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the money from Jerry unawares we wouldn’t owe anything, either in terms of cash or product.
    â€œI like the way you think,” I told her, although what I saw in her was less thought than a kind of low animal cunning, a hillbilly slyness that made the betrayal of her boss and lover as natural and uncomplicated as switching brands of toothpaste.
    We were driving out on Hydraulic headed for a supermarket. It was closed at that hour but the security guard let Chuck do some business out behind the dumpsters in return for modest monetary and pharmaceutical compensation. I’d known Chuck for twenty years, and despite a reckless and fearless way of doing business, he’d never been in any major trouble. A lack of guile and considerable personal charm had gotten him out of many a scrape, and a lack of ambition had kept him out of the bigger leagues where he probably would have gotten himself killed.
    The female was talking about teeth, a subject she probably should have avoided. First of all, hers were huge and starting to get meth gray, despite her claims that she still brushed and flossed thrice daily. Second, nobody wants to hear about that kind of shit from a dental hygienist even when they’re a captive audience in the chair, let alone when they’ve got an ongoing criminal enterprise they’re trying to concentrate on.
    â€œYou ever hear of meth mouth?” I asked her, hoping she’d get the picture and shut the fuck up. No such luck. She went into lecture mode, expounding at length about her personal theory that meth mouth was a result of tweakers neglecting their flossing because they were too distracted by the getting and consuming of their drug of choice and not because of the drug’s unorthodox chemical manufacturing process itself.
    â€œLook at me,” she said. “I’ve been doing this for like a year or more and my teeth are as beautiful and straight as they’ve ever been.”
    I agreed, but just because I thought I might want more access to her person later.
    â€œSo where are we going to sell this cold medicine once we get it?” she asked.
    I had an idea, I told her, a friend of a friend up in Topeka went by the name of Crumdog, sergeant-at-arms for a bikers’ organization.
    â€œSo how come this Chuck guy wants to sell it to you?” she asked. “Wouldn’t he make better money selling it to some cook? Doesn’t he know anybody?”
    â€œYou sure do ask a lot of questions,” I said, trying not to sound like I was thinking about backhanding her.
    jerry
    God, I hated seeing what had become of Glen. I ignored the maybe-penis in the box and glanced back at Torie, who was still looking down her nose at him.
    â€œSo what happened to the home for the blind and deaf?”
    â€œWell, my brother had some licensing issues with the state of Oregon, we never quite got it open, and then my girlfriend kicked me out. Blah blah blah, long story short, I’m back here. But I still got the Lexus.”
    â€œThat’s good.”
    â€œSo how much for Frank’s pecker?”
    â€œNothing, Glen.”
    â€œNothing? For a relic that’s seen the insides of Ava Gardner and Mia Farrow both?”
    Just then Matt Sweeney walked in. He used to be a doctor, so I waved him over for a quick look. “That a human penis, Matt?”
    He stuck out his lower lip and took the box from Glen. “Hard to say. Could be. You’d have to show a pathologist.”
    â€œHow much, man?” Glen was whining now.
    â€œNothing. Even if that is a human penis, it’s not Sinatra’s.”
    â€œProve it!” Glen shouted.
    â€œCalm down now, pal,” I said. “What makes you think it’s worth anything, anyway, even if it is Ol’ Blue Eyes’ John Thomas?”
    I could see his fantasy beginning to implode inside his skull. “You could charge money to see it. They auctioned Napoleon’s off for big