both behind the Piggly
Wiggly Supermarket right quick.
The Piggly was about the
only place in Dalton where you could talk to anyone right in town
without a fear of being disturbed. See, Sandy Jacobs, who is our
friend Britney’s dad, he ran the Piggly Wiggly store in town, and
he had got into a terrible fight a year previously with Lurton
Smits, the local garbage man. And because of that heated
disagreement, now Lurton would not pick up garbage from
doing the drinking do, if you can believe it? And now me and
Leeann, we have to go write us a paper about it, and I don’t know,
but it seems to me we should be sober when we do it, don’t you
think so, Leeann? ”
Oh, that’s my Jessie! Her
mama looked fit to spit nails and I was having such a hard time
holding back my laughs that I thought I might have already peed a
little, and I needed to save it all up for the test because I
didn’t want to mess it up and make Jessie go and have to steal
another one for me.
After we got upstairs to
the bathroom and I shoved down my jeans to pee and Jessie stood
guard, I asked why she always had to go after her mama like that,
but when she answered me I knew I should have just kept
quiet.
Jessie said in a real hard
voice “ Oh fuck her and the horse she rode
in on. ”
See, that was Jessie too;
she could be real hard if you crossed her, and both me and Mark
knew when it was good for us to shut up, so that's what I
did.
It was real hard to pee
with Jessie standing there glaring at me like the deadly wrath of
God, but I managed it, and then, just for fun, I chased her out of
the bathroom and into her bedroom waving my pee stick at her. She
hollered at me and threatened to punch out all my teeth, and then
we sat on the edge of her bed and waited for three minutes which,
let me tell you, can seem like three days if you are anxious, which
I purely was, I don’t have to tell you.
It didn’t even take three
whole minutes, though That old line turned my favorite color
lavender, and then Pepto Bismol pink, and there was no way to see
it any different.
Of course then, when I
needed Jessie to be mean and funny to snap me out of my shock, well
instead she got real quiet, the contrary thing, and sat there
looking at me like we had found out I had cancer and two days to
live or something. I smiled at her a little to start us
talking.
“ Well hey, Jess, I guess
you’ll be Auntie Jessie now, huh? So if it turns pink, does that
mean a girl, you think? You know, I guess if it is a girl, I’ll
call her Jessie Lavender after you and my favorite color; what d'ya
think? ”
Oh that got her started all
right.
“ Leeann, I swear to God,
that you are the stupidest bitch to ever fall off the turnip wagon.
Honest to God, you are dumber than a box of hair. How in the name
of anything could you let that fat, ugly-ass old man make you
pregnant? ”
Well I was real relieved to
see Jessie snapped back to herself like this, but I was a little
mad too, ‘cause George is not fat. To be strictly honest, I could
see a day where not too far in the future that might well be the
situation, but right now he was just stocky, and twenty seven is
not old … it's just older.
So I told Jessie as much,
but she just shrugged like she didn’t care and said
“ Whatever..Hell, Leeann, what are we gonna
do now? ”
I have to tell you that
just her saying “ we ” relieved me so much that I threw my head into her lap and
started bawling like I was my niece, Tallulah, with a skinned knee,
and, Jessie, she can be so good - she just patted my head and told
me we would figure it out, and that “ Hell,
yeah, we would figure it out right this second of the
day. ”
I always worried when
Jessie said “ Hell, yeah ”, as it usually meant doing something crazy, like letting the
llamas from the agricultural farm into someone’s house for fun. And
that time was no exception. She made me call George right then on
his cell phone and tell him to meet us both behind the Piggly
Wiggly Supermarket right quick.
The Piggly was about the
only place in Dalton where you could talk to anyone right in town
without a fear of being disturbed. See, Sandy Jacobs, who is our
friend Britney’s dad, he ran the Piggly Wiggly store in town, and
he had got into a terrible fight a year previously with Lurton
Smits, the local garbage man. And because of that heated
disagreement, now Lurton would not pick up garbage from
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