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Authors: Kayler Holmes
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her instead.
Things changed phenomenally after that. My Dad seemed to change overnight from the tall, hearty, happy man I knew and loved to a stooped, depressed and alcoholic one overnight - as if everything that had been good and right about our family died when my Mum did. I couldn’t go back to school for about six months after Mum died. I did try, a couple of times, but every time I got to the school gates I just froze, totally unable to go into the place where my much loved Mum should be and wasn’t.
I ended up being sent away to boarding school during term times and that started out as a living nightmare. Unlike Rosemont where more or less everyone looks out for each other, the boarding school was full of strange kids who didn’t know me at all. They just saw a fat girl who had no Mum and who had funny attacks frequently (panic attacks, I really was not comfortable being in a school environment anymore, they are supposed to be safe places but I knew for a fact that wasn’t true.)
So of course the bullying started and I just withdrew into myself taking comfort in food all the time, getting fatter and fatter and more and more depressed. If that wasn’t bad enough going home for the holidays promised to be a total nightmare at first. When I arrived home for the first holiday in the car of one of the social support team member’s car, the house was a disgusting stinking mess. My Dad had stopped working and was living on social security and benefits. Most of what he got he drank, saving enough to pay the basic bills. There wasn’t anything to eat in the house, plenty to drink if you liked that kind of thing, but I hated it. The house smelled funny as well and gradually fell into a state of such disrepair that some of the adults at the school were really reluctant to send me home. I didn’t have anywhere else to go, so each time they would send me home with food and cleaning equipment and I would spend my holidays cleaning and trying to persuade my dad to give me money for food.
In some ways that was the worst time of my life and if it hadn’t been for Jamie I might not even be here today telling the tale. At school in Rosemont he had been one of the people picking on me for being fat before I went to boarding school. The first time I came home for the holidays though, he came round to see me almost as soon as I got back. I was confused why he was over; convinced he had called to add to my misery. I couldn’t have been more wrong though. He had found out when I would be home specifically to be there when I got back because he wanted to apologise for how he had treated me.
His little sister had been in the reception class that my Mum saved and when he heard what had happened he started feeling really guilty for how mean he had been. I didn’t know but he had tried to visit a few times before I left for boarding school but I was in too much of a state to see anyone. When he realised I was not going back to the school he felt even worse, wondering if it was him and his friends that had driven me away.
I was completely gobsmacked when he said that and then completely blown away when he asked what I had planned for the holiday. I found myself telling him everything, about my dad, boarding school, the lot. He was a couple of years older than me and seemed to have grown up considerably. He didn’t say anything at first but then he told me he would come over each day and help sort the house out. He said that he could do the handyman stuff while I did the “little lady” stuff! Of course I was horrified about that idea, I had never met a person so insensitive and clueless, so I stiffened up a little, until I looked closely at him and saw the twinkle in his eye and his monumental battle to keep a straight face. I have no idea why, but I threw a mock punch at his arm and he rolled off the end of my sofa and onto the floor, sides shaking with laughter.
After that we were pretty inseparable every holiday and the odd
Things changed phenomenally after that. My Dad seemed to change overnight from the tall, hearty, happy man I knew and loved to a stooped, depressed and alcoholic one overnight - as if everything that had been good and right about our family died when my Mum did. I couldn’t go back to school for about six months after Mum died. I did try, a couple of times, but every time I got to the school gates I just froze, totally unable to go into the place where my much loved Mum should be and wasn’t.
I ended up being sent away to boarding school during term times and that started out as a living nightmare. Unlike Rosemont where more or less everyone looks out for each other, the boarding school was full of strange kids who didn’t know me at all. They just saw a fat girl who had no Mum and who had funny attacks frequently (panic attacks, I really was not comfortable being in a school environment anymore, they are supposed to be safe places but I knew for a fact that wasn’t true.)
So of course the bullying started and I just withdrew into myself taking comfort in food all the time, getting fatter and fatter and more and more depressed. If that wasn’t bad enough going home for the holidays promised to be a total nightmare at first. When I arrived home for the first holiday in the car of one of the social support team member’s car, the house was a disgusting stinking mess. My Dad had stopped working and was living on social security and benefits. Most of what he got he drank, saving enough to pay the basic bills. There wasn’t anything to eat in the house, plenty to drink if you liked that kind of thing, but I hated it. The house smelled funny as well and gradually fell into a state of such disrepair that some of the adults at the school were really reluctant to send me home. I didn’t have anywhere else to go, so each time they would send me home with food and cleaning equipment and I would spend my holidays cleaning and trying to persuade my dad to give me money for food.
In some ways that was the worst time of my life and if it hadn’t been for Jamie I might not even be here today telling the tale. At school in Rosemont he had been one of the people picking on me for being fat before I went to boarding school. The first time I came home for the holidays though, he came round to see me almost as soon as I got back. I was confused why he was over; convinced he had called to add to my misery. I couldn’t have been more wrong though. He had found out when I would be home specifically to be there when I got back because he wanted to apologise for how he had treated me.
His little sister had been in the reception class that my Mum saved and when he heard what had happened he started feeling really guilty for how mean he had been. I didn’t know but he had tried to visit a few times before I left for boarding school but I was in too much of a state to see anyone. When he realised I was not going back to the school he felt even worse, wondering if it was him and his friends that had driven me away.
I was completely gobsmacked when he said that and then completely blown away when he asked what I had planned for the holiday. I found myself telling him everything, about my dad, boarding school, the lot. He was a couple of years older than me and seemed to have grown up considerably. He didn’t say anything at first but then he told me he would come over each day and help sort the house out. He said that he could do the handyman stuff while I did the “little lady” stuff! Of course I was horrified about that idea, I had never met a person so insensitive and clueless, so I stiffened up a little, until I looked closely at him and saw the twinkle in his eye and his monumental battle to keep a straight face. I have no idea why, but I threw a mock punch at his arm and he rolled off the end of my sofa and onto the floor, sides shaking with laughter.
After that we were pretty inseparable every holiday and the odd
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