she was saying. He certainly didn’t move away. He was a lot bigger than she was and she couldn’t seem to move; he waspinning her down. Then he was doing something else that made her push as hard as she could. “Theo! No, Theo! Stop!
“
Theo!
”
Then she was fighting him. “No…no, no! Stop, Theo, stop!…Theo, don’t! Not like this. No, no, no!
Please stop! I don’t want to!
” Her voice rose to a frantic plea. He couldn’t be doing this! He
wouldn’t
—but he didn’t stop. Not even when she screamed. He clamped a hard hand over her mouth and she choked and fought to breathe, blind panic lending her strength, but it wasn’t enough. He was bigger and stronger and rough, but the shock of what was happening was worse than the pain.
When Theo finally moved, Menina struggled upright. Her breath came raggedly and she began to shake. Too shocked to cry, she heard herself making a dry whimpering sound, and a monster with Theo’s face was saying, “Menina! Come on, what’s the big deal, really? It doesn’t matter, we’re getting married! In a couple of months we’ll laugh about this. Who knows, we may even have started that first baby.” He zipped up his fly.
Doesn’t matter? Laugh? She could still feel his hand on her mouth and the rest of her felt as if she had been beaten up and turned inside out. “Take. Me. Home,” Menina said with as much dignity as she could summon through her gritted teeth while trying to straighten her clothes.
“Honey, don’t make a big thing out of sex before we’re married! Lighten up! You’ll enjoy it next time. I promise.”
Wedding? Next time?
Was she hearing right? Was he trying to persuade her that rape was
OK
? She felt dizzy. Then doubt began creeping in. Sarah-Lynn always said a girl was in control. Had her dress been too sexy? Menina had thought it was pretty, and she would hardly have made it out the door past Sarah-Lynn if she hadn’t looked ladylike, but had she sent out the wrong message? And she had acted passionate, kissing Theo the way shehad—maybe he took that to mean yes. Was getting raped
her own fault
? Uncertainty eroded the last shreds of her self-confidence but didn’t mend her shattered heart.
When they pulled up in front of her house Theo said, “OK, we’ll talk if you want and everything will be fine.” Menina didn’t try to answer, just flung open her car door, tore her engagement ring off and hurled it into the distance. Then she raced for the house.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, when you’ve calmed down,” he said, rushing after her.
“I n-n-never w-want to see you again!” Menina slammed the front door and locked it, then ran to her room, threw herself onto her bed where she buried her head in her pillow to muffle her screams and cried herself into a fitful sleep.
She woke early with a heavy head, her life in ruins, and the bleak certainty that she must never, ever let a word of what happened cross her lips. A girl who brought an accusation of rape invited trouble from the accused’s friends, who as often as not joined forces and told the police the girl was a lying slut. That she had a reputation of being hot for sex, all the time, with anybody. Theo had a lot of friends, an entire band of fraternity brothers, plus there were the Bonners—they had power to do anything they wanted. Who knew what that would be if she accused their golden boy of rape, what stories they would make sure were circulated? If Sarah-Lynn heard Menina publicly called a cock-teaser and a slut, it would break her heart. Virgil would go after Theo with his shotgun, and end up in the electric chair for murder. Sarah-Lynn would be widowed and people would whisper that after all they had done for her, Menina had been trash who ruined the Walkers.
No, she could never, never tell anybody—not the police, not her parents, not even Becky. A turmoil of emotion and doubts and shock swirling in her mind, she grabbed scissors and cut all her clothes from the
“
Theo!
”
Then she was fighting him. “No…no, no! Stop, Theo, stop!…Theo, don’t! Not like this. No, no, no!
Please stop! I don’t want to!
” Her voice rose to a frantic plea. He couldn’t be doing this! He
wouldn’t
—but he didn’t stop. Not even when she screamed. He clamped a hard hand over her mouth and she choked and fought to breathe, blind panic lending her strength, but it wasn’t enough. He was bigger and stronger and rough, but the shock of what was happening was worse than the pain.
When Theo finally moved, Menina struggled upright. Her breath came raggedly and she began to shake. Too shocked to cry, she heard herself making a dry whimpering sound, and a monster with Theo’s face was saying, “Menina! Come on, what’s the big deal, really? It doesn’t matter, we’re getting married! In a couple of months we’ll laugh about this. Who knows, we may even have started that first baby.” He zipped up his fly.
Doesn’t matter? Laugh? She could still feel his hand on her mouth and the rest of her felt as if she had been beaten up and turned inside out. “Take. Me. Home,” Menina said with as much dignity as she could summon through her gritted teeth while trying to straighten her clothes.
“Honey, don’t make a big thing out of sex before we’re married! Lighten up! You’ll enjoy it next time. I promise.”
Wedding? Next time?
Was she hearing right? Was he trying to persuade her that rape was
OK
? She felt dizzy. Then doubt began creeping in. Sarah-Lynn always said a girl was in control. Had her dress been too sexy? Menina had thought it was pretty, and she would hardly have made it out the door past Sarah-Lynn if she hadn’t looked ladylike, but had she sent out the wrong message? And she had acted passionate, kissing Theo the way shehad—maybe he took that to mean yes. Was getting raped
her own fault
? Uncertainty eroded the last shreds of her self-confidence but didn’t mend her shattered heart.
When they pulled up in front of her house Theo said, “OK, we’ll talk if you want and everything will be fine.” Menina didn’t try to answer, just flung open her car door, tore her engagement ring off and hurled it into the distance. Then she raced for the house.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, when you’ve calmed down,” he said, rushing after her.
“I n-n-never w-want to see you again!” Menina slammed the front door and locked it, then ran to her room, threw herself onto her bed where she buried her head in her pillow to muffle her screams and cried herself into a fitful sleep.
She woke early with a heavy head, her life in ruins, and the bleak certainty that she must never, ever let a word of what happened cross her lips. A girl who brought an accusation of rape invited trouble from the accused’s friends, who as often as not joined forces and told the police the girl was a lying slut. That she had a reputation of being hot for sex, all the time, with anybody. Theo had a lot of friends, an entire band of fraternity brothers, plus there were the Bonners—they had power to do anything they wanted. Who knew what that would be if she accused their golden boy of rape, what stories they would make sure were circulated? If Sarah-Lynn heard Menina publicly called a cock-teaser and a slut, it would break her heart. Virgil would go after Theo with his shotgun, and end up in the electric chair for murder. Sarah-Lynn would be widowed and people would whisper that after all they had done for her, Menina had been trash who ruined the Walkers.
No, she could never, never tell anybody—not the police, not her parents, not even Becky. A turmoil of emotion and doubts and shock swirling in her mind, she grabbed scissors and cut all her clothes from the
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