she just said.
She’s pregnant. Well that changes things. I don’t move or say
anything as Nina gets up off my lap and moves towards the door.
“It’s mine?” I say as she reaches for the
door handle.
“Yea. It’s yours.” She says as she walks out
of the room closing the door behind her. What the fuck do I do with
this? How am I supposed to react to this news? I can’t have a kid.
I'm a fucking monster. As I'm sitting there pulling at my own hair
the door flies open and Bradon comes in.
“What the hell is going on? Nina just ran out
of here crying.” Bradon says as he looks over at me. I shake my
head and keep pulling at my hair. This can’t be happening. I just
set myself up to die and now she is telling me I'm going to have a
kid.
“She’s pregnant Bra.” I say and I can’t even
believe that was my voice that said it. Bradon blows out a breath
and runs his hand through his hair. Yea that is exactly what I'm
thinking.
“Ok. Well that’s not so bad. I mean
congratulations man.” He says as I cut my eyes at him.
“Have you lost your fucking mind? Did you
fucking just congratulate me? I have a plan in place Bradon where I
more than likely won’t be coming back and you say that shit to me?
I'm a fucking MONSTER! I can’t be a father.” I snap and I know I'm
yelling as I look up I notice Nina is in the doorway and she looks
sick. She turns to walk off again when I stand up and rush towards
her before she can make it back down the hall. I grab her and spin
her around to face me.
“You didn’t plan on coming back anyways?” She
says as she cries.
“No I didn’t. I know what I'm up against. I
wanted to come back but god damn it Nina I don’t know how to be
what you need me to be. You know what I am. I can’t fuck up some
kid the way my dad did me.” I say as I hold her face in my
hand.
“You can do anything you want Cadence. You
can be who you want. It’s ok that you don’t want me or this.” She
says as tears fall from her eyes. God damn it why am I so fucked
up? I drop my hands as she walks away and I spin around punching a
hole in the wall. Jeremy rolls down the hallway looking at me.
“Sorry I’ll pay for it.” I say as he looks at
the hole and shakes his head.
“Take a walk with me.” He says as I cut my
eyes to him. “Ok you walk I'm rolling.” HE says smiling as I shake
my head and follow him out the front door.
“Look man. I heard what’s going on. Let me
just say this and then I won’t say another word to you. When I left
I was engaged. Mel was pregnant when I left. You were there and you
know how messed up it was over there. I came back and was a
complete fuck up. I ruined what we had man for my own stupid
issues. She left and I haven’t seen or heard from her since then.
She took my kid and left Cad. Don’t ruin your life because you
don’t think you can do it or deserve it because you can and you
do.” He says as we stay right in front of the door. He’s right. I
made it through hell so why shouldn’t I get the chance to be happy?
But there will always be that doubt in my head as to it I can do
it.
“Thanks Jeremy.” I say as he nods and I walk
around the back where Nina ran off to. I see her sitting out on a
swing in the yard as I walk over and sit next to her.
“I don’t know what to say. I want to be happy
but I don’t know if that is in my future. I never thought that fair
ahead. I am willing to try but that is the best I can do right now.
My head is a complete fuck up and for the first time in my life I
can admit that I'm fucking scared to death to love you.” I say as
she turns to look at me.
“You love me?” She says as I nod.
“I have never felt this for anyone Nina. You
make me challenge myself in ways I didn’t know were possible. You
weakened the hardest part of me. My heart.” I say as she tears up
again. I reach over and pull her to me.
“I promise I will come back.” I whisper as I
kiss her head. This is a moment I want to hold
She’s pregnant. Well that changes things. I don’t move or say
anything as Nina gets up off my lap and moves towards the door.
“It’s mine?” I say as she reaches for the
door handle.
“Yea. It’s yours.” She says as she walks out
of the room closing the door behind her. What the fuck do I do with
this? How am I supposed to react to this news? I can’t have a kid.
I'm a fucking monster. As I'm sitting there pulling at my own hair
the door flies open and Bradon comes in.
“What the hell is going on? Nina just ran out
of here crying.” Bradon says as he looks over at me. I shake my
head and keep pulling at my hair. This can’t be happening. I just
set myself up to die and now she is telling me I'm going to have a
kid.
“She’s pregnant Bra.” I say and I can’t even
believe that was my voice that said it. Bradon blows out a breath
and runs his hand through his hair. Yea that is exactly what I'm
thinking.
“Ok. Well that’s not so bad. I mean
congratulations man.” He says as I cut my eyes at him.
“Have you lost your fucking mind? Did you
fucking just congratulate me? I have a plan in place Bradon where I
more than likely won’t be coming back and you say that shit to me?
I'm a fucking MONSTER! I can’t be a father.” I snap and I know I'm
yelling as I look up I notice Nina is in the doorway and she looks
sick. She turns to walk off again when I stand up and rush towards
her before she can make it back down the hall. I grab her and spin
her around to face me.
“You didn’t plan on coming back anyways?” She
says as she cries.
“No I didn’t. I know what I'm up against. I
wanted to come back but god damn it Nina I don’t know how to be
what you need me to be. You know what I am. I can’t fuck up some
kid the way my dad did me.” I say as I hold her face in my
hand.
“You can do anything you want Cadence. You
can be who you want. It’s ok that you don’t want me or this.” She
says as tears fall from her eyes. God damn it why am I so fucked
up? I drop my hands as she walks away and I spin around punching a
hole in the wall. Jeremy rolls down the hallway looking at me.
“Sorry I’ll pay for it.” I say as he looks at
the hole and shakes his head.
“Take a walk with me.” He says as I cut my
eyes to him. “Ok you walk I'm rolling.” HE says smiling as I shake
my head and follow him out the front door.
“Look man. I heard what’s going on. Let me
just say this and then I won’t say another word to you. When I left
I was engaged. Mel was pregnant when I left. You were there and you
know how messed up it was over there. I came back and was a
complete fuck up. I ruined what we had man for my own stupid
issues. She left and I haven’t seen or heard from her since then.
She took my kid and left Cad. Don’t ruin your life because you
don’t think you can do it or deserve it because you can and you
do.” He says as we stay right in front of the door. He’s right. I
made it through hell so why shouldn’t I get the chance to be happy?
But there will always be that doubt in my head as to it I can do
it.
“Thanks Jeremy.” I say as he nods and I walk
around the back where Nina ran off to. I see her sitting out on a
swing in the yard as I walk over and sit next to her.
“I don’t know what to say. I want to be happy
but I don’t know if that is in my future. I never thought that fair
ahead. I am willing to try but that is the best I can do right now.
My head is a complete fuck up and for the first time in my life I
can admit that I'm fucking scared to death to love you.” I say as
she turns to look at me.
“You love me?” She says as I nod.
“I have never felt this for anyone Nina. You
make me challenge myself in ways I didn’t know were possible. You
weakened the hardest part of me. My heart.” I say as she tears up
again. I reach over and pull her to me.
“I promise I will come back.” I whisper as I
kiss her head. This is a moment I want to hold
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