of her in that
way. But then, it was also hard to think of her in any other
way.
She had expected little or nothing of
him. It’s just that she was nice to everybody, no matter how
ignorant, or obnoxious. Somehow she remained untainted by the
bitterness that he saw all around. She was the only one he’d ever
met in a place like this who didn’t spew out their story pretty
much on first acquaintance.
Some of the other males were downright
grabby. There were one or two of them in here right now. He
wondered how she’d fared. But he was here and they were still in
check somehow.
He wanted to be better than
that.
He did not want to be like
them.
He wanted to get Rene out of
there.
“ So what do you say? Come
on, it’ll be nice. We’ll get away from this stinkin’ crowd, at
least for a little while.”
“ Jeez, I don’t know,
Ben—”
He stepped in closer, putting his head
down and butting the top of her head with his forehead.
He held her lightly by the
elbows.
She snickered, hands up on his chest
but not pushing him away.
He took her arms, one at a time, and
put them around himself. She didn’t tear herself away. He swayed
from side to side at the hips, humming a little tune, feeling the
warmth of her against him. He watched that lovely face from above.
She just didn’t know what to do, maybe. She was all too suggestible
and he feared for her for just that reason. He feared for his own
soul at times like this. They had necked a bit, once or twice, and
then Rene got real shy. She avoided him for a day or two and then
Rene had reluctantly allowed him in closer again. He was taking
that one step at a time. He didn’t want her fear—that was the worst
thing. It was the worst sort of man as well. Looming large above
her, he hugged her as gently as possible. He lifted her chin. He
stared into those nervous eyes, and just nodded.
She licked her lips and looked deathly
frightened. Yet she couldn’t tear herself away. She was completely
passive. That’s one of the things he found really scary about Rene.
She was too uninvolved in her own surroundings, and in her own
fate.
All she had to do was to tell him to
go away, and he would go away. He hoped she understood
that.
“ Look, I can’t help it. I
like you, Rene.” It was like laying a big guilt trip on
her.
As soon as he realized it, he shut
up.
He was being unfair.
If only she liked him. For some reason
he didn’t know—wasn’t sure.
He could never be sure.
She was in the habit of leaving it all
up to others, and the problem was that he liked her too much to
take it on those terms.
Ben thought she must have
been a victim at some point. She might have been a victim many
times, and yet it didn’t seem to define her in any way. She never
referred to it—she was just gone, somehow.
There was always the future—there was
always hope.
Ben knew a thing or two about
hope.
“ Oh, Rene.” He kissed the
bridge of her nose, as her eyes darted back and forth.
“ Oh, Rene …Earth calling Rene…”
She giggled, arms dropping away, and
he stepped back. He held her at arm’s length. Finally she found the
courage to say what was on her mind. Slowly she was opening up to
him—he could see that, but it was slow and painful and had to be in
little wee baby steps.
“ But where, Ben?” He
couldn’t get out and she probably didn’t have any money.
He’d never really considered that
before, but it was a side issue anyway.
Ben was in an open ward of four males.
They couldn’t go there very well.
Rene had put two and two
together.
“ Old Missus Beck next
door…” She looked up, searching his eyes. “That scrawny old man on
the other side…he’s always watching me.”
He likes you, Rene. He’s
bored stiff and he has no life of his own and you’re the most
wonderful thing in this whole miserable place.
You couldn’t really say that, could you? So
much better for everyone to live in a state of permanent
denial.
Too many of them had no
way. But then, it was also hard to think of her in any other
way.
She had expected little or nothing of
him. It’s just that she was nice to everybody, no matter how
ignorant, or obnoxious. Somehow she remained untainted by the
bitterness that he saw all around. She was the only one he’d ever
met in a place like this who didn’t spew out their story pretty
much on first acquaintance.
Some of the other males were downright
grabby. There were one or two of them in here right now. He
wondered how she’d fared. But he was here and they were still in
check somehow.
He wanted to be better than
that.
He did not want to be like
them.
He wanted to get Rene out of
there.
“ So what do you say? Come
on, it’ll be nice. We’ll get away from this stinkin’ crowd, at
least for a little while.”
“ Jeez, I don’t know,
Ben—”
He stepped in closer, putting his head
down and butting the top of her head with his forehead.
He held her lightly by the
elbows.
She snickered, hands up on his chest
but not pushing him away.
He took her arms, one at a time, and
put them around himself. She didn’t tear herself away. He swayed
from side to side at the hips, humming a little tune, feeling the
warmth of her against him. He watched that lovely face from above.
She just didn’t know what to do, maybe. She was all too suggestible
and he feared for her for just that reason. He feared for his own
soul at times like this. They had necked a bit, once or twice, and
then Rene got real shy. She avoided him for a day or two and then
Rene had reluctantly allowed him in closer again. He was taking
that one step at a time. He didn’t want her fear—that was the worst
thing. It was the worst sort of man as well. Looming large above
her, he hugged her as gently as possible. He lifted her chin. He
stared into those nervous eyes, and just nodded.
She licked her lips and looked deathly
frightened. Yet she couldn’t tear herself away. She was completely
passive. That’s one of the things he found really scary about Rene.
She was too uninvolved in her own surroundings, and in her own
fate.
All she had to do was to tell him to
go away, and he would go away. He hoped she understood
that.
“ Look, I can’t help it. I
like you, Rene.” It was like laying a big guilt trip on
her.
As soon as he realized it, he shut
up.
He was being unfair.
If only she liked him. For some reason
he didn’t know—wasn’t sure.
He could never be sure.
She was in the habit of leaving it all
up to others, and the problem was that he liked her too much to
take it on those terms.
Ben thought she must have
been a victim at some point. She might have been a victim many
times, and yet it didn’t seem to define her in any way. She never
referred to it—she was just gone, somehow.
There was always the future—there was
always hope.
Ben knew a thing or two about
hope.
“ Oh, Rene.” He kissed the
bridge of her nose, as her eyes darted back and forth.
“ Oh, Rene …Earth calling Rene…”
She giggled, arms dropping away, and
he stepped back. He held her at arm’s length. Finally she found the
courage to say what was on her mind. Slowly she was opening up to
him—he could see that, but it was slow and painful and had to be in
little wee baby steps.
“ But where, Ben?” He
couldn’t get out and she probably didn’t have any money.
He’d never really considered that
before, but it was a side issue anyway.
Ben was in an open ward of four males.
They couldn’t go there very well.
Rene had put two and two
together.
“ Old Missus Beck next
door…” She looked up, searching his eyes. “That scrawny old man on
the other side…he’s always watching me.”
He likes you, Rene. He’s
bored stiff and he has no life of his own and you’re the most
wonderful thing in this whole miserable place.
You couldn’t really say that, could you? So
much better for everyone to live in a state of permanent
denial.
Too many of them had no
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