Read Online The Still of Night by Kristen Heitzmann - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Kristen Heitzmann
Tags: Ebook
Ads: Link
Treatment Center.”
“Okay.” But nothing was really sinking in.
The drive home gave her time to think and to pray desperate prayers that left her empty and afraid. Why like this? Why couldn’t I find her whole and healthy? All her fairy-tale imaginings of Kelsey in the perfect life, with every happiness, shattered and spilled about her. “It’s not fair! I’ve already paid!”
Angry tears dammed up inside. Why now? She’d gone on, just as Cinda said, though it was a battle sometimes. She had the kids at school, and her work meant so much to her. To help the ones who struggled for too many reasons.
Now Kelsey. It hit her again like a blow. She had already lost her child once. How could she do it again? Even with the brave smile and intense eyes, it was obvious that Kelsey was terribly sick. Jill was caught in a vortex, spiraling down. She had to focus on what she could do. Otherwise she felt too helpless for words.
After Jill had left, Kelsey sat at the desk near her window. It seemed like a small miracle to have that much energy. This last round of chemotherapy had been worse than the others, since her second remission had proved harder to achieve, and it was taking larger doses to maintain. But she’d napped a couple hours and felt better.
She opened the laptop computer her parents had given her last Christmas and brought it to life. Yes, she was a whiz. Not that she could take much credit for that. Because of all the hours she’d spent in a hospital bed, and since she didn’t watch TV, the computer was a godsend, one her parents could scarcely afford these days with the mounting medical bills, but the computer had provided a chance to reach out.
It had been her roommate’s idea, actually, to start a Web page. Sort of the Ann Landers for leukemia kids. A man from the church had helped her create it, but she had taken over from there. With an animated DIF and a MIDI, she’d added graphics and music, just to make it fun. But really, as Mom had said, it gave her the chance to share Christ’s love.
She opened up the mail section. Four letters today. She clicked to open the first from a girl newly diagnosed. That was the hardest time, before your sickness became the reality of your life. She raised her fingers to the keyboard.
Dear Amy,
I know it’s scary. I was scared, too, and confused. How could this be happening to me? Maybe they’re wrong. It’s all a bad dream. Then when chemo started, I knew it wasn’t a dream. It was real, though I still didn’t understand why. The only thing I knew was that Jesus was in control. He is the best, best friend.
When other kids were afraid to come see me, or even grownups didn’t know what to say, I felt like a freak. But Jesus was always there. I trust Him with my life. You can, too. Write me back if you want to know more.
Jesus loves you and so do I. Kelsey
www.kelseyshopepage.com
She moved on to the next. Some days she was so tired it was hard to think what to say. Then she trusted the Holy Spirit to give her the words. Days like today, her words came easily, maybe because seeing Jill gave her fresh hope herself.
Dear Samantha,
Yes, there are days I feel sorry for myself. I say, why me? But the answer is, why not? Would I wish it on someone else instead? What if they didn’t have faith or courage? Jesus gives me what I need even when I forget to ask. And sometimes I do. Sometimes I even get angry and think it’s not fair. But God’s Word says, “In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” So I know He uses even leukemia for some good thing I can’t see. Trust Him and He’ll give you peace.
Jesus loves you and so do I. Kelsey
www.kelseyshopepage.com
When she finished the mail, she surfed the Web awhile, then stopped and stared out the window. Kelsey bit her lip. The thought of an allogeneic bone marrow transplant scared her. There were so manymore complications. But autologous
“Okay.” But nothing was really sinking in.
The drive home gave her time to think and to pray desperate prayers that left her empty and afraid. Why like this? Why couldn’t I find her whole and healthy? All her fairy-tale imaginings of Kelsey in the perfect life, with every happiness, shattered and spilled about her. “It’s not fair! I’ve already paid!”
Angry tears dammed up inside. Why now? She’d gone on, just as Cinda said, though it was a battle sometimes. She had the kids at school, and her work meant so much to her. To help the ones who struggled for too many reasons.
Now Kelsey. It hit her again like a blow. She had already lost her child once. How could she do it again? Even with the brave smile and intense eyes, it was obvious that Kelsey was terribly sick. Jill was caught in a vortex, spiraling down. She had to focus on what she could do. Otherwise she felt too helpless for words.
After Jill had left, Kelsey sat at the desk near her window. It seemed like a small miracle to have that much energy. This last round of chemotherapy had been worse than the others, since her second remission had proved harder to achieve, and it was taking larger doses to maintain. But she’d napped a couple hours and felt better.
She opened the laptop computer her parents had given her last Christmas and brought it to life. Yes, she was a whiz. Not that she could take much credit for that. Because of all the hours she’d spent in a hospital bed, and since she didn’t watch TV, the computer was a godsend, one her parents could scarcely afford these days with the mounting medical bills, but the computer had provided a chance to reach out.
It had been her roommate’s idea, actually, to start a Web page. Sort of the Ann Landers for leukemia kids. A man from the church had helped her create it, but she had taken over from there. With an animated DIF and a MIDI, she’d added graphics and music, just to make it fun. But really, as Mom had said, it gave her the chance to share Christ’s love.
She opened up the mail section. Four letters today. She clicked to open the first from a girl newly diagnosed. That was the hardest time, before your sickness became the reality of your life. She raised her fingers to the keyboard.
Dear Amy,
I know it’s scary. I was scared, too, and confused. How could this be happening to me? Maybe they’re wrong. It’s all a bad dream. Then when chemo started, I knew it wasn’t a dream. It was real, though I still didn’t understand why. The only thing I knew was that Jesus was in control. He is the best, best friend.
When other kids were afraid to come see me, or even grownups didn’t know what to say, I felt like a freak. But Jesus was always there. I trust Him with my life. You can, too. Write me back if you want to know more.
Jesus loves you and so do I. Kelsey
www.kelseyshopepage.com
She moved on to the next. Some days she was so tired it was hard to think what to say. Then she trusted the Holy Spirit to give her the words. Days like today, her words came easily, maybe because seeing Jill gave her fresh hope herself.
Dear Samantha,
Yes, there are days I feel sorry for myself. I say, why me? But the answer is, why not? Would I wish it on someone else instead? What if they didn’t have faith or courage? Jesus gives me what I need even when I forget to ask. And sometimes I do. Sometimes I even get angry and think it’s not fair. But God’s Word says, “In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” So I know He uses even leukemia for some good thing I can’t see. Trust Him and He’ll give you peace.
Jesus loves you and so do I. Kelsey
www.kelseyshopepage.com
When she finished the mail, she surfed the Web awhile, then stopped and stared out the window. Kelsey bit her lip. The thought of an allogeneic bone marrow transplant scared her. There were so manymore complications. But autologous