Read Online The Road Out of Hell by Anthony Flacco - Free Book Online Page B

have to move out of the country. I read these things in stories.”
    “Well, I like the stories that An Old Scout’ tells.”
    “And besides getting rid of the body—an art in itself, as I say—there is the issue of alibi. Do you know what an alibi is?”
    “Some kind of excuse.”
    “No! No, no, no! Excuse? No. An alibi is your proof that you were nowhere near the crime at the time. Let me hear you say that. This is important.”
    Sanford sighed, but only a little bit so that Uncle Stewart could not hear it. “Nowhere near the crime at the time.”
    “That’s it. When you are drowning in the ocean and surrounded by sharks, your alibi is your life preserver. Check any of the great mystery writers. No exaggeration. You can’t just dump a carcass somewhere and go home and put on the radio. You have to ask yourself the same questions that the cops might want to ask you. And you better be ready with good answers if you don’t want to swing for it! Ha-ha-ha!”
    “I guess.”
    “Oh, you guess?” Uncle Stewart kicked at him again, just hard enough to connect this time. “Wake up! Murder is serious! An art! A science! Any lowlife can crawl up out of the gutter and, you know, just kill somebody, but it is the artist who gets away with it! You have to deal with the body—and let me tell you something, you would be amazed at how fast they go bad on you. And once you deal with the body, why, then you need your alibi! Meaning that you have to have somebody who can vouch for you. If you can’t get that, you have to make sure that you are somewhere alone when everything happens, so that nobody can prove things, you know, tell about your movements, when you come and go, et cetera, et cetera.
    “Plus! You have to deal with the problem of witnesses! Best not to have any. I mean none whatsoever. Main reason being that it is only when you don’t have any witnesses at all that you don’t have to worry about getting your story straight! See that? Do you see how it all fits together? With no witnesses, your story is whatever you say it is!”
    Sanford replied in reflex. “Maybe if you don’t do anything to cover up, you don’t have to keep your story—”
    “Oh yeah! Demeanor! Demeanor is everything. It means that when you are sure that you’ve done your homework, you can stay as cool as a cucumber so you never lose your head. What you want is a Demeanor of Benign Affability. Let me see you do one.”
    “What?”
    “Demeanor! Demeanor! Show me how you look when you are nice and calm and you’re not thinking about anything and you don’t want any problems with anybody. That’s a Demeanor of Benign Affability, pal. It will be one of the most important tools in your future life. Mark me on that! So show me your demeanor. Go ahead.”
    Sanford sighed, realizing that quick cooperation was his only hope at putting an end to whatever this was about. He relaxed his facial muscles into a neutral position and looked straight ahead, imagining that he was walking down a pleasant sidewalk on a sunny day.
    “Hey! That’s it!! Ha-ha-ha! There you go! See? You knew what I meant all along, you sly devil! Let’s hear you say it.”
    “The whole thing?”
    “Damn it, Sanford!”
    “Okay! Demeanor of baff—”
    “Baff? Demeanor of baff? No, it is not a demeanor of baff! It is a demeanor of benign affability! Now say it!”
    “Jesus, Uncle Stewart—demeanor of benign affability. All right?”
    “Yes. All right. That’s what I’m talking about. You mark my words, my little budding criminal, that trick will serve you well in the future.”
    “I don’t have any plans of—”
    “Now! As far as getting rid of the body, and by that I mean as far as how important it is to do it properly, it is just this simple, my friend: cops can’t do a thing without a body.”
    Uncle Stewart was in such an effusive mood that Sanford felt bold enough to voice the fear that was eating at him. “Uncle Stewart?”
    “What.”
    “Is that…