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Authors: Cathy McAllister
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beads of sweat appeared on my forehead.
“Shh! Shh! Shh!” he said. “Don’t you now try to talk yourself out of this. You want to know? – You want to know what it’s like to play with the beast?”
Before I could respond with anything he pressed his mouth against mine. His kiss was hard – punitive. Quite different from the way I had imagined kissing to be. Nothing about this man was gentle. I felt helpless and fragile. I had no strength left to defend myself and so I fell against him. A hand had moved onto my breasts and it slipped inside my dress. I convulsed as he twisted my nipple. The pain shot like lightening through my body and caused a tingling heat in my sex.
‘Oh God, what am I doing! Stop! No! No! That can’t be …’
He suddenly pushed me away from him; I staggered and fell to the ground. With tears in my eyes I stared at him. My heart felt as if it was about to stop beating and I felt sick. I could hear my blood pulsating through me. Confused, I tried to grasp what had happened. Why did he do that? First he kissed me, and then he pushed me away.
“Run!” he snarled, threateningly. “Run, if your virtue is important to you, otherwise you’ll lose it very soon.”
Shocked and shaking I gathered myself up and hurried away, covered in tears. Blindly I staggered through the night. My heart was beating as if it would burst and I found it hard to breath. Nevertheless I ran on without faltering. I felt humiliated and hurt. But what was worse was that I was completely ready to give myself over to him. His brutal embrace had released something inside my body that I did not understand. I felt horribly wretched.
Breathing heavily I sat down beneath a tree and leant against the trunk. I kept on trying to work out what had just happened. Why had I even gone to his waggon? What had driven me to do that? Was it really as he had said? – Did I want to challenge the beast? I had gained an idea as to what that meant, and on the one hand it frightened me, but on the other hand it aroused me. With that in mind I put a finger to my lips. They felt swollen and were still burning a little from his rough stubble. I vigorously wiped my mouth with my hand, as if I could thus rub away his kiss. From now on I would stay away from this scoundrel. Decisively I stood up and hurried on.
Chapter 9
9 th July 1888
T he Sinti summer camp lay in a blooming meadow by a winding stream. I had now been with the travellers for more than a week, and although most people kept out of my way, I felt happy. It was the freedom that fascinated me and the carefreeness. On the camp everyone seemed to do as they wished: now that no distance needed to be covered each person arranged his daily routine as he pleased. I had occupied myself during the last few days helping Grandmother Aneta. Together we gathered herbs, prepared ointments and tinctures, and stole wild honey from the bees. I liked these tasks and I learnt eagerly which herb helped with gout and which one reduced a fever. In this way I was also distracting myself from thinking about Ivo. Since our night time confrontation I had, to my relief, not seen him. He was abiding by his father’s decree and keeping away from the camp. I also made sure that I did not go near the area in which his waggon stood. Nothing in the world could make me want another confrontation with him. However, I could not help my thoughts wandering to him when I was not occupied, nor him slipping into my dreams at night.
Sergio continued to make a great deal of effort as my suitor. He brought me flowers and little gifts, showed me the area and talked to me about the clan and its way of life. I was fascinated by it all. I began to envy these people their free life. They had no grand houses or estates, but they also had less to lose. Their home was always with them and their land was everywhere and nowhere.
In contrast, how oppressive my own responsibility seemed to me. Certainly, I loved Blue Hall with
“Shh! Shh! Shh!” he said. “Don’t you now try to talk yourself out of this. You want to know? – You want to know what it’s like to play with the beast?”
Before I could respond with anything he pressed his mouth against mine. His kiss was hard – punitive. Quite different from the way I had imagined kissing to be. Nothing about this man was gentle. I felt helpless and fragile. I had no strength left to defend myself and so I fell against him. A hand had moved onto my breasts and it slipped inside my dress. I convulsed as he twisted my nipple. The pain shot like lightening through my body and caused a tingling heat in my sex.
‘Oh God, what am I doing! Stop! No! No! That can’t be …’
He suddenly pushed me away from him; I staggered and fell to the ground. With tears in my eyes I stared at him. My heart felt as if it was about to stop beating and I felt sick. I could hear my blood pulsating through me. Confused, I tried to grasp what had happened. Why did he do that? First he kissed me, and then he pushed me away.
“Run!” he snarled, threateningly. “Run, if your virtue is important to you, otherwise you’ll lose it very soon.”
Shocked and shaking I gathered myself up and hurried away, covered in tears. Blindly I staggered through the night. My heart was beating as if it would burst and I found it hard to breath. Nevertheless I ran on without faltering. I felt humiliated and hurt. But what was worse was that I was completely ready to give myself over to him. His brutal embrace had released something inside my body that I did not understand. I felt horribly wretched.
Breathing heavily I sat down beneath a tree and leant against the trunk. I kept on trying to work out what had just happened. Why had I even gone to his waggon? What had driven me to do that? Was it really as he had said? – Did I want to challenge the beast? I had gained an idea as to what that meant, and on the one hand it frightened me, but on the other hand it aroused me. With that in mind I put a finger to my lips. They felt swollen and were still burning a little from his rough stubble. I vigorously wiped my mouth with my hand, as if I could thus rub away his kiss. From now on I would stay away from this scoundrel. Decisively I stood up and hurried on.
Chapter 9
9 th July 1888
T he Sinti summer camp lay in a blooming meadow by a winding stream. I had now been with the travellers for more than a week, and although most people kept out of my way, I felt happy. It was the freedom that fascinated me and the carefreeness. On the camp everyone seemed to do as they wished: now that no distance needed to be covered each person arranged his daily routine as he pleased. I had occupied myself during the last few days helping Grandmother Aneta. Together we gathered herbs, prepared ointments and tinctures, and stole wild honey from the bees. I liked these tasks and I learnt eagerly which herb helped with gout and which one reduced a fever. In this way I was also distracting myself from thinking about Ivo. Since our night time confrontation I had, to my relief, not seen him. He was abiding by his father’s decree and keeping away from the camp. I also made sure that I did not go near the area in which his waggon stood. Nothing in the world could make me want another confrontation with him. However, I could not help my thoughts wandering to him when I was not occupied, nor him slipping into my dreams at night.
Sergio continued to make a great deal of effort as my suitor. He brought me flowers and little gifts, showed me the area and talked to me about the clan and its way of life. I was fascinated by it all. I began to envy these people their free life. They had no grand houses or estates, but they also had less to lose. Their home was always with them and their land was everywhere and nowhere.
In contrast, how oppressive my own responsibility seemed to me. Certainly, I loved Blue Hall with
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