Read Online The Summer House by Susan Mallery - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Susan Mallery
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saying the words made me feel weak, as if I was giving you the upper hand.”
She hadn’t known that, but the information didn’t surprise her. “I used sex to keep you in line and get what I wanted. When I didn’t, I withheld. Not myfinest hour.” She rested her elbows on her knees and her chin on her hands. “I wanted to feel that you were close to me emotionally, but all I could get was the physical.”
“I don’t know that I was capable of more. Not then.”
And now? But she didn’t ask that. Besides, she already knew the answer.
“More if onlys,” she said. “If only we’d been more grown-up. If only we’d talked. If only I hadn’t run back to my dad’s that last time and—”
She pressed her lips together to hold back the words. Not that there was any point. Rick already knew what had happened.
Embarrassment swept over her. She straightened and fought the urge to change the subject. Except they needed to talk about this—about the fact that Rick had fooled around with some woman but hadn’t gone all the way, while she’d slept with a stranger.
“Mandy, we don’t have to go there.”
“Why? It was significant.”
“Sure, but the marriage was already pretty much over.”
Amazing. After all this time, he was trying to spare her feelings. She didn’t know what that meant. Especially when she’d been the one to cheat.
“I was so angry,” she said, almost unable to stop herself from telling the truth, maybe for the first time ever. “After I saw you with that grad student, I was furious. I went to the airport and got on the first plane back to L.A. By the time I got to my dad’s it was nine or ten at night. I don’t remember. There was a party.” She swallowed. “Back then there was always a party.”
She could remember walking into his spacious Beverly Hills mansion. People spilled out of every room. Most of them were drunk, or on their way to being so. By then Mandy had calmed down enough to feel pain, as well as rage. It was as if someone had played handball with her heart. She hated Rick and longed for him in equal measures.
Her father had listened, held her and told her it would be okay. But then he’d been called away and someone had pressed a drink in her hand.
“I hadn’t eaten,” she said. “I’d spent the whole plane trip crying. The liquor hit me.” She shrugged. “That’s a pretty pitiful excuse.”
She’d been sitting alone in a corner when some up-and-coming young male star had found her. They’d talked for a while. She couldn’t remember about what. She could barely remember his name or what he’d looked like.
“He offered and I said yes. Because I wanted to hurt you.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “It was horrible. I’d never done anything like that before. Had sex with a stranger. It’s not the fun and happy good time it’s cracked up to be. You walked in on us the next morning.”
Rick’s expression turned haunted. Mandy ached for both of them. She could still remember the sun piercing her eyes as she wrestled with a hangover the size of Montana. She’d barely made it to the bathroom before throwing up. When she’d staggered back to her bed, she’d been stunned to find a guy in it.
All the memories of the previous night had crashed in on her. Then, before she could make sense of them, Rick had walked into her room. It had been the only time he hadn’t let her go.
No matter how long she lived, she would never forget the look on his face.
“I never said I was sorry,” she whispered. “I was, from the very first, and I still am. It was selfish and stupid and incredibly immature.”
He shrugged. “I knew why you’d done it. I’d caused you pain for so long.”
His excusing her behavior stunned her. “So it didn’t matter?”
His eyes darkened. “It mattered.”
“Oh, Rick. What a mess.”
He nodded. “I couldn’t be what you wanted, what you needed.”
“I had the same problem,” she admitted. “You wanted the
She hadn’t known that, but the information didn’t surprise her. “I used sex to keep you in line and get what I wanted. When I didn’t, I withheld. Not myfinest hour.” She rested her elbows on her knees and her chin on her hands. “I wanted to feel that you were close to me emotionally, but all I could get was the physical.”
“I don’t know that I was capable of more. Not then.”
And now? But she didn’t ask that. Besides, she already knew the answer.
“More if onlys,” she said. “If only we’d been more grown-up. If only we’d talked. If only I hadn’t run back to my dad’s that last time and—”
She pressed her lips together to hold back the words. Not that there was any point. Rick already knew what had happened.
Embarrassment swept over her. She straightened and fought the urge to change the subject. Except they needed to talk about this—about the fact that Rick had fooled around with some woman but hadn’t gone all the way, while she’d slept with a stranger.
“Mandy, we don’t have to go there.”
“Why? It was significant.”
“Sure, but the marriage was already pretty much over.”
Amazing. After all this time, he was trying to spare her feelings. She didn’t know what that meant. Especially when she’d been the one to cheat.
“I was so angry,” she said, almost unable to stop herself from telling the truth, maybe for the first time ever. “After I saw you with that grad student, I was furious. I went to the airport and got on the first plane back to L.A. By the time I got to my dad’s it was nine or ten at night. I don’t remember. There was a party.” She swallowed. “Back then there was always a party.”
She could remember walking into his spacious Beverly Hills mansion. People spilled out of every room. Most of them were drunk, or on their way to being so. By then Mandy had calmed down enough to feel pain, as well as rage. It was as if someone had played handball with her heart. She hated Rick and longed for him in equal measures.
Her father had listened, held her and told her it would be okay. But then he’d been called away and someone had pressed a drink in her hand.
“I hadn’t eaten,” she said. “I’d spent the whole plane trip crying. The liquor hit me.” She shrugged. “That’s a pretty pitiful excuse.”
She’d been sitting alone in a corner when some up-and-coming young male star had found her. They’d talked for a while. She couldn’t remember about what. She could barely remember his name or what he’d looked like.
“He offered and I said yes. Because I wanted to hurt you.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “It was horrible. I’d never done anything like that before. Had sex with a stranger. It’s not the fun and happy good time it’s cracked up to be. You walked in on us the next morning.”
Rick’s expression turned haunted. Mandy ached for both of them. She could still remember the sun piercing her eyes as she wrestled with a hangover the size of Montana. She’d barely made it to the bathroom before throwing up. When she’d staggered back to her bed, she’d been stunned to find a guy in it.
All the memories of the previous night had crashed in on her. Then, before she could make sense of them, Rick had walked into her room. It had been the only time he hadn’t let her go.
No matter how long she lived, she would never forget the look on his face.
“I never said I was sorry,” she whispered. “I was, from the very first, and I still am. It was selfish and stupid and incredibly immature.”
He shrugged. “I knew why you’d done it. I’d caused you pain for so long.”
His excusing her behavior stunned her. “So it didn’t matter?”
His eyes darkened. “It mattered.”
“Oh, Rick. What a mess.”
He nodded. “I couldn’t be what you wanted, what you needed.”
“I had the same problem,” she admitted. “You wanted the
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