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Authors: Sophie Kinsella
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you
come from... a big setup? One of the biggest inLondon .
Trish and Eddie are darting glances at each other. They really are the oddest people.
Well, were far more relaxed, youll be glad to hear! Trish pushes open a door. This is the master
bedroom... the second bedroom...
As we walk down the corridor she opens and closes doors and shows me four-poster beds and
swishy curtains and matching upholstered ottomans, until my head swims. I dont know if its
too much floral wallpaper or whatever was in those migraine pillsbut Im feeling more
lightheaded by the minute.
The green bedroom... As you will know, we dont have children or pets... Are you a smoker?
Trish suddenly demands.
Urn... no. Thanks.
Not that we mind either way.
We descend a small flight of stairs and I grab on to the wall to keep myself steady.
Are you all right? Eddie catches my arm.
I think those tablets were a bit strong... I mumble.
They can be. Trish gives me a considering look. You havent drunk any alcohol today, have you?
Er... well, yes...
Aaah. She pulls a face. Well, maybe you should have alittle rest before you leave. What a
good thing weve come tothe staff accommodation! She opens the last door with a flourish.
All the rooms in this house are huge. This one is about the size of my flat, with pale
walls and stone mullioned windows overlooking the garden. It has the plainest bed Ive seen
yet inthis house, vast and square and made up with crisp white bed linen.
I fight a sudden, almost overwhelming urge to lie down on it and sink into oblivion. Lovely, I say politely. Its... a gorgeous room. Good! Eddie smacks
his hands together. Well, Samantha . Id say youve got the job! I look at him dumbly.
Job?
Eddie! snaps Trish. You cant just offer her the job ! We havent finished the interview!
Interview?
We havent even given her a full job description! Trish is still laying into Eddie. We
havent been through any of the details!
Well, go through the details, then! retorts Eddie. Trish shoots him a look of fury and
clears her throat.
So, Samantha, she says in formal tones. Your role as full- time housekeeper will comprise
Im sorry?
Trish clicks her tongue in exasperation. Your role as full-time housekeeper, she says,
more slowly, will comprise all cleaning, laundry, and cooking. You will wear a uniform and
maintain a courteous and respectful...
My role as
These people think Im applying to be their housekeeper ?
Im too dumbfounded to speak.
... full board and lodging, Trish is saying, and four weeks holiday a year.
Whats the salary? says Eddie with interest. Are we paying her more than the last girl?
I think Trish might murder him, there and then.
Im so sorry, Samantha! Before I can even open my mouth shes dragged Eddie out of the room
and banged the door, whereupon a furious, muted argument breaks out.
I look around the room, trying to gather my wits.
They think Im a housekeeper. A housekeeper! This is ridiculous. I have to put them right.
I have to explain the misunderstanding.
Another wave of wooziness engulfs me and I sit down on the bed. Then, before I can stop
myself, I lie back on the cool white cover and close my eyes. Its like sinking into a
cloud. Its been a long day. A long, exhausting, painful nightmare of a day. I just want it
to be over.
Samantha, Im sorry about that. I open my eyes and struggle up to see Trish coming back in,
followed by a pink-faced Eddie. Before we continue, did you have any
questions about the post?
I stare back at her, my head swirling. This is the moment where I have to explain theres
been a big mistake. That Im not a housekeeper, Im a lawyer.
But... nothing comes out of my mouth. I could stay here one night, flashes through my
brain. Just one night. I could sort out the
misunderstanding tomorrow . Um... would it be possible to start tonight? I hear myself saying. I dont see why not
begins Eddie.
Lets not jump ahead of
come from... a big setup? One of the biggest inLondon .
Trish and Eddie are darting glances at each other. They really are the oddest people.
Well, were far more relaxed, youll be glad to hear! Trish pushes open a door. This is the master
bedroom... the second bedroom...
As we walk down the corridor she opens and closes doors and shows me four-poster beds and
swishy curtains and matching upholstered ottomans, until my head swims. I dont know if its
too much floral wallpaper or whatever was in those migraine pillsbut Im feeling more
lightheaded by the minute.
The green bedroom... As you will know, we dont have children or pets... Are you a smoker?
Trish suddenly demands.
Urn... no. Thanks.
Not that we mind either way.
We descend a small flight of stairs and I grab on to the wall to keep myself steady.
Are you all right? Eddie catches my arm.
I think those tablets were a bit strong... I mumble.
They can be. Trish gives me a considering look. You havent drunk any alcohol today, have you?
Er... well, yes...
Aaah. She pulls a face. Well, maybe you should have alittle rest before you leave. What a
good thing weve come tothe staff accommodation! She opens the last door with a flourish.
All the rooms in this house are huge. This one is about the size of my flat, with pale
walls and stone mullioned windows overlooking the garden. It has the plainest bed Ive seen
yet inthis house, vast and square and made up with crisp white bed linen.
I fight a sudden, almost overwhelming urge to lie down on it and sink into oblivion. Lovely, I say politely. Its... a gorgeous room. Good! Eddie smacks
his hands together. Well, Samantha . Id say youve got the job! I look at him dumbly.
Job?
Eddie! snaps Trish. You cant just offer her the job ! We havent finished the interview!
Interview?
We havent even given her a full job description! Trish is still laying into Eddie. We
havent been through any of the details!
Well, go through the details, then! retorts Eddie. Trish shoots him a look of fury and
clears her throat.
So, Samantha, she says in formal tones. Your role as full- time housekeeper will comprise
Im sorry?
Trish clicks her tongue in exasperation. Your role as full-time housekeeper, she says,
more slowly, will comprise all cleaning, laundry, and cooking. You will wear a uniform and
maintain a courteous and respectful...
My role as
These people think Im applying to be their housekeeper ?
Im too dumbfounded to speak.
... full board and lodging, Trish is saying, and four weeks holiday a year.
Whats the salary? says Eddie with interest. Are we paying her more than the last girl?
I think Trish might murder him, there and then.
Im so sorry, Samantha! Before I can even open my mouth shes dragged Eddie out of the room
and banged the door, whereupon a furious, muted argument breaks out.
I look around the room, trying to gather my wits.
They think Im a housekeeper. A housekeeper! This is ridiculous. I have to put them right.
I have to explain the misunderstanding.
Another wave of wooziness engulfs me and I sit down on the bed. Then, before I can stop
myself, I lie back on the cool white cover and close my eyes. Its like sinking into a
cloud. Its been a long day. A long, exhausting, painful nightmare of a day. I just want it
to be over.
Samantha, Im sorry about that. I open my eyes and struggle up to see Trish coming back in,
followed by a pink-faced Eddie. Before we continue, did you have any
questions about the post?
I stare back at her, my head swirling. This is the moment where I have to explain theres
been a big mistake. That Im not a housekeeper, Im a lawyer.
But... nothing comes out of my mouth. I could stay here one night, flashes through my
brain. Just one night. I could sort out the
misunderstanding tomorrow . Um... would it be possible to start tonight? I hear myself saying. I dont see why not
begins Eddie.
Lets not jump ahead of
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