Read Online The UnTied Kingdom by Kate Johnson - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Kate Johnson
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,’ she read bitterly.
‘Ah, yes? Me, I don’t know a lot about the history of your country,’ Lucille said, totally missing the malapropism. ‘Perhaps to the last fifty, or sixty years.’
‘Yes,’ said Eve, flipping towards the end of the book, ‘sixty years including the Third Civil War, the secession of Scotland and Wales from the United Kingdom – to which no part of Ireland ever belonged, apparently – oh yes, and the World War, the only World War, no numbers, which we lost .’
Lucille was nodding politely. ‘Yes. The French Empire, it was too strong. And with the Americans also … I think no one expected for Germany to win.’
‘Germany didn’t win,’ Eve said. ‘ We did, but Germany didn’t . We were fighting against Germany. We didn’t ally ourselves with the … the …’ she glanced at the book, ‘the Austro-Hungarian Empire!’
‘ Oui ?’ said Lucille nervously.
‘And look at this.’ Eve stabbed the page. ‘In 1914, absolutely nothing happened.’
‘Uh,’ Lucille said.
‘No! No, something did, but not here. You want to know what?’ Eve dragged over another book, this one larger, proclaiming itself to be a history of the Austro-Hungarian Empire in the twentieth century. ‘Because look. Here. In 1914, Archduke Ferdinand was assassinated …’
Lucille was nodding as if this all made perfect sense to her.
‘… and his capable wife Sophie stepped into his place , ruling the Empire and bringing about a period of peace and prosperity that lasted until the rise of Hitler, who we supported– ’
She broke off, because fear had come into Lucille’s eyes. And she couldn’t blame her. She was ranting like a crazy person.
In the last three days she’d started to believe she might be a crazy person.
‘None of this makes sense,’ she said, calming her voice. ‘I’m living in a blasted typo. There’s all this stuff … there was never an empire. Not a British Empire. No … no Colonial India, or America, or Australia – it’s all French! It all belongs to the damn French!’
‘Yes, this is so,’ Lucille said, starting to back away.
‘Apart from America, which they – wait, I’ve got it here–’ she grabbed a shiny book about the New World, ‘which the French investigated in the eighteenth century, because of the tales about seafarers going there and not returning, but they decided it was just marsh because they’d sailed up the Mississippi Delta, and ignored it. And no one knew there were people in America until an experimental Japanese flight sailed over buildings in Hawaii! I mean – how did anyone learn to fly? Have you ever heard of the Wright Brothers?’
Lucille looked at her with a worried expression. ‘I do not think so. Are they English?’
‘No, they’re American.’ She felt like sobbing.
‘Wright,’ Lucille said thoughtfully. ‘It does not sound American to me. Perhaps they are émigré ?’
Eve’s fingers clutched the book tightly. ‘Who invented flying, Lucille? Modern aviation? The biplane, powered flight?’
If she says the Wright Brothers I’ll know I’m sane. It’s just a practical joke. A really, really big practical joke.
‘Ah, it was the Frenchman Robert Esnault-Pelterie,’ Lucille said. ‘He founded the Fédération Aéronautique Internationale, yes? My father, he is an engineer for the–’
‘But how did no one know America existed?’ Eve yelled. ‘I’ve heard of Isolationism but this is ridiculous!’
‘Yes,’ Lucille said, smiling. ‘It is the thing unimaginable! A nation complete with the aeroplanes and the television … can you imagine how it is not to know what television is?’
‘ What, you mean like every single person in this country ?’ Eve snapped.
‘Uh, perhaps I should be fetching someone,’ Lucille said, taking another step backwards.
‘Well, unless it’s Doctor Who then I can’t see them being any use.’ Eve closed the books all on top of each other, and looked up at Lucille.
‘Ah, yes? Me, I don’t know a lot about the history of your country,’ Lucille said, totally missing the malapropism. ‘Perhaps to the last fifty, or sixty years.’
‘Yes,’ said Eve, flipping towards the end of the book, ‘sixty years including the Third Civil War, the secession of Scotland and Wales from the United Kingdom – to which no part of Ireland ever belonged, apparently – oh yes, and the World War, the only World War, no numbers, which we lost .’
Lucille was nodding politely. ‘Yes. The French Empire, it was too strong. And with the Americans also … I think no one expected for Germany to win.’
‘Germany didn’t win,’ Eve said. ‘ We did, but Germany didn’t . We were fighting against Germany. We didn’t ally ourselves with the … the …’ she glanced at the book, ‘the Austro-Hungarian Empire!’
‘ Oui ?’ said Lucille nervously.
‘And look at this.’ Eve stabbed the page. ‘In 1914, absolutely nothing happened.’
‘Uh,’ Lucille said.
‘No! No, something did, but not here. You want to know what?’ Eve dragged over another book, this one larger, proclaiming itself to be a history of the Austro-Hungarian Empire in the twentieth century. ‘Because look. Here. In 1914, Archduke Ferdinand was assassinated …’
Lucille was nodding as if this all made perfect sense to her.
‘… and his capable wife Sophie stepped into his place , ruling the Empire and bringing about a period of peace and prosperity that lasted until the rise of Hitler, who we supported– ’
She broke off, because fear had come into Lucille’s eyes. And she couldn’t blame her. She was ranting like a crazy person.
In the last three days she’d started to believe she might be a crazy person.
‘None of this makes sense,’ she said, calming her voice. ‘I’m living in a blasted typo. There’s all this stuff … there was never an empire. Not a British Empire. No … no Colonial India, or America, or Australia – it’s all French! It all belongs to the damn French!’
‘Yes, this is so,’ Lucille said, starting to back away.
‘Apart from America, which they – wait, I’ve got it here–’ she grabbed a shiny book about the New World, ‘which the French investigated in the eighteenth century, because of the tales about seafarers going there and not returning, but they decided it was just marsh because they’d sailed up the Mississippi Delta, and ignored it. And no one knew there were people in America until an experimental Japanese flight sailed over buildings in Hawaii! I mean – how did anyone learn to fly? Have you ever heard of the Wright Brothers?’
Lucille looked at her with a worried expression. ‘I do not think so. Are they English?’
‘No, they’re American.’ She felt like sobbing.
‘Wright,’ Lucille said thoughtfully. ‘It does not sound American to me. Perhaps they are émigré ?’
Eve’s fingers clutched the book tightly. ‘Who invented flying, Lucille? Modern aviation? The biplane, powered flight?’
If she says the Wright Brothers I’ll know I’m sane. It’s just a practical joke. A really, really big practical joke.
‘Ah, it was the Frenchman Robert Esnault-Pelterie,’ Lucille said. ‘He founded the Fédération Aéronautique Internationale, yes? My father, he is an engineer for the–’
‘But how did no one know America existed?’ Eve yelled. ‘I’ve heard of Isolationism but this is ridiculous!’
‘Yes,’ Lucille said, smiling. ‘It is the thing unimaginable! A nation complete with the aeroplanes and the television … can you imagine how it is not to know what television is?’
‘ What, you mean like every single person in this country ?’ Eve snapped.
‘Uh, perhaps I should be fetching someone,’ Lucille said, taking another step backwards.
‘Well, unless it’s Doctor Who then I can’t see them being any use.’ Eve closed the books all on top of each other, and looked up at Lucille.
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