lesser A levels), had booked out the cricket pavilion and were planning on having a Halloween party. It sounded like a great idea.
âI hope Freddy will be there,â said one of the girls, the only one with brown hair.
âYeah, me too,â I said. âHeâs so handsome itâs obscene.â
She looked at me in genuine disgust.
I felt I needed to explain. âIâm only joking.â
âYou can never tell with you. Youâre weird.â
âNo Iâm not.â The way she said it was so cold it hurt a little and I instantly lost all respect for her because doing that was easier than getting upset.
âYes you are.â
âHeâs not weird, heâs special,â chirped Matthew.
âThank you, Matthew.â I considered storming off, gettingsome drama into the scene, but thought better of it because they wouldnât get it. âWhy call me weird?â I said to the girl, by this time genuinely offended. I thought for a second that I was going to start crying.
âWhy did you say you think Freddyâs handsome?â
âCharlotte,â said Jenny in a high voice. âLeave Richie alone.â
âI was making a joke,â I said.
âOh yeah? What joke?â
âYou know. Like I was gay.â
âAnd whatâs wrong with being gay?â She made one of those American faces.
I sighed. âNothing. Itâs just â itâs funny.â
âI donât think being gayâs funny.â
I couldnât believe this. âNo, nor me.â
âYouâre homophobic. Thatâs great, Matty, youâve got a great best friend.â
âYeah,â I said quickly. âHe has. Actually.â
The other Californian Girls were loving the completely uncalled-for attack. I wasnât really used to people having a go at me and I could feel myself blushing.
âI was being facetious. If you even know what that means.â
You know what? Thereâs nothing worse than somebody who thinks theyâre more intelligent than they are. I was getting angry, but not like I was when I was fourteen and went a bit nuts. Just normal angry. I paused, shaking a little bit. I hate the way I let people get to me.
âYou know what?â I said, pointing at her. âI wish you were gay. Then you could go fuck yourself.â That was too good
not
to storm off. So I did.
I was laughing my head off. Not out loud, of course; outside I was just smiling to myself. I hollered a right into an arcade and there, not forty feet away, and coming my way, was Craig Bartlett-Taylor. I instantly jumped into a shop so that he wouldnât see me. I donât know why I did that. Inreality I should have escaped, but the world is never like reality, is it? Bartlett-Taylor came straight into the shop, lolloping along like a fucking moron. Iâm sorry I just said that but Iâm still wound up by that Californian Girl, just thinking about her.
âHey, Craig,â I called from across the aisle. My arms were in the air.
He was wearing an Iron Maiden T-shirt so the bandages on his arms were perfectly visible. âThatâs a great look for your slash marks, you crazy bastard,â I said loudly. I felt instantly sick. This wasnât me. I was almost shaking because of the Californian Girl and I had just taken my anger out on Craig. I had been worried about him all weekend and thinking that I wanted to do something to help and then when I finally saw him I said something like that because I canât control myself.
A couple of people looked at me and I felt awful because I was being like a typical teenager. He sauntered over to me and stopped. His eyes looked all empty, like he was on drugs. He probably was; to, you know, curb his madness. He wasnât laughing at my joke. I didnât realize that a suicidal mood is not tinged with irony. There is no room for jokes with something like that.
âJesus, Craig,
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