Read Online The Sugar Frosted Nutsack by Mark Leyner - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Mark Leyner
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though he suspects, and perhaps half desires, that instead of gratefully receiving the sacrament, they might very well flog, flay, boil, and consume him:
Mein Kahn ist ohne Steuer, er fährt mit dem Wind, der in den untersten Regionen des Todes bläst.
Comments (Newest First)
SugarFrosted XOXO is introducing junk DNA into the genome of the story. Don’t panic. Just keep chanting Ike, Ike, Ike, Ike, Ike! And keep in mind that even this junk DNA (cunningly disguised as SMS abbreviations) that XOXO has inserted into these comments is now considered an integral part of the epic, and if the vagrant, drug-addled bards were to recite or perform Season Nine without this junk DNA, the audience would feel—and justifiably so—cheated, and probably demand a full refund.
Posted 11:26 AM
Beachgirl What is that? What does that mean?
Posted 11:20 AM
KidComa DYHAB DUM DUWBHTPHFIYAWYC GYPO IWFU DYSL GNOC SMB EWI ATG CTA TCA TTG ACC TTG AGT TAT TAA ATG CTA TCA TTG CAC TTG AGT TGT TAA ATG CTA TCA TTG ACC GTG AGT TAT TAA ATG CTA TCA TTG ACC TCG AGT TAT ATA ATG CTA TCA TTG ACC TTG AGT TAT AGA GTG TGA TTA TAA ATG CTA TCA TTG CCA TCG TGA TAT ATA ATG CTA TCA TTG ACC TTG AGT TAT AGA
Posted 11:17 AM
Beachgirl Ike, Ike, Ike, Ike, Ike!
Posted 11:13 AM
KidComa FMUTA!!!!!
Posted 11:11 AM
Beachgirl XOXO!! That’s you, right?! You’re vandalizing The Sugar Frosted Nutsack again!!!
Posted 11:08 AM
KidComa ROTFLMAO!
Posted 11:06 AM
Beachgirl You’re a complete asshole!
Posted 11:01 AM
KidComa LMFAO!
Posted 10:55 AM
Beachgirl I hate people who just laugh at everything. Do you think spina bifida is funny or the Holocaust?
Posted 10:53 AM
KidComa Get your pants off!
Posted 10:50 AM
Beachgirl It is not stupid OR pretentious. You have a great deal of LEARNING to do. You’re just too shallow to delve deep into questioning yourself and your life. READ MORE!!!
Posted 10:45 AM
KidComa It’s stupid and pretentious.
Posted 10:42 AM
Beachgirl What’s funny about that? I think it’s so profound. And it’s so beautifully emblematic of Ike .
Posted 10:35 AM
KidComa LOL!
Posted 10:32 AM
Beachgirl It’s from Kafka’s “Der Jäger Gracchus” (The Hunter Gracchus), dickwad. It means: “My ship has no rudder, and it is driven by the wind that blows in the undermost regions of death.”
Posted 10:30 AM
KidComa What the fuck does that mean?
Posted 10:24 AM
Showing 17 of 9,709 comments
Instead of a Monocle and a Walking Stick
It’s usually at this point in almost every authenticated version of The Sugar Frosted Nutsack —following “Comments (Newest First)”—that Ike strolls to the Miss America Diner (on West Side Avenue, at the corner of Culver), where he engages in an extended adagio with The Waitress , ordering a tongue sandwich, discussing the erotics of second-person POV during endodontic procedures, and writing the lyrics to the narcocorrido “That’s Me ( Ike ’s Song)” that The Kartons will sing at the “Last Concert.” (In traditional public recitations, the bards—vagrant, drug-addled, and almost always blind, but sometimes just severely dyslexic—are expected to chant all 9,709 of the “Comments,” and not just the seventeen included here, especially if the performance is taking place in a remote, rural area “where the pace of life is unhurried, where the air is fragrant with the aromas of shearing sheds and cattle yards, honeysuckle or corn dogs from some fair, and where the appetite for orally transmitted, maddeningly repetitive epic entertainment remains unsated.”)
The image of “ Ike the Flâneur” strolling to the Miss America Diner has become one of the most familiar and iconic representations of the sinewy and reticent hero who, in addition to being convinced that Goddesses are almost continuously leering at him from the top floor of the Burj Khalifa and masturbating, believes that Western materialism—most perfectly embodied by privileged celebrities—is polluting the soul of every living creature in
Mein Kahn ist ohne Steuer, er fährt mit dem Wind, der in den untersten Regionen des Todes bläst.
Comments (Newest First)
SugarFrosted XOXO is introducing junk DNA into the genome of the story. Don’t panic. Just keep chanting Ike, Ike, Ike, Ike, Ike! And keep in mind that even this junk DNA (cunningly disguised as SMS abbreviations) that XOXO has inserted into these comments is now considered an integral part of the epic, and if the vagrant, drug-addled bards were to recite or perform Season Nine without this junk DNA, the audience would feel—and justifiably so—cheated, and probably demand a full refund.
Posted 11:26 AM
Beachgirl What is that? What does that mean?
Posted 11:20 AM
KidComa DYHAB DUM DUWBHTPHFIYAWYC GYPO IWFU DYSL GNOC SMB EWI ATG CTA TCA TTG ACC TTG AGT TAT TAA ATG CTA TCA TTG CAC TTG AGT TGT TAA ATG CTA TCA TTG ACC GTG AGT TAT TAA ATG CTA TCA TTG ACC TCG AGT TAT ATA ATG CTA TCA TTG ACC TTG AGT TAT AGA GTG TGA TTA TAA ATG CTA TCA TTG CCA TCG TGA TAT ATA ATG CTA TCA TTG ACC TTG AGT TAT AGA
Posted 11:17 AM
Beachgirl Ike, Ike, Ike, Ike, Ike!
Posted 11:13 AM
KidComa FMUTA!!!!!
Posted 11:11 AM
Beachgirl XOXO!! That’s you, right?! You’re vandalizing The Sugar Frosted Nutsack again!!!
Posted 11:08 AM
KidComa ROTFLMAO!
Posted 11:06 AM
Beachgirl You’re a complete asshole!
Posted 11:01 AM
KidComa LMFAO!
Posted 10:55 AM
Beachgirl I hate people who just laugh at everything. Do you think spina bifida is funny or the Holocaust?
Posted 10:53 AM
KidComa Get your pants off!
Posted 10:50 AM
Beachgirl It is not stupid OR pretentious. You have a great deal of LEARNING to do. You’re just too shallow to delve deep into questioning yourself and your life. READ MORE!!!
Posted 10:45 AM
KidComa It’s stupid and pretentious.
Posted 10:42 AM
Beachgirl What’s funny about that? I think it’s so profound. And it’s so beautifully emblematic of Ike .
Posted 10:35 AM
KidComa LOL!
Posted 10:32 AM
Beachgirl It’s from Kafka’s “Der Jäger Gracchus” (The Hunter Gracchus), dickwad. It means: “My ship has no rudder, and it is driven by the wind that blows in the undermost regions of death.”
Posted 10:30 AM
KidComa What the fuck does that mean?
Posted 10:24 AM
Showing 17 of 9,709 comments
Instead of a Monocle and a Walking Stick
It’s usually at this point in almost every authenticated version of The Sugar Frosted Nutsack —following “Comments (Newest First)”—that Ike strolls to the Miss America Diner (on West Side Avenue, at the corner of Culver), where he engages in an extended adagio with The Waitress , ordering a tongue sandwich, discussing the erotics of second-person POV during endodontic procedures, and writing the lyrics to the narcocorrido “That’s Me ( Ike ’s Song)” that The Kartons will sing at the “Last Concert.” (In traditional public recitations, the bards—vagrant, drug-addled, and almost always blind, but sometimes just severely dyslexic—are expected to chant all 9,709 of the “Comments,” and not just the seventeen included here, especially if the performance is taking place in a remote, rural area “where the pace of life is unhurried, where the air is fragrant with the aromas of shearing sheds and cattle yards, honeysuckle or corn dogs from some fair, and where the appetite for orally transmitted, maddeningly repetitive epic entertainment remains unsated.”)
The image of “ Ike the Flâneur” strolling to the Miss America Diner has become one of the most familiar and iconic representations of the sinewy and reticent hero who, in addition to being convinced that Goddesses are almost continuously leering at him from the top floor of the Burj Khalifa and masturbating, believes that Western materialism—most perfectly embodied by privileged celebrities—is polluting the soul of every living creature in
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