our family without breaking the silence weâve sworn to keep. I canât tell the truth but I can tell a plausible lie, and I do have a separate savings account with enough money in it to build a shelter.
So I babbled at Jerry while I was peeling potatoes: âA meteor shower. Something extraordinary. Iâm going to build us a shelter, Jer.â
âNell, I keep telling you, if youâd just put your trust inâ¦â
âShh,â I said, mock angry. âIâm not going to ask God to protect us when weâre able to protect ourselves. When you started getting religious, we agreed not to fight about it. You can pray away all the meteorites in the universe and I wonât mind a bit, but Iâm going to build us a shelter.â
When the two of us met and courted and married, we were fellow scientists. We stayed fellow scientists for five or six years, but sometime along in there, back maybe four or five years, Jerry gave up on science. I honestly donât know whether he got religion first and gave up science out of religious conviction, or his career disappointment made him use religion as an excuse. Back then I was gaining a respectable reputation as a solid, workaday hack, who had made severalsmall discoveries and who had added some to the knowledge store of the human race by slogging away at it. That was fine by me. Iâve never had any huge aspirations; I just like astronomy.
Jerry, however, hasâ¦had big ambitions. The Nobel Prize, at least. Or some cosmological theorem named after him. He didnât like slogging, preferring innovative and highly flamboyant theorizing on the basis of very little, all of which tended to raise the hackles both of his colleagues who played by the rules and of the big names in cosmology who had totally invested themselves in other points of view. Iâve always known Jerry was egocentric, but he kept his ego mostly under wraps at home. Also, he hasâ¦had a lovely dry humor and I thought we were okay. I was busy, and I liked my work. He was busy teaching and writing and doing what cosmologists do, causing an occasional flurry but becoming no more an immortal in his field than I am in mine.
Being an immortal doesnât matter to me. If one looks out into the universe and perceives what true immortality would mean in terms of time and space, it takes monstrous hubris to even conceive of personal immortality, much less desire it. However, once Jerry turned religious it became clear that Jerry really wanted to be immortal, one way or the other, and if science wouldnât do it for him, religion might.
Personal beliefs are unarguable, even if the other side has all the facts. Jerry wasnât interested in facts, so we didnât discuss his belief in a near future apocalypse. I just went ahead and had the shelter built: reinforced concrete, buried under twelve feet of dirt with an escape hatch. I ordered dehydrated food enough for a year. In a separate pit thereâs a fuel tank for lanterns and stove, tied in with flexible connector lines, disconnected until time of use. Thereâs an air filtration system run by pumping a bicycle and a water tank on heavy springs that can sway any which way without breaking. Also, in a survivalist catalogue I found a sort of hollow pipe with a folding windmill inside that can be pushed up into the wind and connected to a generator. Thereare bunks for four: one for Michy, whoâs five, and one for Tony, whoâs three, one for Jerry, one for Nell.
During the construction, Jerry went around with his above-it-all smile firmly fixed on his face. His actions were as affectionate and sweet toward me as always, though they didnât feel right. The only actual criticism I got was a kind of teasing: âThe wrath of God Almighty approaches, and she wants to build a shelter?â
Keeping the evasions to a minimum, I usually said something like, âAs a parent, it makes me feel better to have
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