Read Online The Wake (And What Jeremiah Did Next) by Colm Herron - Free Book Online Page B

spring-sprongs and sandwiches. I actually don’t know what they’d been at out in the scullery all that time unless it takes five women to make a pot of tea. Because every single salad sandwich had been prepared by me and it was me that bought the spring-sprongs in Strains. Bonding probably, that’s what women do isn’t it? Strange mysterious people, I’ll never understand them. Hurrying me to tighten the bonds and her still wet from the shower that time and the halter neck plastered to her skin and the deep dark hollows underneath, mother of God, and the Flower Duet playing above the beating, louder than her squeals even.
    And then followed the most revolting five minutes I’ve ever spent in Mammy’s company. “Och sure you’ll take another sandwich will you not Seamus? You will surely. And how are your ones all doing anyway? That’s great. How’s your mother keeping, Margie? Isn’t that great now. She went through a bad time there for a while didn’t she? God knows you never know what’s round the corner. Sure look at Maud. Will you not have a coconut cream Mister Braddock? Jeremiah got them fresh down in Strain’s this evening there. Och go on would you, have one. And how’re you keeping, Jim? That’s the nicest wee girl you have. Sure I saw her at the First Communions last May there. Shirley Temple I says to Maud, the spit of Shirley Temple in that picture she was in, Dimples wasn’t it? Are you taking tea Jeremiah? Are you sure it won’t keep you from sleeping now? Jeremiah usually doesn’t drink tea at night for fear it’ll. All right, if you want, son. It’s light enough anyway.”
    “We were just talking about America there Missus Coffey,” said Margie. “Do you think they’d ever put a good word in for us with Westminister? The Catholics I mean.”
    Mammy didn’t understand the question. “How do you mean? Here Nellie, you wouldn’t take this pot of tea and cake into the front room would you? Give Maeve that plate of biscuits, sure she’ll carry that, won’t you, Maeve? Can yeez manage now? What way are you talking about, Margie? I don’t exactly follow you.”
    “Naw, it’s just we were on about America there and I was thinking they might be able to influence England you know to give us equal rights here.”
    Mammy’s face darkened. “The first thing I’d like to see is that gang of hooligans off the streets. Sure they’re destroying the town so they are. I’ve a nephew a Jesuit priest out in America and he’s coming here next week with his sister a nun in charge of a big school in New York and his niece going on to be a doctor. They’re all coming and God knows what they’re going to think.”
    “But they love the Irish don’t they?” persisted Margie. “And there’s millions of Irish out there would support us.”
    “Do you really think so?” said Mammy. “When they see on the TV what that crowd down the town’s doing I don’t think they’d support anything so I don’t. Honest to God I don’t.”
    “I know one thing,” said Seamus. “The American women would fall over themselves to get an Irishman even if he’d two heads on him. That’s a fact.”
    Mammy looked gravely at him. “I don’t know where you heard that from now Seamus.”
    “Aw it’s true,” said Jim. “Sure I read about this Yankee widow woman was on a cruise round the Cape of Good Hope one time and she got to talking to this shifty looking wee Corkman was on his own and she says to him
Why did you decide to come on the cruise then?
And he says to her
Well the fact is ma’am I’m on the run. Escaped from prison there last week.
And she says
Oh really? And what were you in prison for if you don’t mind me asking?
And he says
I killed me wife with a hatchet so I did and I sent the pieces in a parcel to her mother.
And she says
Oh, so you’re single then.”
    Everybody laughed except me and Mammy, me because I needed to be careful about making sudden movements on account of both my head