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Authors: Shelley Shepard Gray
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Lord.
A deep sadness and a sense of loss filled her as she recalled how empty she’d felt when she’d been in the middle of her chemotherapy treatments. For a time, she’d felt completely alone in her pain. Not even Lucy’s careful considerations had alleviated Mattie’s feeling of dark isolation.
Yes, for a few terrible months, she’d thought she was not only going to lose her life to cancer, but her faith, too.
And then something changed. Maybe it was finally coming to realize just how difficult Lucy’s life had been before her husband’s death. The reality of her friend’s pain and layers of protectiveness that she wore like a suit of armor to protect herself from further pain had been eye opening, for sure. Little by little, Lucy’s complete faith had inspired Mattie.
After all, Lucy firmly believed that the Lord had held her hand during all her trials. That though she’d lived through two years of abuse and pain, she would have suffered through so much more if she’d had to survive alone.
So Mattie had opened her heart. The experience Loyal had with Ella in the fall had only cemented Mattie’s faith. Surely God had been present when Ella had been in the buggy accident, held hostage by her former “best” friend. Perhaps He was always with them . . . even when things weren’t wonderful.
“Mattie, how long are you going to be staring at those bare trees?”
Startled, she turned from her contemplation of the trees to the one man who she knew she could always depend on. “Not much longer,” she replied with a smile. “They were keeping me company until you got here.”
The wide brim of his felt hat shielded his eyes as he approached, making it difficult to see his expression. But though she couldn’t quite make out his smile, she listened for the usual teasing lilt in his tone.
When he paused, she was afraid it would be absent as well. “How goes it with you today?”
“About the same,” Graham replied.
She hurried to his side. “What is wrong?”
“You know. I’m practically suffocating under the community’s scorn about Jenna.”
“Perhaps you should speak to Jenna again,” she said gently. “Perhaps she’ll be able to explain things?”
“If I thought it would make me feel better, I would. But I’m still so mad at her, I don’t think I’d listen to anything she had to say.” Reaching out, he picked up a dead branch and snapped it in two. “Do you think she’d even have anything to say?”
“I don’t know.” Clearing her throat, she said, “Graham, don’t be so down. The gossips will move on soon. They always do.”
“Not this time, I fear.” After staring out at the snow for another moment, Graham rubbed his chin. “Let’s talk about something else. Anything else.”
“What do you want to talk about?”
“Well, um . . . you saw William the other night, didn’t you?”
“I did.”
A muscle in his jaw tightened. “Did you enjoy your time with him?”
Remembering their awkward conversation, followed by the awkward way in which they left things, she shrugged. “It’s hard to say.”
“Why?”
“It was different, walking with him,” she tried to explain but knew she wasn’t being completely truthful. It had been different because William wasn’t Graham. “But perhaps just because it was new.”
“You don’t have to rush into anything with him, you know.”
“I’m not rushing.” Heaven knew she’d been alone for a long time.
Graham’s sour mood and snippy behavior was turning her mood, too. Plus she was getting cold, simply standing next to the trees with him. “Where should we go? Do you want to go to your house? Or would you rather go to my home?”
He hesitated. “I’d rather not go to either, if you don’t mind.” Looking at her mittens, he said, “If we continue to walk, will you be warm enough?”
Now the cold permeated her heart instead of only her bones and muscles. “I will be fine.”
“Let’s go this way,
A deep sadness and a sense of loss filled her as she recalled how empty she’d felt when she’d been in the middle of her chemotherapy treatments. For a time, she’d felt completely alone in her pain. Not even Lucy’s careful considerations had alleviated Mattie’s feeling of dark isolation.
Yes, for a few terrible months, she’d thought she was not only going to lose her life to cancer, but her faith, too.
And then something changed. Maybe it was finally coming to realize just how difficult Lucy’s life had been before her husband’s death. The reality of her friend’s pain and layers of protectiveness that she wore like a suit of armor to protect herself from further pain had been eye opening, for sure. Little by little, Lucy’s complete faith had inspired Mattie.
After all, Lucy firmly believed that the Lord had held her hand during all her trials. That though she’d lived through two years of abuse and pain, she would have suffered through so much more if she’d had to survive alone.
So Mattie had opened her heart. The experience Loyal had with Ella in the fall had only cemented Mattie’s faith. Surely God had been present when Ella had been in the buggy accident, held hostage by her former “best” friend. Perhaps He was always with them . . . even when things weren’t wonderful.
“Mattie, how long are you going to be staring at those bare trees?”
Startled, she turned from her contemplation of the trees to the one man who she knew she could always depend on. “Not much longer,” she replied with a smile. “They were keeping me company until you got here.”
The wide brim of his felt hat shielded his eyes as he approached, making it difficult to see his expression. But though she couldn’t quite make out his smile, she listened for the usual teasing lilt in his tone.
When he paused, she was afraid it would be absent as well. “How goes it with you today?”
“About the same,” Graham replied.
She hurried to his side. “What is wrong?”
“You know. I’m practically suffocating under the community’s scorn about Jenna.”
“Perhaps you should speak to Jenna again,” she said gently. “Perhaps she’ll be able to explain things?”
“If I thought it would make me feel better, I would. But I’m still so mad at her, I don’t think I’d listen to anything she had to say.” Reaching out, he picked up a dead branch and snapped it in two. “Do you think she’d even have anything to say?”
“I don’t know.” Clearing her throat, she said, “Graham, don’t be so down. The gossips will move on soon. They always do.”
“Not this time, I fear.” After staring out at the snow for another moment, Graham rubbed his chin. “Let’s talk about something else. Anything else.”
“What do you want to talk about?”
“Well, um . . . you saw William the other night, didn’t you?”
“I did.”
A muscle in his jaw tightened. “Did you enjoy your time with him?”
Remembering their awkward conversation, followed by the awkward way in which they left things, she shrugged. “It’s hard to say.”
“Why?”
“It was different, walking with him,” she tried to explain but knew she wasn’t being completely truthful. It had been different because William wasn’t Graham. “But perhaps just because it was new.”
“You don’t have to rush into anything with him, you know.”
“I’m not rushing.” Heaven knew she’d been alone for a long time.
Graham’s sour mood and snippy behavior was turning her mood, too. Plus she was getting cold, simply standing next to the trees with him. “Where should we go? Do you want to go to your house? Or would you rather go to my home?”
He hesitated. “I’d rather not go to either, if you don’t mind.” Looking at her mittens, he said, “If we continue to walk, will you be warm enough?”
Now the cold permeated her heart instead of only her bones and muscles. “I will be fine.”
“Let’s go this way,
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