Read Online The War with Grandpa by Robert Kimmel Smith - Free Book Online Page B

was right by my desk. The only thing was, it was empty. My books were missing.
    Inside the knapsack was another stupid joke. “Books inside luggage in storage room down the hall.”
    I ran like crazy to the room where we stored the luggage. Grandpa was so devilish, I wanted to hit him on the head with a suitcase. He had put one book in each of the pieces of luggage,so I had to unzip every one of them to get back all my books.
    I stuffed my books into the knapsack, then ran downstairs to the coat closet. I grabbed my jacket, threw it on, and dashed out the door.
    It's six blocks from my house to school. I ran until I was out of breath, then walked as fast as I could. As I rounded the corner near school I could see that the schoolyard was empty. Which meant that all the classes were going upstairs to their rooms already.
    I ran across the schoolyard, and just as I got to the entrance door I remembered something. I had forgotten my lunch.
    I ran upstairs and got to my class just as Mr. Pangalos, my homeroom teacher, was calling the roll. I was so out of breath that when he called my name I could barely say “Here,” Steve looked across at me and asked why I was so late.
    “You wouldn't believe it if I told you,” I said.

THE LAST STRATEGY CONFERENCE
    We were eating lunch at our usual table in the lunchroom. Wait a minute, that's not exactly right. Billy and Steve were eating lunch. I was
begging
lunch.
    I got half an apple from Steve. Billy had a liverwurst sandwich, which he said he hated, so he gave me half of it. I hated it too. We both ate the bread and left the liverwurst. Steve said he would give me half of his milk to drink.“The second half,” he said. Luckily, a nice kid named Nathaniel Robbins gave me a peanut butter cookie.
    I had told the boys about my terrible morning and they laughed like crazy.“Stealing your shoelaces,” Steve said, “that was a masterstroke.”
    “It was a rotten trick,” I said.
    “I like how he put each book in a differentsuitcase,” Billy said, and he began laughing again.
    “Wait a minute,” I said,“whose side are you on anyway?” I took a sip of the second half of Steve's milk, which was warm and hateful. One sip was enough.
    We walked outside to the schoolyard and sat down on the steps in the sun.
    “You're going to get your grandpa back for this,” Steve said.
    “Indubitably,” I said, which was one of Steve's words.
    “Not something simple, I hope,” said Steve. “I think this calls for massive retaliation.”
    “It won't be something simple,” I said.
    “You've got to really get him this time,” Billy said.
    “Get him how?” I asked.
    “I don't know,” Billy said. “Paint his hair maybe?”
    I wasn't even listening to Billy. Because I had already decided what I would do. It was something I had thought about doing before this, but it seemed too awful. But after what Grandpa had done to me, it seemed all right now.
    “Look, guys,” I said. “I know what I'm goingto do. It's terrible and I probably shouldn't do it. But I'm going to. And I'll tell you one other thing. If it doesn't work, I'm going to surrender.”
    “You can't!” Billy said.
    “Oh, yes, I can,” I said. “I'll learn to live in my stupid room. I won't like it, but I'll do it. Or else Grandpa will get me back in a more terrible way I don't even want to think about.”
    “You're chicken,” Billy said.
    “And you're right,” I said. “I think I figured something out. War isn't such fun after all.”

THE LAST ATTACK
    The first thing I had to do was make Grandpa worry. I couldn't forget how nervous—make that terrified—I was while waiting for Grandpa to drop the other shoe. Now I'd give him back some of his own medicine.
    I kept saying things to him like“How are you, Grandpa?” And he'd say fine. And then I'd say, “Just wait.”
    I also developed this little weird laugh:
“Heh-heh-heh.”
It sounded nutty even to me. So when I'd pass him on the stairs I'd turn around, look