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Authors: Alex Preston
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place in the chapel of one of the neighbouring colleges when she went up to university. For several years she followed the rules of the Course with great seriousness. But then the slumps set in, and she found her bad old ways returning. And this was why Philip, long and bony, was lying in her bed, snoring gently.
Lee dressed, fed Darwin and sat on the balcony drinking coffee until Philip stumbled out in his boxer shorts, his skin very pale in the first rays of the sun.
‘Hi,’ he said, looking past Lee and out over the city, hands clasped to his shoulders in the fresh morning air.
‘Hi.’ She left a pause. ‘Do you want coffee?’ Her voice was cold and there was only one chair out on the balcony, expressly to discourage any early-morning company.
‘No, I’d better . . . I should just go. I’ll see you at the Course next week. It was good to meet you.’
‘Yes. Can you show yourself out? Mind Darwin doesn’t follow you.’
*
She knew that it would be awkward during their next discussion session, and it was. The following Tuesday night, when a warm rain wrapped the church in a swirling veil, she saw him watching her as she walked down the aisle to take her place for David’s speech. She was wearing a black jumper over a white T-shirt, black jeans and trainers. She could feel Philip’s gaze across her back, in the nerves of her neck, in her hair. She thumbed through The Way of the Pilgrim . Mouse came to sit beside her and she hugged him gratefully, then turned to the pulpit, still vaguely aware of Philip’s gaze. David looked down at her and smiled, then out to the rest of the room, his grin widening as he took in the rows of eager, upward-looking faces.
‘Good evening, my children,’ he said, holding his arms out and stepping forward to the microphone. ‘You are now part of our family. And as you attend the Course over the next few weeks and, I hope, over the years to come, you will find yourself feeling increasingly that your family is here. Some of you may have come to the service on Sunday. Doesn’t matter if you didn’t, but those who were here will have got a measure of the intensity of the bond between us, the strength of this community. It feels sometimes like intensity isn’t approved of in the outside world, as if it somehow isn’t cool. Well here at St Botolph’s, intensity is very cool. We encourage it.’ He smiled and took a sip of water. The lights dimmed slightly. Lee rested her head on Mouse’s shoulder.
‘I hope that, over the past week, you might have noticed some changes in yourself. Maybe you haven’t. Often we’re too caught up in the business of our lives and we don’t have time to think about how we’re feeling. Sometimes it’s hard to make space for God. But if you have felt something different, if you have found yourself praying, and maybe you’ve read some pages of the Bible, well, that’s all great.’ His smile faded and Lee noticed a subtle shift in the atmosphere. The light around the priest grew colder, wind whistled in the roof. She shivered. David clasped his hands together.
‘Now I mentioned that this is a family. And families work best with rules. So today I’m going to talk about some of these rules and about why we have them. I used to leave this part until the end of the Course. No one likes hearing about rules. We are always being told what to do: mind the gap , don’t walk on the grass , get to work on time . So I’m only going to talk about the really major ones. There are signs all along Beachy Head which say stay away from the cliff edge . Well, the rules I’m going to talk about tonight are like that – life-savers.’
Lee found herself zoning out as David spoke about the need to attend church on a regular basis, the necessity of nightly prayer, the fact that they were now missionaries for the Course and had to think about how others would view them. She was due to go up to her parents’ house the weekend after the Retreat. She would
Lee dressed, fed Darwin and sat on the balcony drinking coffee until Philip stumbled out in his boxer shorts, his skin very pale in the first rays of the sun.
‘Hi,’ he said, looking past Lee and out over the city, hands clasped to his shoulders in the fresh morning air.
‘Hi.’ She left a pause. ‘Do you want coffee?’ Her voice was cold and there was only one chair out on the balcony, expressly to discourage any early-morning company.
‘No, I’d better . . . I should just go. I’ll see you at the Course next week. It was good to meet you.’
‘Yes. Can you show yourself out? Mind Darwin doesn’t follow you.’
*
She knew that it would be awkward during their next discussion session, and it was. The following Tuesday night, when a warm rain wrapped the church in a swirling veil, she saw him watching her as she walked down the aisle to take her place for David’s speech. She was wearing a black jumper over a white T-shirt, black jeans and trainers. She could feel Philip’s gaze across her back, in the nerves of her neck, in her hair. She thumbed through The Way of the Pilgrim . Mouse came to sit beside her and she hugged him gratefully, then turned to the pulpit, still vaguely aware of Philip’s gaze. David looked down at her and smiled, then out to the rest of the room, his grin widening as he took in the rows of eager, upward-looking faces.
‘Good evening, my children,’ he said, holding his arms out and stepping forward to the microphone. ‘You are now part of our family. And as you attend the Course over the next few weeks and, I hope, over the years to come, you will find yourself feeling increasingly that your family is here. Some of you may have come to the service on Sunday. Doesn’t matter if you didn’t, but those who were here will have got a measure of the intensity of the bond between us, the strength of this community. It feels sometimes like intensity isn’t approved of in the outside world, as if it somehow isn’t cool. Well here at St Botolph’s, intensity is very cool. We encourage it.’ He smiled and took a sip of water. The lights dimmed slightly. Lee rested her head on Mouse’s shoulder.
‘I hope that, over the past week, you might have noticed some changes in yourself. Maybe you haven’t. Often we’re too caught up in the business of our lives and we don’t have time to think about how we’re feeling. Sometimes it’s hard to make space for God. But if you have felt something different, if you have found yourself praying, and maybe you’ve read some pages of the Bible, well, that’s all great.’ His smile faded and Lee noticed a subtle shift in the atmosphere. The light around the priest grew colder, wind whistled in the roof. She shivered. David clasped his hands together.
‘Now I mentioned that this is a family. And families work best with rules. So today I’m going to talk about some of these rules and about why we have them. I used to leave this part until the end of the Course. No one likes hearing about rules. We are always being told what to do: mind the gap , don’t walk on the grass , get to work on time . So I’m only going to talk about the really major ones. There are signs all along Beachy Head which say stay away from the cliff edge . Well, the rules I’m going to talk about tonight are like that – life-savers.’
Lee found herself zoning out as David spoke about the need to attend church on a regular basis, the necessity of nightly prayer, the fact that they were now missionaries for the Course and had to think about how others would view them. She was due to go up to her parents’ house the weekend after the Retreat. She would
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