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Authors: Annika Sharma
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We went to a party, and the same thing happened to her. We didn’t realize she was gone…”
His confession stuns me into silence. He doesn’t need to say the words–I know what he’s implying. She wasn’t as lucky as I was.
“I’m sorry,” I say, softly. He gives me a tight-lipped smile in return. “And I’m sorry I yelled at you… my head’s just been all over the place lately.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” he repeats, returning to my side and mirroring my pose.
Except now, I am not inexplicably angry.
“I just didn’t expect to feel so much.” There is so much truth in those words. I never expected these nerve-sparking thoughts of James or a magnitude of emotions around him.
As James quietly says, “I know how you feel.”
I want to yell,
you have no idea
. The catch with James is that I associate him with chaos. I met him on the only day of my life I’d forgotten an assignment. I was drugged and he saved me. Now, I find myself distracted by the smell of his cologne when I used to pay attention. When I meet a guy like Nishanth, who is perfect for me on paper, James still manages to stay on my mind.
It’s not his fault. He can’t help that he’s charming and sweet. And I can’t help that every time he’s around, the giddy schoolgirl in me comes out. And she
shouldn’t
. Even if he did like me, my family wouldn’t condone our dating.
He is bad news.
My heart hammers against my chest like it’s going to explode, a bundled knot of conflicting emotions. Sophia’s voice in my head commands me not to think too much, to see where this goes and stop
stopping
just to consider what I’m doing. We stand in silence, the air heavy with unspoken words and unasked questions. I want to know everything about him. And that’s what scares me because if I can forget the instinct to stop first and think, I will surge forward and make a gigantic fool of myself. I’m twenty-one, never had a boyfriend, supposed to have an arranged marriage, and he’s witnessed spectacular moments of disarray in my life. Who’d want to stick around for any of that?
“You know, if you keep having meltdowns in my apartment, I’m going to start thinking it’s me.” He bobs his head with mock gravity, and I jump back to the present, like I always do when he says something so spot-on in such a laidback way.
The distraction lets my heartbeat slow down so I can hold a conversation like a normal human being.
“Maybe it is,” I murmur. “So, how was your cousin?”
“She pressed charges. The guy went to jail. Tristan punched him so hard when we found her, he broke the dude’s jaw, so he got what was coming.” He’s serious now. I didn’t mean to make him think about it further, so I ask if Tristan is his younger brother.
“How’d you know?”
“Your tone. Pride. It’s how I talk about my sister.”
“Is she as much trouble as you are?”
“I’m not trouble!” I protest, and he raises an eyebrow. “Okay, well… yeah.”
His delighted laugh ricochets off the empty cars. “That’s okay, I can handle a little intensity.”
Are we flirting? Sophia would say yes. I can see her in my mind’s eye with a clipboard standing behind us. Eye contact?
Check.
Sneaking glances?
Check.
Coy smiles?
Check
. A little mystery? Wanting to know more? Electric feeling in the twelve inches of space between our resting arms?
Check. Check. Check.
“I guess that explains why you sit next to the crazy girl every chem class.”
“That, among other things.”
I look at him questioningly.
It can’t be.
I have to be wishful thinking right now. His harmless, “Now who’s watching?” resonates again. Has he been as riveted as I have? I missed the cues, my gut tells me. He observes the confused look on my face.
“There’s just something about you.” He shrugs, his eyes softening. “I’ve never met anyone with such a propensity for bad luck.” He chuckles. “But you take me off guard, and I like that.”
All
His confession stuns me into silence. He doesn’t need to say the words–I know what he’s implying. She wasn’t as lucky as I was.
“I’m sorry,” I say, softly. He gives me a tight-lipped smile in return. “And I’m sorry I yelled at you… my head’s just been all over the place lately.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” he repeats, returning to my side and mirroring my pose.
Except now, I am not inexplicably angry.
“I just didn’t expect to feel so much.” There is so much truth in those words. I never expected these nerve-sparking thoughts of James or a magnitude of emotions around him.
As James quietly says, “I know how you feel.”
I want to yell,
you have no idea
. The catch with James is that I associate him with chaos. I met him on the only day of my life I’d forgotten an assignment. I was drugged and he saved me. Now, I find myself distracted by the smell of his cologne when I used to pay attention. When I meet a guy like Nishanth, who is perfect for me on paper, James still manages to stay on my mind.
It’s not his fault. He can’t help that he’s charming and sweet. And I can’t help that every time he’s around, the giddy schoolgirl in me comes out. And she
shouldn’t
. Even if he did like me, my family wouldn’t condone our dating.
He is bad news.
My heart hammers against my chest like it’s going to explode, a bundled knot of conflicting emotions. Sophia’s voice in my head commands me not to think too much, to see where this goes and stop
stopping
just to consider what I’m doing. We stand in silence, the air heavy with unspoken words and unasked questions. I want to know everything about him. And that’s what scares me because if I can forget the instinct to stop first and think, I will surge forward and make a gigantic fool of myself. I’m twenty-one, never had a boyfriend, supposed to have an arranged marriage, and he’s witnessed spectacular moments of disarray in my life. Who’d want to stick around for any of that?
“You know, if you keep having meltdowns in my apartment, I’m going to start thinking it’s me.” He bobs his head with mock gravity, and I jump back to the present, like I always do when he says something so spot-on in such a laidback way.
The distraction lets my heartbeat slow down so I can hold a conversation like a normal human being.
“Maybe it is,” I murmur. “So, how was your cousin?”
“She pressed charges. The guy went to jail. Tristan punched him so hard when we found her, he broke the dude’s jaw, so he got what was coming.” He’s serious now. I didn’t mean to make him think about it further, so I ask if Tristan is his younger brother.
“How’d you know?”
“Your tone. Pride. It’s how I talk about my sister.”
“Is she as much trouble as you are?”
“I’m not trouble!” I protest, and he raises an eyebrow. “Okay, well… yeah.”
His delighted laugh ricochets off the empty cars. “That’s okay, I can handle a little intensity.”
Are we flirting? Sophia would say yes. I can see her in my mind’s eye with a clipboard standing behind us. Eye contact?
Check.
Sneaking glances?
Check.
Coy smiles?
Check
. A little mystery? Wanting to know more? Electric feeling in the twelve inches of space between our resting arms?
Check. Check. Check.
“I guess that explains why you sit next to the crazy girl every chem class.”
“That, among other things.”
I look at him questioningly.
It can’t be.
I have to be wishful thinking right now. His harmless, “Now who’s watching?” resonates again. Has he been as riveted as I have? I missed the cues, my gut tells me. He observes the confused look on my face.
“There’s just something about you.” He shrugs, his eyes softening. “I’ve never met anyone with such a propensity for bad luck.” He chuckles. “But you take me off guard, and I like that.”
All
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