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would give us a quiet pleasure.



F OREWORD
    I wrote this story in the hope that it will help you to understand how painful it is when you can’t express yourself to the people you love. If this story connects with your heart in some way, then I believe you’ll be able to connect back to the hearts of people with autism too.

I’ M RIGHT HERE
    Shun used to think that he knew himself very well, but from that day on he was no longer sure. Everyone’s staring at my face . The early evening sky was ominous with orange clouds bound by ash-grey. Why are they all staring at me? When Shun had emerged from his local supermarket, an old man came over and asked, ‘What are you doing here?’ Shun had never met him before. He wore a red hat pulled down low over his eyes, a white T-shirt and black knee-length shorts, even though it was winter. Never talk to strangers , Shun had told himself, and started hurrying for home. And that was the moment when Shun noticed – everyone’s staring at my face . His first thought was that everyone was worrying about him, but no, it wasn’t that kind of look … How to put it? Not a surprised look, not a searching gaze … more of an icy, heart-chilling stare. Whatever it was, Shun ran off home.
    ‘I’m back!’
    Shun was relieved to get back home, safe and sound at last. His mum was busy preparing supper as usual. Shun opened the fridge and spoke to his mum while he took out a carton of juice. ‘Hey, Mum, today I …’ Then Shun’s words just dried up. She was just standing there. Apron on, pan in hand, her hair and clothes the same as they were when Shun had left home earlier, but still, Shun couldn’t move a muscle. That icy stare again . Everything seemed to be revolving around him in slow motion. Get away from here, go, now, get out! Was Shun thinking this, or was someone ordering him? Shun managed to marshal his unmoving body into action, and he fled outside, almost howling.
    Shun found himself in a park, with no memory of how he’d arrived there. Even though it was cold, his body was soaked in sweat. He was exhausted. What’s going on ? To try to get a grip on things, Shun decided to look back over the day. I woke up, I went to school, I came home. So far, so normal. And after that … after that … He remembered nothing. What the hell did I do next ? Shun sat on his bench, staring into space, while the wintry wind blew all around him. Like the hole in the middle of a doughnut, the memory had somehow fallen out from Shun’s mind. He couldn’t even cry. How strange that a person can keep his head, even when things have become as desperate as this . The sun was sinking low now. I have to do something about this , Shun thought, yet at the same time, he was also feeling, whatever happens to me, happens . How much time had gone by? Shun noticed darkness all around him. He hauled himself to his feet.
    With no clear destination in mind, Shun carried on walking. Nobody else was around. Maybe all the people were in their houses. However lonely Shun might have felt, he didn’t want to see anyone, not even his friends. I wonder if they’re worrying about me at home by now? Shun’s feet led him back to his house.
    But it looked as though his house was in complete darkness. Shun’s dad was supposed to come home from work early that day, so Shun wondered where his parents could have got to. At the same time, he felt relief to be back. They must have gone out to look for me , he thought. And it wasn’t as if anyone was actually hassling me, earlier, they kept staring at me in that weird way, that’s all . Feeling much better now, Shun decided to wait for his parents in front of his house. The winter sky at night was beautiful, and the flickering of the stars soothed his heart.
    Footsteps drew nearer. That must be Mum and Dad . Shun went running up to them. ‘I’m really, really sorry to make you worry about me, I just …’ But something was very wrong about them. Maybe they can’t